parenting boys is different to all girls or mixed siblings

[captainbarnacle]

(and not that old 'boys are like puppies' theory)

My dad and stepmum were down at the weekend. She is mum to DD1, DS1, DD2 (in their 30s) and I have 3DS (aged 5, 3 and 7m). My Dad was talking about how 'good' my sister and I were when we were small, and I was saying how young brothers seem (anecdotally) to be quite different to female siblings in terms of noise, boisterousness and generally Hard Work.

My stepmum (I have a lot of time for her) piped up that her three didnt behave 'like that' and - of course - she had a boy.

I stated that of course not all girls and boys are the same, but having 2 boys close in age has more of a fighting and noise effect than one boy sandwiched between girls. Then I thought I was just being over defensive, and STFU.

Am I wrong? Should I be expecting more from my two? They dont cause too much hassle - just dont sit still or eat all their food or sit quietly and do as they are told (no breaking toys or drawing on walls or climbing on furniture etc). They wrestle and answer back (but I deal with it). Or was SM looking back 30yrs with rosetinted glasses on and forgetting the enormity of 3 under 5s?

Mrsheffley - me and DD have been on the wii for 3 hours this afternoon and she is only 3. I dont think its true that girls dont like consoles I love them

Also we have quite a few boys that go striaght to the mark making table and do so at breakfast before any girls arrive and do so every morning. That is only this year though as we have very artistic boys, other years it can be completely different. It all depends on the kids in at the time and not the gender imo.

Entropy therefor you must acknowledge the differences these different levels of maturity will cause ie a 3 year old girl will be different to a 3 year old boy and may need handling differently.

You should be expecting more of them, though they are pretty young and girls would certainly be the same at that age (I don't know any 3yo who will sit quietly for longer than a minute, though your 5yo should be as he'll be starting school soon surely??) I have found that friends with boys let them get away with all kinds of violence and rudeness that I didn't let my girls and then they claim boys are easier- it's rubbish, I know lots of boys of different parents who sit nicely, are well behaved, etc etc, so it's nothing to do with gender, it's just some parents are so wrapped up with male children they think they can't do anything wrong. And then boys go on to get excused for things by other people saying 'boys will be boys' (interestingly I've been told this when my girls have gone out in Thomas the Tank Engine jacket- they then get encouraged to be noisy and physically active by elderly people who would say 'oh that's naughty' if they knew she was a girl!), which leads to the whole horrible situation we have of boys thinking it's ok to be violent or aggressive in adult relationships. It's very sad for both genders (and makes me hope my girls grow up to be gay tbh!), but just think, you are in an ideal position to stop this by teaching your boys to respect other people!

We spend loads of times up trees I am a qualified forest school leader, and DD goes on all sessions I lead. Its just pouring down today and we also love the consoles.

We do all that kind of thing but dd couldnt care less about drawing or writing. DD just likes the same things I am in to even if they are stereotypically 'boys' things.

I cant either from doing Forest schools I have seen that attitude a lot. Then when you have their children you get girls using peelers, hammers, saws etc at age 3/4. Doing all kinds of things like taking lots of risks, running around, being extremely loud/boisterous etc. Its just most girls wouldnt get the chance to do this stuff if it was left to their parents. Thats why the parents always say I never thought she would do that/enjoy that etc

i have all boys so dont know any different,but i do know im having a hard time with them at moment but dont think its probably anymore than others

and as you get older i think you forget what your kids were really like,and you get less tolerant of other peeps chilren

Also my ds is constantly writing, drawing, playing "lets pretend" and doing jigsaws!

I have a friend who has a DD (5) and a DS (1). Whenever her DS does something remotely loud or boisterous or mischievous, she exclaims "Boys! Honestly!". I remember her DD was exactly the same as her DS and and she made the same exclamations of "Girls!".

Why are all mothers so proud of their boys for playing with dolls? Or do drwaing?

Why are all mothers on MN so proud if their daughters climb trees or like cars?

It is a bit like you feel smug that at least you are not like all the other parents...?

It is all turning into a bit of a smugfest, as if your child plays with toys designated (by toy manufacturers) for the opposite sex you have achieved something.

Like that mum of " the infant" who was ever so pleased when her boy wears girls clothes. As if that proves anything.

Pushing a boy to wear girls clothes and play with prams does not prove that you are a superior parent. It is just as dumb as pushing him to play with cars.

Just don't push, let kids just be

im not smug,mine are bloody monsters,lol

Chandon you are sooo right.

You pretty much sum it up.really makes me chuckle,the gender competitiveness,who can be the most pc.

Down here most kids do forest school at some point,it so isn't an issue or something to brag about as we live in a rural area.Kids just do what they want to do.

"We aren't smug because our children play with toys of the opposite sex" sorry but if that isn't the most sexist thing I've ever heard.What is a toy of the opposite sex exactly?Sorry it's not something I've come across as my 3 had all the same stuff in the early days.

Now dtwin1 (8) is into alien Lego and Star Wars whilst dd loves her Gotz dolls and dollshouse-have I failed miserably and should I insist said twin boy plays with the Sylvanians whilst dd plays with the Star Wars lego?

I dont think its smug chandon its just saying lots of boys and girls like all types of things. None is better than the other, however I do think its sad and limiting for the child when they havent had chance to experience certain things as they are a certain gender. eg dad doesnt want son to play with dolls/princess dress as he will become gay, girls dont climb trees as it is not ladylike etc. I have heard plenty of things like this before from parents/rl people.

I will add that dd is really into fireman sam and has been for a year and a half. Someone I know came round with their DD and DD asked if she wanted to play it and the other girl said no I dont play with boys toys. I thought that was a bit sad as I dont think it is a boys toy but DD then asked if it was only for boys and I said of course not. She still has barbies, dolls houses, fancy dres etc but I think she should like what she wants to like without peopletelling her she cant as its boys.

I can think of many examples of this the other way round that I have heard from pre schoolers in settings to.

Lots of hard and fast conclusions being drawn here based on samples sizes of one's own children. Very robust and not at all open to any doubt.