AIBU to think £50 is enough for 21yr old to pay for rent when he is only home 4 nights a week?

[rotool]

I have a son who is 21 and has come home for a while as he is in between jobs.
My DP the father of my 7yr old and 6yr old but not of my 21yr old thinks he should pay £80 per week. 21 yr olds dad is paying the £50 for him until he gets another job which looks likely to be next week as he has been offered something. DP just won't listen when I explain that £50 is enough when he only eats here 3 or 4 times a week and only stays 4 nights a week,staying with friends the rest of the time. I have explained to DP that my friends DD pays her only £25 per week and she is at home all the time. 21 yr old makes no mess, helps whenever asks and does some of the cooking.
DP says if I ask my RL friends they will tell me what I want to hear so I am turning to the mumsnet jury to put me in my place if need be. I work part time and do everything in the home.

Well as he doesn't have a job, wouldn't £50 be more than his weekly JSA anyway? I think your DP is being more unreasonable than you, given the circumstances

Do you need the money?

I think that's a lot for someone who actually is actively looking for work, and will only be there in the short term.

If he was a lazy arse who was doing nothing about his situation I'd probably side with your DP, but its sounds like your SON (ie not a random lodger) is being quite pro-active. I'd feel bad taking even a penny off him (which would be unreasonable) but I wouldn't charge him the going rate.

Sit down and work out how much more it costs you when he's there, and charge him that. I should think it wouldn't be £50.

£50 a week sounds fine to me until he gets back on his feet as long as he pulls his weight around the house and respects the rules. What is DPs reasoning for the extra £30?

YANBU. If he's not earning or getting JSA/housing benefit that's a lot.

Her sons father is paying the £50.

Blimey, I think even £50 is too much, I lived with DP at his parents for 10 months and we paid 50 a week between 2 of us, god knows what it actually paid for though as his dad is a tight arse who doesn't allow the heating on, and ILs food bills have gone up since we moved out

He'll only get 53quid a week JSA as he is under 25.

Either which way, 80quid is excessive, is this a case of your partner throwing his weight around and showing he is the 'man of the house' ?

I think £67 is the contributions-based rate, StrandedBear. DS2 only gets £50-ish pw income-based. I charge him about half of it. We worked out that he doesn't cost more than that. He too is a tidy person who does his share of chores.

Good luck to your DS with his forthcoming job prospects. And give your mean DP a good kicking in the wallet, where it'll hurt him most, heartless so-and-so.

My DS1 is 23 and earns 18k a year. He pays £30 a week plus about £25 a month towards the phone bill. He takes a packed lunch to work five days a week and has 3 to 4 dinners at home a week plus some snacks such as crisps and cans of coke. We are all happy with this arrangement.

It sounds rather harsh given your son's circumstances.
Our dd1 is 18 and has a full time job. Due to commission and overtime her monthly pay varies, she pays 10% of her pay as board and lodgings.

It is however like gettting blood from a stone. She thinks 10% seems like an awful lot to give away. I have saidin that case keeping 90% must seem like a fortune

I think it is a bit mean to be charging even £30 a week unless you actually need the money. He is your child.

£50 is more than enough in that situation. It isn't as if he's a layabout who you are trying to shock into getting off his arse is it?

NatashaBee I think once your children start a full time job it would be hard to tell them they have to save 1/3 every month, you can tell them it's a good idea but it has to be their decision. We remind our dd1 that the only way she'll be able to afford a car is if she saves up for it, sometimes she saves some but mostly she doesn't. It's her choice and as long as her wages last her the month and she pays her 10% to us I can't complain.

It think it is a lot of money and harsh.

When my stepkids were out of work, but actively looking for it, and they helped around the house when they were at home, I didnt charge them any rent.

Durham I don't make my son save either I am just feel really proud and relieved he has a full time job and want him to enjoy a few years without much responsibility (probably because i had him when I was only 19).

I would say £50 pound was fair enough, although a little high if he were there all week. However, as he is only there 4 nights per week, I think £30 would be a fairer amount.

I can't help wondering why your DP is insisting on such a high amount. Does he dislike having DS there or does he need the money?

How much does it actually cost to keep him?
How much of that cost are you as his mother prepared to cover?

Your DS is not paying for anything himself, is that the point your DH is making? I think it's a reasonable one.

£80 is outrageous! Even if he was there 7 days a week.

Given he is 'looking for employment', £30 is fairer.

Charging an unemployed 21 year old rent to live at home seems quite harsh to me.

Unless I needed the money I'd just let him stay.

Your partner is tight!
My ds (27) paid £25.00 when he was at home. He cooked meals, tidied, did washing and was generally lovely.

I lived with my dear Ma and step dad until I was the grand old age of 22 and wasn't expected to contribute anything more than the odd bit of housework. Seems excessive to me, especially as he is job hunting - I suppose it comes down to how much the household needs the cash?