parenting boys is different to all girls or mixed siblings

[captainbarnacle]

(and not that old 'boys are like puppies' theory)

My dad and stepmum were down at the weekend. She is mum to DD1, DS1, DD2 (in their 30s) and I have 3DS (aged 5, 3 and 7m). My Dad was talking about how 'good' my sister and I were when we were small, and I was saying how young brothers seem (anecdotally) to be quite different to female siblings in terms of noise, boisterousness and generally Hard Work.

My stepmum (I have a lot of time for her) piped up that her three didnt behave 'like that' and - of course - she had a boy.

I stated that of course not all girls and boys are the same, but having 2 boys close in age has more of a fighting and noise effect than one boy sandwiched between girls. Then I thought I was just being over defensive, and STFU.

Am I wrong? Should I be expecting more from my two? They dont cause too much hassle - just dont sit still or eat all their food or sit quietly and do as they are told (no breaking toys or drawing on walls or climbing on furniture etc). They wrestle and answer back (but I deal with it). Or was SM looking back 30yrs with rosetinted glasses on and forgetting the enormity of 3 under 5s?

Yes - interesting book titles! But am resigning myself to fact that any kids I have wouldn't be like stepmum's kids - rose tinted specs or no rosetinted specs. Their personalities would be so different. I did hope ds3 would be a girl to readdress the boyish balance, but now think I cannot fight it so have to join it!

NotnOtter You can come round any time :) - and you never know I might hand out trophies...one day....

also biologically boys have more testosterone than girls and that is why men would tend to go to war.

Yes and not forgetting Bodecia and the Amazons.

Yes I know there are women soldiers etc but in the 'olden day's

You talk some shit alemci. Prepubescent boys have very low levels of testosterone, same as girls.

alemci are you making that point or breaking it?

I was trying to find out if testosterone is higher in boys than girls...looks like a bit but not as different as after puberty obvs.

hmmm interestingly testosterone is linked to intelligence in men (higher T in both low and high IQ than for intermediate) but not women....

In reality the role of a specific hormone in personality development is all very confusing and not at all clear cut.

Believing that boys should be more aggressive than girls (and modifying your praise/punishment accordingly) is a sure fire way to make it happen though, no hormones needed.

"Believing boys to be more aggressive and modifying your praise accordingly"-seriously who on earth parents like that?????

None of my kids are aggresive. Boys aren't aggressive any more than girls(where did you get that from) they do however need to burn off steam more and interact with each other in entirely different ways ie if I don't get my boys out by 10 o clock on a weekend they'll be bouncing off the walls unlike my dd who is a very lively active girl.

Boys also have testosterone surges around 4 I believe in particular and the adrenal glands start secreting between 6-8 hence whiffier kids.

Entropy when you've had experience in raising both boys and girls beyond 8 months come back and lecture me on how to raise both sexes then.

Sorry it's widely known that girls mature quicker than boys so they will be different at different ages.

Oh mrsHeffly what a surprise that you think it is impossible to know about children without having them yourself....as if the whole sphere of human understanding and scientific research didnt exist.

Oh and of course your sample of what 3 or 4 is more statistically valid than the millions that have been studied in the past....

Nah. Its all down to individual personality.

I have 3 brothers, 2 sisters.

The oldest sister and oldest brother fought, physically all the time.
My middle brothers, despite being very close in age, never rolled around like puppies,and were both quite quiet.

It just depends on the kid.

I work with children and I think it all depends on the child. If you work with them every day its hard to believe in the stereotypes as you see so much to prove its not true at all.

I think it's all down to personality with a squirt of hormones, then of course the conditioning contributes to the perpetuation of tendencies...I have a 'tomboyish' girl who plays rugby but also has a girly side. And an EXTREMELY boisterous active boy who also loves dancing, adores babies, and likes doing neat writing and drawing. If you have a houseful of boys at a birthday party it is likely to be higher energy than a houseful of girls, but IME it all depends on the individuals.

I do think if you have 2 or 3+ boys (of your own) the atmosphere and the experience is going to be significantly different to having 2 or 3+ girls. Mixtures have got (even more) tonnes of variables in the equation!

Well I'm currently hiding from the cacophany of noise my 3 boys are making upstairs, so I'm not really one to comment on noisy families.

Errr I've just explained scientific knowledge and as a teacher with years of experience in teaching boys and girls I'm sorry I do think I know a thing or two re testosterone surges and levels of maturity differences.

It's widely acknowledged that summer born boys struggle more or do educationalists know buggar all along with many mums who have raised both genders.

Also lots of boys will sit in all day nowadays loads of parents at our place moan about not being able to tear their boys away from ds, xbox, wii and they are only 4 year olds boys.

Also I have twin boys.1 very quiet and into reading,music etc with the other into football etc.My dd is a tomboy. Both boys have to let off steam,dd can control it better.The boys interact differently with each other than they do with their sister although all 3 are very close in age and relationship and have been raised the same.I've lost count of the amount of friends who have experienced similar.

Soooooo fed up with boys needs not being acknowledged just to suit the latest pc fad.

Molly I rest my case-girls aren't obsessed so much with X boxes and the like. Boys are turning to these things because they don't have the space to play,run etc.

I spent years hauling girls off writing tables and insisting boys have a go when teaching rec. You give an entire class free choice 9 times out of 10 girls go for writing table type activities and boys go for track related vehicle toys if left to their own devices.I had to set up tick lists common with many teachers to ensure both experienced a variety of both.

Educationalists and mums are responding to children, many of whom, have been stereotyped from birth. We were discussing whether or not there is an intrinsic difference in physiology that makes boys more boisterous. I am not sure what educationalists have to say on that topic. Either way I would expect their opinions to be backed up with research and not simple backed up by having had kids themselves.

And no, being a mum yourself has no bearing whatsoever on your ability to comment on the current state of general understanding on the topic. You may accurately state that your kids are boisterous, and that they are boys, but if you draw a correlation between those two facts then you are making it up.

That boys and girls mature at different rates at different times is certain and has not been questioned by me at any point.

Op, it will get easier.

I have two boys, age 7 and 9

It gets easiers, kids are harder work at 3 and 5

I think there is a huge difference between boys and girls.

Not the typical stuff. I think boys are a bit more vulnerable and sensitive than girls, which I think is a thing parents might want to bear in mind.

Boys need lots of TLC, just like girls