AIBU to think £50 is enough for 21yr old to pay for rent when he is only home 4 nights a week?

[rotool]

I have a son who is 21 and has come home for a while as he is in between jobs.
My DP the father of my 7yr old and 6yr old but not of my 21yr old thinks he should pay £80 per week. 21 yr olds dad is paying the £50 for him until he gets another job which looks likely to be next week as he has been offered something. DP just won't listen when I explain that £50 is enough when he only eats here 3 or 4 times a week and only stays 4 nights a week,staying with friends the rest of the time. I have explained to DP that my friends DD pays her only £25 per week and she is at home all the time. 21 yr old makes no mess, helps whenever asks and does some of the cooking.
DP says if I ask my RL friends they will tell me what I want to hear so I am turning to the mumsnet jury to put me in my place if need be. I work part time and do everything in the home.

I would maybe charge the £50, work out how much he actually costs to keep, then (unbeknown to him) save the rest in an account to be given to him when you see fit. Perhaps when he needs a deposit to move out. My dad did this for my sister as she stayed at home longer than I did but they helped me with uni. She is a lifelong saver and credits dad with starting her off.

£80 is way too much.
Your DP is a tight bastard, you should show him this thread.

I would only take money under these circumstances if I absolutely had to.

I also suspect that this is more about your son being taught some sort of lesson.

Your DH is tight and a bully. I wonder what the rules will be when his children are 21?

Somehow I doubt the OP would be able to keep the money for her son. I bet her DP has plans for it. :(

I honestly think you'd be better off charging your son £10 a week as opposed to his dad paying you £50. At 21, DS should contribute, not his dad.

Its way too much and cant believe your DP expects another adult to pay keep on behalf of a child to allow him to stay in his own home.

There is no way I would stand for it and would give it back.

Oh ratool, things don't sound happy all round. Hope this is sorted amicably for you.

Rotool remember Ds will always be your DS but Dh doesn't have to be.

Look after yourself and don't let your DS feel unwanted in his own home with you.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I am going to show DP this thread when he gets home. I cannot believe how much support you have all shown. I thought I was wrong but at the same time new DP was in the wrong.

Would you like me to ask for my last post on this thread to be deleted first rotool?

Yes please cakeismysaviour

Will ask now. xx

I am usually in favour of adult children paying their way.
This situation seems a bit more complicated.
He is looking for work and is not a long term loafer who needs teaching a lesson about life.

But then he isnt paying it - his dad is.

But if you dont need the money it seems very odd to expect to be paid £80 by a third party to put up your son ( I know this is not your idea though OP)

I do think your son should be expected to contribute in an appropriate way. If you are a fairly comfortably off household that could be in the way of housework etc.
If you are not so well off then I dont think it is unreasonable to expect a financial contribution.

Done for you

Yanbu.

£50 is a fair contribution.

As soon as ds has a job he will over the £50 payments, I am not saying that he shouldn't pay anything at all just that £50 seems enough and that £80 seems too much when he is only here 4 nights a week and doesn't eat every night either.

I think it is far too much money and your DH has a problem with your son.

Your son has no income how can he pay anything, surely you don't have children to make money out of them.

I'd rather be single and alone than with a man who clearly dislikes my child that much.

I'd say either take nothing or if you need it £20 a week.

By that I mea n £50 is more than enough. £30 would be fairer given the circs.

Don't know if this has been suggested already but how about looking at getting him to pay you in kind - £10 for cleaning car, £10 an hour for cleaning over and above the norm now. Then you aren't getting money off him but dp feels like he is contributing more?

£50 is far too much for four nights.

My son earns 50k and if he lived at home Id take £30.00 a week enough to cover eveything he eats and a bit towards electricity and gas, I'd not make money out of my child, but no parent should have a child that costs them if they earn.

Fabby - he is 21 he should be able to stand on his own two feet if not in education. Don't turn this into a step parent slating, it's not very constructive and very presumptuous.

I think £50 is too much given the circumstances, £80 is just outrageous!
What is eating your DP exactly?

£80pw is more than someone I know charges her lodgers for their rooms and they are there 24x7.

Your son is family, he is unemployed and will need money to get around looking for a job. A small token would be responsible of your son but £80pw is totally unreasonable, greedy and not very supportive of a family member who needs a hand up onto his feet.

Stick to your guns.