Is my husband being a tit?

[Greenshirt]

He's still sulking after my parents didn't buy him a present at Christmas.WTF?

Oh - now you've said how tight things are, if my DH were saying that kind of thing, it would mean 'life's so crap / I'm so crap that we can't even afford a pair of socks and I'll have to ask for them for a Christmas present from your parents'.

You don't think it might mean that, do you?

He is NBU to feel upset - If everybody else got a present and he didn't then it's rude. And if your response is tough titty then that adds insult to injury.

He is BU to sulk. You are BU not to understand why he is upset.

Have some of you not read the post properly? The only people my parents bought for were the children.Are you seriously suggesting that it would be reasonable for a man to be jealous of his children? Dear Christ!!

And they will do that, you'll make sure won't you OP? (Tinker)

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?? What the hell is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with the majority of this thread?

I'm with you you Green, I'm genuinely flabbergast at the reactions to this thread. I'm absolutely disgusted that people are slagging off your presents chosen from your dc's to your dp. Absolutely astounding.

It doesn't even matter if the presents were wrapped with a tag with the op's name on. They are biscuits. Obviously to be shared for the family. Oh my god I can't get over this thread. Walk away from it op, don't let it upset you. Yes he is being a prize tit. 10 out of 10 tit.

Thanks Lovelydogs-I really thought I'd been lured into a huge set up thread with everyone posting bizzare replies to make me itch! Glad someone thinks I'm not a shit person[and wife].

Given the story that you've posted Greenshirt, YANBU and yes, quite frankly, he's being a tit.
That said, it all completely depends on the entire/extended (that means including GPs) family's perception of present-giving. My DM is into all that kind of thing so, as we live abroad, I have to buy presents for my kids and DH on behalf of my parents (too expensive to send).
Whereas DH's family really do not give a hoot about birthdays and definitely not Christmas (although they are Japanese, so kinda get that one), so depsite it being DH's 40th birthday yesterday, he didn't even get a token phonecall to say "happy birthday son" from his own m&d. But nor did he care, as that it what he was brought up with - he used to be a little to receive cards ad infinitum from distant relatives of mine from the UK, often containing an ironed fiver ....
When I have asked him what he wants for birthdays etc he always replies "just get something for the kids instead". So totally get where you're coming from Greenshirt with your views.

(sorry, took so long faffing about with my post that others had already repsonded and made you feel better )

I am stupefied by those posters who seem to think the OP's DH is terribly hard-done-by!

Greenshirt, nothing about your gifts were shit. Don't listen to the weirdos.

Don't mind Hully, she's trying out her Paxman/Belgrano interview technique
I think as someone up ^ said, there's probably more to it and maybe a chat will help. Can I have a coffee?

OI

Excuse me, Tufty, I was not. I was trying to get to the bottom of it to HELP.

Green, do ignore all the stupidness about the presents.

Ahh Hully .

I know you were trying to help. I was only joking.

Did you threaten to overrule him?

Have some of you not read the post properly? The only people my parents bought for were the children.

I did, you kept on changing your story as more people told you that you were being a tit.

I think sulking is unreasonable.

But then if my inlaws bought everyone except me a gift then I would be hurt, and wouldn't be able to shrug and shake it off either. Not sure if I'd SULK though.

Its not about the gift, its about being left out, and its not a nice feeling. Unless of course your parents got you nothing as well, in which case he's being silly.

I would be hurt as well. It's all very well making sure that the children are well provided for but to get no present at all is quite horrible. It doesnt take much to put some thought into a gift for someone you care about, it doesnt have to cost the earth. For me, thats a major part of Xmas. I think it shows how much you care about someone if you make the effort to buy them something that you know they will love and enjoy. I love watching my family open their presents and I know thay feel the same way.
Unless it was a pre-arranged thing because finances were unbelievably tight then Id be very hurt indeed, esp if my Mum didnt bother to get me anything, however small, and I dont consider biscuits a thoughtful present.
Why not ask your DH about this. Maybe he would like for everyone to receive/give more thoughtful gifts next year. Maybe its something you need to change, sounds a bit joyless for all the adults tbh, as another poster said its not just a day for the kids. Oh, and he's probably shitting himself that no-one will bother buying him a 40th pressie either!

