AIBU to think £50 is enough for 21yr old to pay for rent when he is only home 4 nights a week?

[rotool]

I have a son who is 21 and has come home for a while as he is in between jobs.
My DP the father of my 7yr old and 6yr old but not of my 21yr old thinks he should pay £80 per week. 21 yr olds dad is paying the £50 for him until he gets another job which looks likely to be next week as he has been offered something. DP just won't listen when I explain that £50 is enough when he only eats here 3 or 4 times a week and only stays 4 nights a week,staying with friends the rest of the time. I have explained to DP that my friends DD pays her only £25 per week and she is at home all the time. 21 yr old makes no mess, helps whenever asks and does some of the cooking.
DP says if I ask my RL friends they will tell me what I want to hear so I am turning to the mumsnet jury to put me in my place if need be. I work part time and do everything in the home.

I am not sure IslaValargeone, he says that he wouldn't be able to stay anywhere else for less than £80... and it didn't matter how many nights he was staying here, he should pay the same amount regardless.
I wasn't sure if I was biased because he is my DS who I love dearly. I had him when I was 19 and after his dad and I got divorced I spent the next 7 years on my own with him and I know I can get a bit over-protecting at times where he is concerned. I love him being at home and having the time ( when he is not job hunting) to spend with his little brothers,they love having him here too.

I can truly say I am shocked at the response I am still getting from this question. I feel a whole lot stronger than I did this morning!

I had my son at 19 too on my own and I know what you mean about thinking you are being over-protective. But I think regardless of whether they are a son or daughter kids with good, supportive parents whatever their age are well loved and nurtured until they are able to stand up on their own two feet. For some it comes early and for others it comes later but one day they will all be on their own two feet. There won't be too many more times he comes back home so enjoy it while you can and he can enjoy some support whilst he looks for work. Win win.

Unless your son is some lay-about-taker, it doesn't really make a lot of sense. Some people have attitudes like your DP. Though its superficially about money, its usually about something else. Is your DP normal in other ways? Does he have difficulties in forming caring relationships, in give-and-take, in seeing another's point of view?

Its doesn't sound like your son is a layabout trashing-the-place. Must be other stuff going on. Maybe your DP needs to be honest about his feelings on this, and you too.

£80 is more than the rent I pay on my council house per week.
When I still lived at home and worked FT waitressing, I paid my dad £25 pw.
Your son sounds like a good lad, not a loafer who needs a life lesson of some sort- don't let your DP win on this one.

I don't think he should pay the same no matter how many nights he is there, just because that is what he would do if living elsewhere. He is family.

As others have said he is not a layabout, he is looking for work and helping out.

Your DP is being awful.

Its not about what it would cost for him to stay elsewhere, he is your son, where else can our children be safe and cared for and not ripped off if not at home.

I urge you to reconsider your relationship with a bully who clearly dislikes your son.

If hes 21 he will only be receiving £53.85 JSA

I had to pay my mother 1/3 of my take home pay when I lived at her house
I moved out 16 years ago and was paying her £60 a week then!!!!

It doesn't matter in the slightest how much he'd pay elsewhere

It is your house. You live there. He is your son. Of course he should get very very very preferential rates!

Why does your dp want to screw more money out of him? Is he seeing this as a "for profit" enterprise? Because thats what it reads like on paper.

Although I'm loathe to use the term bully at this stage, I am inclined to agree with fabby that there does seem to be a bit more to this than what it would cost for him to stay elsewhere.
Your ds doesn't appear to be a layabout, and the relationship he has with his brothers sound fabulous and is something that should be nurtured while they have the opportunity.
Obviously if he starts being a pita then quadruple his rent

Let us know how you get on OP. :)

Well, I tried to tell him and show him what you all said and he said 'flies flock round shit' 'everyone knows they do'
I tried to tell him and show him that people answer all sorts of threads on here and allot of them are about nice things but he won't have it.
Not sure what my next step is, just need to stand up for him I guess, not very good at doing that though!

He sounds delightful.

Sorry OP

Your DP sounds lovely NOT.

Stand up for your son.

Well if you ds was living in a bedsit he would recieve HB for a start. Fair enough get him to contribute towards food. I wouldnt even say he would use much gas or electric as you would have these on anyway.

Your DP doesnt sound like a very nice person given his response. He asked for an opinion that wasnt from your friends and when it wasnt what he wanted he wasnt happy.

Please please stand up for your ds, my mum didnt when it came to my s-dad and it still affects me and the relationship i have with her

I will always stand up for DS, it is going to cause me so many problems but it isn't anywhere I haven't been before. Bloody Hell why does life have to be so difficult.

:( rotool

Good for you sticking to your guns. You shouldn't have to put up with this you know. You sound absolutely lovely and he doesn't sound anywhere near good enough for you.

:(

I think you need to assess your relationship with your DP.

He is trying to push your son out, from his response it is clear he is not a nice person.

Ask yourself if you're relationship is really worth this.

Thank you, I will x

I second BrianCoxHasScaryHair

Your children should always come first, don't make your son feel your house is not his 'home'.

He sounds very unpleasant.

The whole 'it would cost him £80+ to live anywhere' argument is so spurious. He isn't living anywhere, he's living with his mother because he's out of work and is trying hard to find work. Because that's what people do. He's not costing you £80 a week, so the only reason to take the money would be to make a profit on it.

Could it be that your DP is a bit controlling and jealous and doesn't like having another adult male around?

Take the £50 and start a fuck off fund, when there is enough in it, hand to your odious partner and tell him to fuck off.

wow your a nice mum, i paid 50 pound a week when i was 17 which was ohhhhhh 13 years ago. i had a job though which paid quite well but still 21 is old enough to be contributing right?