AIBU to think £50 is enough for 21yr old to pay for rent when he is only home 4 nights a week?

[rotool]

I have a son who is 21 and has come home for a while as he is in between jobs.
My DP the father of my 7yr old and 6yr old but not of my 21yr old thinks he should pay £80 per week. 21 yr olds dad is paying the £50 for him until he gets another job which looks likely to be next week as he has been offered something. DP just won't listen when I explain that £50 is enough when he only eats here 3 or 4 times a week and only stays 4 nights a week,staying with friends the rest of the time. I have explained to DP that my friends DD pays her only £25 per week and she is at home all the time. 21 yr old makes no mess, helps whenever asks and does some of the cooking.
DP says if I ask my RL friends they will tell me what I want to hear so I am turning to the mumsnet jury to put me in my place if need be. I work part time and do everything in the home.

Your DP is taking the piss.

Given what you've said about your DS being so helpful, cooking, not being there 3 days a week and actively looking for work, I would not take £50 - he doesn't even have it to give it's his Dad's!!!

If you really need the money to get by I'd charge for the extra the food you have to buy and nothing more than that.

He's family and out of work.

(MrsTerry - really? Jesus. Our rent is more than half of DH's wage. Live in constant fear of my temp job ending - we'd be screwed.)

It really makes your DP sound like an unpleasant person TBH - wanting £50/week from his partner's child who's had some bad luck and needs a place to stay.

Fuck, just read the post better. He wants £80 from your out of work son for 4 nights a week, and presumably wants to take it off his father as he knows your DS doesn't have it?

I take it back. Your DP doesn't sound unpleasant, he is unpleasant. And mercenary.

Well it depends on what it really costs to have him there, IMO. Didn't OP say that the father is paying the rent, not the DS himself? So calcs about JSA are a bit irrelevant aren't they? Unless the father is claiming it I suppose?

It sounds as if your dp wants to get money from your ds1 father. I think this is really sad, as he is still your child! How to make someone feel welcome. Your dp is bu!

Well it depends on what it really costs to have him there, IMO

Exactly Ineedadollar. You'd still be paying rent, gas, electric, water, council tax etc if he wasn't living with you. He'll make little difference to those bills. The cost of the food he eats is the main expense.

I'd say he ought to pay 50% of his JSA to you, and his Dad should pay something direct to you too if he so chooses as you should both be supporting your son to find a new job. Maybe match it for ease?

Personally, I'd want him home every night of the week though so I could keep an eye on him and make sure he was pulling his finger out and looking for work

Alternatively, does he need anything for potential job interviews, etc? A suit? A new shirt? A tie? A haircut? Travel expenses? Those are things you and his father could be contributing towards with him too. OR just don't ask any rent and get your son to fund all those things himself out of his JSA. He shouldn't be going out or having expensive fun until he's found a job imo. But then I'm a tough one!

Tricky one....

I'm a bit why you added that you work part time and do all the stuff around the home. Even if you polished the sofa with your arse all day it's your home too and you have every right to have your child stay.

TwoPinkShoes, he already has been finding a job:

until he gets another job which looks likely to be next week as he has been offered something

MildlyNarkyPuffin

"Likely" isn't the same as absolute, no where near a certainty in the job market at the moment!

I think your DP is being a bit unreasonable. I paid my parents £100 per month when I was living with them, so I suppose £200 is ok taking into account the time difference - BUT I was working full-time.

:o at "polishing the sofa with your arse"

That's my kind of housework!

I agree with the majority. £80 is way too much!
DBIL lived with is for a while and we charged him £40 per week and shared the food bill.
You can get a B&B in some places for £15 a night! £20 would be my suggestion. And the fact he helps out too??!
OP please let us know your DH's reaction. Especially to the posts where he's being called a dick

If he's actively seeking work, helps round the house, isn't a layabout, and it unlikely to be there long, I don't see why you're charging him at all (unless you think he WOULD be a layabout if he knew it was free and indefinite).

My sister has moved back in with my parents at the age of 30 after travelling, and isn't paying anything. That's because she cooks practically every night (both my parents work), walks the dog, tidies and cleans, and is also job hunting. She contributes to the food bill as well as a token gesture, but I think that so long as she's not taking the mickey it's fine.

I reckon same should apply to your DS.

True TwoPinkShoes, but he doesn't sound like he needs the encouraging kick up the bum if he's lining up job opportunities, cooking and helping out round the house.

I'd see it as a really great opportunity for him to spend some time with his half brothers.

The rent in my old flat was only £85pw. It had 3 bedrooms huge kitchen and living room and an en suite. £50 is more than enough.

My parents wouldn't have charged me a penny in this situation and I think it is weird to take rent at all - unless of course you are all skint and supporting each other as a family.

My dp's parents charged him a ludicrous amount of rent when he lived at home aged about 21. It is ridiculous to say that this prepared him for the real world. He is in fact shite with money and would have benefitted from being taught the value of money, credit control etc as a child (as I was) rather than simply made to feel unwelcome in his own home.

OP I fear that this amount of money is going to leave your son feeling very hurt.

£80 is really, really excessive. I would say £30 would be closer to the mark.

£80 for 4 nights.

£20 per night.

There are 2 other adults and 2 children in the house. If your DP is sure that £80 for 4 nights is reasonable, I take it he is saying that each member of the family 'costs' a certain amount per day?

So, for argument's sake: £20x 3 adults and £10x 2 children = £70

It costs £70 a day to run your household when he is there and £50 a day when he isn't.

It is beyond unreasonable that he thinks this is reasonable or acceptable.

When your son is earning, charge 33% of his income if you must (personally I'd decide how much extra it costs to have him there and charge that) While he's out of work and his dad is paying, DP should play fair - he's taking your ex for a ride.

He isn't a lodger, he is your son - what more of an argument do you need?

Personally I wouldn't' charge my DC anything. Unless I was trying to get rid of them. If they ate a huge amount, and I was hard up I would ask for a contribution towards food. So maybe £5 per day?

I would also get him to do some free evening baby sitting while he was there though!

£50 is excessive.

£80 is absurd.

Wonder what your dh would charge his own kids

Well that's unanimous then.

rotool YANBU but your DP is.

Why are you charging him to live at home? I can understand grown up children who are earning good money but choosing to still live at home being expected to pay their way, but he's unemployed? Did you charge him rent when he was at college? What's the difference?

Take the £50 and save it for him, and then in a manner most ostentatious hand it to him as he leaves.

Please take a photo of your DH's face as you do so.

Thank you.