There are some nasty people on mn. They have such fucking sad lives they come on here to dig at people who they wouldn't have the guts to say anything to in rl.

Your gifts to dh sound fab. I find the OTT spending at Christmas on grown adults rather repulsive. Mind you I don't like dcs being overly spoilt either.

Your dh is being irritating but some men just are? As are some women? Is he usually a tad immature? I feel his other concerns are the real issue tbh?

Oh yes curious mama - really sad and nasty to want to buy someone you love a thoughtful gift and Id have no problem at all saying this in rl

Well, I disagree with the majority and think your husband is being a tit!

1. He shouldn't be making snide comments to you - whatever your parents do or don't do it is not your responsibility.

2)He didn't buy a present for your parents, therefore has no right to feel aggrieved that they didn't buy one for him.

3)His parents bought him a shit present and got nothing for you. You are not kicking off about it a month later.

4. No one has any 'right' to a present, especially if money is tight and people are buying for your children. I view money spent on my dc as a gift to me too.

Tell him to get a fucking grip or your parents will end up thinking that think he is a sulky, childish moron and won't want to buy him a present.

It seems perfectly obvious to me that all families have different expectations/traditions at Christmas and for your parents, present buying is a small scale thing and the kids are seen as the priority.

I do think that you and dh should get a little, thoughtful something for reach other though. It's important to feel appreciated by your partner.

reach = each

From where I'm standing, you're sulking now green.

I don't understand this thread. YOur dh may be hurt that he didn't get a present from your parents, no matter how tiny. By your defensive reactions to very mild questioning and reasoning from posters on here, it looks like you won't give him the time of day with this, call him a tit. Maybe he doesn't agree with the 'no presents for parents' rule but you won't hear of anything else; insist he has the same values as you. Maybe he doesn't, being as you are separate people and all. Being hurt and sulking are two different things - maybe he feels he has to dripfeed the comments because you sneered at him for being upset that he didn't get anything and this time he won't back down.

FFS what the hell is going on here? OP didn't ask for opinions on the other gifts her DH got. And we have no reason to think her DH was disappointed in them. Who the hell are you lot to judge them for being thoughtless and crap? You don't know the family at all. If he goes to the gym or plays sport, a gym bag from his favourite team is a great present. And very thoughtful. My DH would love that. . Equally my DH has a very sweet tooth, any chocs would be very gratefully appreciated. In fact my mother does stocking up every Xmas for us three plus partners and DHs is always full of chocolate and sweets. He looks forward to it every year. And a 2 year old picking a teddy to give daddy is adorable and something to cherish. In fact Op I think i will use your entire gift list for DHs birthday. I know he will love it as he is obviously not as materialistic and grasping as some posters on this thread. .
Actually addressing the question asked. YANBU. Basically your parents didn't get either of you a present. The biscuits where just a donation to the party so he wasn't specifically left out. So he should get over it. He is being a baby.

Hang on a minute so his parents got him some body spray and you got nothing... So whats the difference. There is no way that was a gift to share like the biscuits.

He is a right royal tit and i cant believe people are saying they would be upset. Are they 12.

As long as you have a good day and the children are happy that is all that matters in my book.

SimoneD was I aiming my comment at you? Just because a reply follows another one doesn't mean it's aimed at the immediate poster you know? From what I have now had to read from you I can't see anything nasty in your post so why the paranoia?

I did ask him about how he felt about xmas in general,as a kind of lead into the gift episode and he said that he felt awkward that money was tight this year and he did want to buy all parents a present.He said that he felt a bit ashamed that my parents would feel that he was a no hoper because he wasn't bringing enough money into the pot.This isn't true at all,we all get on great but,I could understand where he was coming from. I felt a bit choked actually and reassured him that money's tight for everyone in the country and we are doing fine.He[and I!] felt better with this out in the open.I have decided to speak to my parents to go in together to buy him a great 40th pressie.It is weird how threads go sometimes isn't it? or should that be isn't a tit?!

Poor fella, it's hard for so many of us nowadays. Dp has a tough job, works permanent nights, but no way would he risk moving for a daytime one. It's way too risky.

I hope he has a lovely 40th. I'm off to a surprise party on Saturday for a guy who's 40. I would hate that! I organised my own but friends still managed a few surprises, one of them being a banner so big the man on the moon saw it, hanging outside the front of the house