Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband secretely takes day off

526 replies

katieks · 27/01/2012 17:13

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/01/2012 23:14

Gumby... It wasn't intended as a criticism, honestly. I just pointed out that other people's circumstances are maybe different. I would feel completely strung out not having a day off - and not being able to take one.

pictish · 27/01/2012 23:14

He was a dick about the parcel though pictish. You have to give OP that

Sure. And of course, the OP has never been a prick about anything ever, throughout the entirety of their marriage. Not once.
She has never made a fuss over something trivial. At all.
Nope.
Uh uh.

fishyonadishy · 27/01/2012 23:15

Bloke does it - fucking wanker - how dare he?
Woman does it - oh good for you - you deserve it!

You're talking out of your arse actually pictish.

I think what he did was childish and selfish and would think that had the roles been reversed.

This guy has two very young children. It's a fucking grind when they're small, we all know that. What does it say about his relationship that he thinks he has to sneak around without telling his wife what he's doing? They're both in it together. Except for when he decides he's not.

Gumby · 27/01/2012 23:16

Well we get every Saturday & Sunday so it's not all bad Grin
if we want a Saturday afternoon on our own that's fine too
And we each go away at weekends with our mates a few times a year if we have any spare cash

Armi · 27/01/2012 23:18

What does it say about the relationship that he feels he has to do it this way? Never mind all the foot stamping about him, there's a possibility that his wife is a pain in the arse. Some people are.

AnyFucker · 27/01/2012 23:19

Gumby, you don't only "exist"

that was a shitty thing you said, Lying

way to go... you don't have to juggle childcare, finances and cover it all with the full cooperation and investment of your partner Hmm

fishyonadishy · 27/01/2012 23:19

That wasn't a rhetorical question actually Armi Grin

What does it say about his relationship????

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 27/01/2012 23:21

Off to bed now. Think I have decided I really should tell dh I am having a day off on which I will be doing nothing. No ironing, no cooking, no nipping out for and possibly no getting dressed.

(if it all goes wrong at least I will have a clean conscience).

Armi · 27/01/2012 23:22

He should leave her.

(Just for a change fro the usual refrain, like.) :o

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/01/2012 23:23

Anyfucker... I posted again for clarification to Gumby, so wind your neck in.

WottingerAndWottingerAreDead · 27/01/2012 23:26

Oh my god!!!

I fib to DH, he fibs to me- that way we both get a break and that way we can both pretend the big to-do list doesn't exist and we don't have to get on with going to the tip/ charity shop/ supermarket/ cleaning etc... etc... just a crisp sandwich and shite telly for him and a coffee and celebrity trash for me. ON OUR OWN. and without the DC's. The minute we discuss it you have to have the 'is it really necessary?' conversation, well of course it isn't, the skirting boards need washing more than I need to read this weeks Closer, and last years garden rubbish needs to go to the tip more than he needs to watch The Wire and eat cheese and onion crisps. But you know what, I don't fucking care. And glossing over the fact we both do this means we can avoid feeling guilt tripped in to getting on with the dreaded list... it doesn't mean I'm having an affair or he's losing the house on internet poker games..

AnyFucker · 27/01/2012 23:26

WhenShe...what will "go wrong" ?

AnyFucker · 27/01/2012 23:27

Lying my neck is perfectly unwound

but your comment was shite

pictish · 27/01/2012 23:27

Well....having weighed up the ins and outs of the whole debate, I'm still going to say that I love the idea of a secret day off. Just a little one. Just once.

Fuck it -I can be a shining example of adulthood and responsibility the other 364 days of the year.

WottingerAndWottingerAreDead · 27/01/2012 23:27

Sorry, IABU, The Wire is not shite telly

BustersOfDoom · 27/01/2012 23:32

Lying Viennesse Whirls you say?

And everyone else, just talk to each other. You want a day off? Then say so and take it! No washing, cooking or ironing. All fair and equal.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 27/01/2012 23:35

Oh, now I want a secret day off, but I'm an SAHM. Hmm.

If I set the kids loose in the forest, the wolves can look after them for a bit... right?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/01/2012 23:36

A hostess trolley, Buster?? The height of decadence! I've always wanted one. VW's incoming.... the originals, not the coffee-freaky ones. Grin

We're apparently having snow on Monday... that being the case, I hope that those who can, get a 'snow day'....

didldidi · 27/01/2012 23:41

Maybe they said they could deliver the parcel on Friday and he thought - I could take the day off and wait in for it?

randommoment · 27/01/2012 23:41

Have we all lost sight of the password bit here? I'd go utterly ballistic if DP asked for my passwords for anything - bank, facebook, email or MN!! I don't know his passwords, I don't want to know either.

LeBOF · 27/01/2012 23:45

To be fair, the OP hasn't said he demanded to know them- perhaps she is just open about them, and he isn't. Some people feel very defensive about their personal stuff like PINs etc, and some people don't.

Pandemoniaa · 27/01/2012 23:45

I did mention the passwords - several pages back. But things have got diverted into the tricky dilemma of which of them should leave who. Or should that be whom?

I agree random. There's something very unhealthy about a situation where anyone is obliged to provide their partner with passwords. Especially if the situation is not reciprocated.

BustersOfDoom · 27/01/2012 23:49

I don't actually have one Lying but I could borrow one Grin I always wanted one but we never had dinner parties or anything. Must be the aspirational streak in me ....

AnyFucker · 27/01/2012 23:49

there seems to be quite a lot "not reciprocated" about this relationship

and OP is uncomfortable about it

which is a shame, because most of it has been lost in the "Oh my god, you controlling women...wanting RESPECT, what the hell is wrong with you ???"-type comments

runningwilde · 27/01/2012 23:55

Why all the bloody lying?! I don't get it? Don't you people who lie have tw balls to say yes I am having a day off and I want to do fuck all?! If my hubs wants one of those days then fine! Just let me know and I'll be out doe the day and let him slob in front of shite tv - no problem!