AIBU to think £50 is enough for 21yr old to pay for rent when he is only home 4 nights a week?

[rotool]

I have a son who is 21 and has come home for a while as he is in between jobs.
My DP the father of my 7yr old and 6yr old but not of my 21yr old thinks he should pay £80 per week. 21 yr olds dad is paying the £50 for him until he gets another job which looks likely to be next week as he has been offered something. DP just won't listen when I explain that £50 is enough when he only eats here 3 or 4 times a week and only stays 4 nights a week,staying with friends the rest of the time. I have explained to DP that my friends DD pays her only £25 per week and she is at home all the time. 21 yr old makes no mess, helps whenever asks and does some of the cooking.
DP says if I ask my RL friends they will tell me what I want to hear so I am turning to the mumsnet jury to put me in my place if need be. I work part time and do everything in the home.

If I needed the money I'd charge him as much of the cost of keeping him as I needed, but if I didn't need the money I wouldn't. However, as his father is paying - not him, I would take the money if his father could afford it more easily than we could or if the boot was on the other foot I'd pay it if we could afford it and his father needed it. Either way it seems your DP is being unreasonable and wanting to make money from having your SON staying with you.

Your dp is one tightarsed man!

This is your son, your adult son who is in between jobs. I would not charge.

ChippingIn I agree with you. It sounds like he might be thinking that as DS's father is the one paying, he can just charge whatever amount he likes. perhaps even to the extent that he sees an opportunity to take advantage and make some money.

So he is out of work, but activley looking (ie; is not a lazy arse)? I think its pretty rotten to charge anything over about £25, unless you really need it to survive. You are his mum and its his home. Give the kid a break and help him to get on his feet and get started in life. Your DP is a bit of a meanie - is there an underlying problem here with his stepson?

For the year before I finally left home for good, I gave my mum £30 a week for my keep. The day I moved out - she handed me an envelope with the whole years £ in it. Without even knowing it, I had saved an additional £1500 and this really set me up in my new little house and starting my life on my own. I know in hindsight that my mum would have gone without and scrimped for this - but thats the kind of mum she was. I miss her .

Ours was 20% of whatever you were earning and still contributions to the running of the house i.e.: cooking washing up etc.

So is he getting JSA and the £50 from his Dad or just the £50 from Dad?

If both then between £20 and 30 if only the 50 I would be reluctant to take anything, he?ll need it for bus fares etc.

£80 is stupid.

Toomany I'm v proud of my dd too, she loves her job and is working her way up the ladder. I think half of her wage goes to Oasis and Urban Outfitters but as you say if she doesn't do it now she may never get the chance!

If you take the £80 counting that he has £100 between JS and his dad's £50 he'll have £20 a week i know an all day bus ticket in Glasgow is £4 so going by this if he goes out to job centre see friends etc 4 times in a week his moneys gone. Plus you said he's between jobs so it's not like he's never bothered his arse he obviously has worked. £50 is not a lot these days

Assuming he does get £100 a week, £80 is massively unreasonable!

Does you and your Partner spend 80% of your income on accommodation costs? It certainly doesn't cost £80 to let someone stay 4 nights a week 9or anything like) presumably you would use heat/light anyway.

In those circumstances I think £50 is ample. Won't it be nice to spend time with him and let him spend time with his siblings?

I think £50 is too much for your own child. I think thirty would be enough although, in the circumstances you describe, I wouldn't expect anything at all. It is your dp who is being unreasonable.

Sounds like he doesn't want your DS living there.

£25 sounds fair and £50 sounds extortionate.

£80 a week is just taking the piss.

BTW I personally would not charge a penny in those circumstances!

Even £50 is too much, he's family not a lodger.

Blimey, I never paid my parents rent. Would he charge 'his' kids the same?

His dad pays the rent? Sounds like your dh is trying to get more money out of him to me.

DS is 22 and has ben looking for a job bumming around for a while. I used to charge him £15 a week but recently put it up to £30 a week as he needed a bit of an incentive to look more thoroughly.
I think £50 is far too much and your partner is taking the mick out of your ex. I wonder how much he would charge his own children in the same position.

'paula', what a lovely thing your mum did x

Waaayyy too much tbh!
Personaly I wouldn't be charging if he is pulling his weight/

Your DP is being a selfish miserable dick. Sounds like he doesn't like your son very much and this would piss me off.

Could you see your DP charging his kids that much in the same circumstance or would he be doing his best to help them?

Xpost with PurePurple asking how he would treat his in a similar situation.

My dd(25) is living at home and working,she usually pays £20 per week,but for months I took nothing because I hated the thought of taking money from my "little girl"! a bit silly I know. Eventually dh pointed out she would find it a terrible shock when she (eventually!) moves out and has to pay rent,so I reluctantly started charging her £20. I have to say £50 sounds a lot and £80 monstrous.

What he's paying sounds like plenty, if not a little too much given his circumstances. I can't imagine his being there is making a huge difference to bills and he is your (still relatively young) son.

Another one here interested in if you think this would be the same with his own children?

I think £50 sounds quite a lot. Although i am a bit of a soft touch, and would give him a free pass until he gets a job, it's demoralizing enough, being out of work.

Paula what a lovely mum. No wonder you miss her.

An affordable rent is considered to be one third of your income. With his father's contribution and his JSA that's 33 quid. [Works in housing emoticon]

Sounds like your DP doesn't want him there.
As a proportion of income, then one third net income (for 7 days) is realistic, speaking very generally.