To have kicked DP out?

[missduff]

So me and DP have been together for just over 2 years, he lives in my house but doesn't contribute anything, I mean in the past 4 months since we've been living here (I moved in to my mums for a whole whilst I cleared debts) he has given a grand total of £20 towards food!!

He's a lovely guy, he has a good job but the problem is he is still paying the mortgage that his ex and his kids live in, plus a loan linked with the house plus child maintenance.

5 weeks ago we found out that I'm pregnant and he promised he'd get all his finances sorted, see a solicitor, speak to his ex and get it sorted so he will be able to support us when I'm on maternity leave.

I am in no way saying that he shouldn't be supporting his existing children but his ex is in a decent job, earns more than him but yet he is paying almost all his money out to support them which he is not obliged to do, the CSA say he needs to pay £200 pcm in child maintenance and he pays that + the £800 mortgage.

He seriously just has no money to give me and I'm really worried about how we'll cope when baby is here and I'll be on SMP.

I'm so sick of him promising hes going to do this and he's going to do that and then it not happening.
So last night it came to a head and I told him to leave and not come back till he's able to support me and our baby.

AIBU??

Kelly I thought you reckoned he should be paying half the rent/mortgage not half the difference?

I know some will disagree but I don't actually find my son that expensive to keep. Yes babies are with all the nappies and formula and all the gear they need but kids aren't. I went from living on my own to living on my own with a child so it's easy for me to see my increased costs. I've not moved to a bigger place, gas and elec is no more (it was whilst on mat leave), yes food bills are a lot more, once they're older they don't need so many clothes and get some for Xmas and birthdays, toys they get for Xmas and birthdays, the main expense for me is the childcare.
I'd say it only costs me about £100 a month for me to keep my son (excluding childcare).
And yes we spend quite a bit on days out but that's a luxury not an essential and most dad's who see their kids spend money taking the kids out.

missduff the more you write, the more it sounds like he's taking you for a ride. Now you're telling us he hasn't even been straight with you about their arrangements, yet you choose to see it as a "misunderstanding".

I think you'll eventually come to realise that pinning this man down will be like trying to nail jelly to a wall.

A lot of effort - all for nothing.

Your comments about her costs vs your costs are irrelevant. When is he going to get divorced? That's what you should be asking. That's the only way you're going to find out exactly what he can contribute towards your baby - other than (if you're luckly) some maintenance.

So £450 a month is just being written off as 'house improvements' by the ex and nothing to show for it? And your DP thinks this is ok?
It does appear to the outsider that your DP is extremely reluctant to disentangle himself from his first family.

I think he's taken you for a ride and maybe all this should have been sorted out before you produced a child together

I'm glad you don't find your son that expensive to keep because, by all accounts, you're going to be keeping two of them pretty much on your own :(

He is treating you like you're an affair, I'm sorry. And you can post all you like on here but unless he is prepared to pull the financial plug on his family, you're powerless

Wait - he's still married to her? And the majority of his income is still going on paying for their jointly-owned house and their loans? If that's true, then I agree it sounds a lot like he's just having an affair with you. And taking advantage of you financially as well.

If not for the pregnancy, I'd say you were best off staying out of this whole mess and having nothing further to do with him. Though it's all a bit more complicated now...

Can I swap children miss duff, mine cost me a fortune!

I wish my kids were so cheap to keep mine are sooooo much more expensive than that. I could never feed my kids decent fresh meals on that money. Fresh fruit veg and meat isnt cheap