Is my husband being a tit?

[Greenshirt]

He's still sulking after my parents didn't buy him a present at Christmas.WTF?

What did you get for your parents?

Biscuits not wrapped,no tag.Didn't claim for myself just put in general eatables pile.No backstory,we all get on fine.I thought the gymbag/rucksack was a good idea as it had his favourite football team on it and as I support a local rival team we have a laugh about it.Not giving me a hard time about it,but just keeps mentioning it.Not going into a berserka,frothing at the mouth kind of rage just,oh I'm out of shower gel,maybe your parents could get me some for my birthday,or oh I'm out of socks,mention it to your parents eh? Irritating comments like that.This was supposed to be quite a light hearted thread,but I feel quite shit now.A crap wife who doesn't give a shit about my husband because I didn't buy him an Aston Martin or wrap up the Holy Grail to show him how much I love him.I feel really crap now.Maybe I'm the real tit here?

Ahh ok, well if there wasn't a tag with just your name on it then that's different

But the catering coffee was a joke present and it really made me laugh! It's a standing joke about my coffee intake.
MummyArabella-my, doesn't your name suit you? I suppose you have images of 'Christmas at the Workhouse' going through your head when you read my present list.
I got my parents a token gift to make them laugh.

if his parents didn't get you anything either, i don't see what the problem is. we have the problem that my in laws always go way over the top and always give us too much, that's before they even start with DS. That is embarrasing for me as I always feel tight as we can't get as much for them. We're in our 30s so really don't need or expect to have Christmas like we're ten years old. It is nice to exchange gifts but the whole christmas shopping thing is an pain in the butt!

YANBU

It sounds like you have a very sensible family who don't get completely ridiculous over buying expensive presents. We set a £5 limit for all adults which is a complete nightmare as its almost impossible to find thoughtful appropriate presents for that amount which means that everyone can afford to give presents.

Your family just bought an unlabelled box of biscuits for everyone it seems and there is nothing wrong with that.

Is it a new thing this year and therefore unexpected? Did he understand that you weren't expecting your parents to buy you presents? If so he'd surely feel better if he knew it wasn't personal?

kudos to MummyAnnabella for slipping in her not very stealth boast about how much she gets spent on her at Christmas :o How the other half live....

You said that the biscuits was your parents' gift to you. Why are you backtracking and said that it really wasn't for you but for the family?

Your presents aren't shit at all, don't feel bad. I bet he loves the presenta the kids chose him, I know I would. And I think it is a far more sensible approach to Christmas than the excessive spending we often see, highlighted so well by a previous poster who expects big presents from her parents despite being an adult in her own right.

I still think that not even a token for your dh if you got something is a wee bit mean though. Especially if he is feeling down at the moment anyway, I can understand him taking it slightly more to heart.

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. Just trying to put myself in your Dh's shoes.

No one is suggesting you had to buy him a fancy car or the holy grail. I don't think this is about money at all actually! It's not how much things cost, it's how much thought you put into them.

If the gym bag was his favourite football team's, that sounds really nice actually.

It sounds like his feelings were hurt and he's trying to 'joke' about it because he knows it's not really on to complain, yet he's hurt. Probably not feeling very appreciated.

I think you should just talk to him. Give him 'permission' for lack of a better word, to be upset about it and just get it all out, then he'll probably stop with the remarks. And ask him if he's actually happy with the way you've been doing things. Maybe he'd actually like to do more for Christmas and just hasn't ever said?

I see where I said 'they bought me a little token gifts of some biscuits' but as I said not wrapped or not said for me,I just meant they were a token for coming over.Certainly not backtracking!
Understand that he maybe making comments to get it out of his system,never thought that way.Will talk to him and get it out in the open.Sounds like I'm uncaring,but I'm not.
'Biscuitgate closed!!

why are people against sulking on here when most of the threads are people sulking about shit.

I would still be sulking next Xmas - but how we do Xmas sounds very different to how you do. I suppose it's expectations - did he expect more?

The Holy Grail is a great idea but is hard to follow. Turning this around (Man muss immer umkehren) your parents are setting themselves up to be heroes when they weigh in with a super-colossal 40th birthday present.

And they will do that, you'll make sure won't you OP?

The question is: why aren't you sulking because his parents didn't give you anything?

Because I am a forty year old mother of three. I am an adult.

Did he buy them one?

No and I just bought them a silly token one.

maybe he just didn't deserve one last year...he can spend this year trying to ingratiate himself more......yes he is being a T*T

The amount of time effort and money that some people lavish on others and then expect others to lavish on them gets more ridiculous every year. Your family's presents seem fine to me. We don't give/receive much in our family and frankly thinking of things that people actually like can be v. hard. Many people resort to a pile of stuff that no one actually needs or wants. Husband a bit silly for thepointed comments that's all

I think YABU purely because YOU seem to be sulking and getting arsey that not everyone is giving you the answer you wanted

So he is having a rough time, he didn't get the best presents and maybe sees that as his age with his big birthday coming up and feels down about it, it may have looked like you were given the biscuits and he got nothing. Give the poor guy a break!

My point was, if your parents didn't give him a present, and his parents didn't give you one, what is his problem?

Was he actually upset by his mum's present, by thinking that she hadn't put any effort into choosing something for him? Was he not actually that happy with the idea of not giving adults presents? Is he generally just feeling shit about life and had been unrealistically hoping that Christmas would cheer him up?

I think DreamingBohemian has the right idea - I do think you need to talk to him straight out about what's upset him.

In previous years, have they got him a present?

Melted-You could be right there! As I said earlier I started this as a light hearted thread and suddenly I seem to be really crap.Certainly food for thought.In previous years they have got us both something,only small,but finances are tight this year for everyone and Id rather they be careful with their money and not feel pressured.