to be wary of joining the PTA?

[WannabeNigella]

I would really love to help and support the PTA at DS's Primary School but keep hearing horror stories of bossy committee members, once you're in you'll never get out and basically of it being pretty hellish. (Not at his school but of PTA Committee's in general).

Should I steer well clear or AIBU and should I get stuck in and support?

no probs!
Wannabe - you could offer to volunteer at an event and see how you like it. I think most (I hope) are delighted that someone wants to help and should welcome you wth open arms - lets hope they let go though!

Depends on the PTA leadership really and what the parents are like. I was very involved but them but withdrew - like many many others. The PTA was mostly the chairs cleeky friendship group and she mostly she over burdens folk, has a firm agenda of her own, will bull doze items through and is constantly getting lots money out of the parents. It's really quite expensive but she is a woman on a mission and she pumps the parents for every penny.

I love helping out with reading in class though and helping with school trips though

Oh I couldn't join a committee; I have an over-active ego and I can't even abide group decisions at work. I hate meetings that involve (quote) "pissing on chips". I tend to think I could get things done a whole lot easier and a whole lot better if I just did it myself! Committees of all sorts give me the heebies. NO THANK YOU.

(I guess this means I am not a joiner...)

(OP, I admire you for wanting to give it a go. Good on you! Parents like me who happily free-ride on your services should be expected to contribute more financially to the school).

But the thing is I am and was a joiner. But just got treated so badly. I tried for 3 years in a row. But the in charge took it upon herself to go round having a go at the stall runners - they hadn't put things in quite the right place, they hadn't served quite the right sized portion - they hadn't kept sales statisics to be able to give a report every 15 minutes. All these failings could never be whispered quietly - they had to be barked at top volume in a humiliating way. Then the after event party was only for the sucker uppers - they used to look embarrassedly at the ones who weren't invited (because they hadn't apologised profusely for their failings) waiting for them to leave. Then have a lovely glass of piss punch in a plastic cup and a good bitch about those that weren't invited. I did try to hold back before - but this is the reality of PTA in our area. Then the same people have a good moan about how nobody volunteers. Same experience over two schools I'm afraid before somebody says just a bad egg. Sorry I have PMT. But I have wanted to say this for days. No doubt I will be name changing by the morning.

psketti it sounds like you had a really shit experience (well, 2) of PTAs and you're done. Fair enough.
The chair of our PTA seems a sweetie so far, but I am new to the school so we shall see.. it does seem to be something that attracts bossy power-tripping types

I don't see why you need to name change, especially when your name is exactly how my DD2 pronounced spaghetti for years.

Quite simplistic to divide people into "joiners" or "non-joiners".

Yes there are some people who join everything and some who join nothing - which is entirely up to them.

But the rest of us join just one or two things, so while we're not non-joiners, we don't necessarily identify ourselves smugly as a joiner either.

Our PTA meets in the evenings always very inclusive and sensitive about not excluding working parents etc. THough admittedly I am that lowest of the low lifeform SAHM seeking validation

Crikey. What a lot of chatter! I joined my PSA last year to keep up the numbers (the chair asked me to stand) but said that I couldn't really do much as I was chocca with other voluntary stuff, starting a new job etc. I have been a rubbish committee member but have tried to volunteer where I could, mostly because noone else volunteered to do anything and the co-chairs have worked their asses off, but then i have not been able to do all the stuff I volunteered for. So I look really crap. And I feel bad.

Tonight we have our agm and there's no one committed to being on the board but still everyone's pushing and pushing for the PSA to stay as it is - a registered charity with sh*t loads of work. And yet again reluctant volunteers step up to fill the board positions. I don't understand the logic. And I was the only person in the room to want to even think about another entity and another way of helping the school. There want a dad in sight, just mums in the room, trying to juggle jobs, kids, hobbies ect. I'm just not sure what room there is in life to fit in the commitmen of running a charity and running so formally. I want to volunteer and do my bit for my school, but I don't want to HAVE to do it. and I can't see the benefits of having such a formal structure unless you have to i.e. if your turnover or profits exceed threshold. I don't like the formality of PSA and PTAs, it's such an over engineered phenomena. I can't think of another situation in life where you have to become charity must to contribute to something. To me it's just utter madness and it makes a lot of work for the board, who then transfer that onto members who unwittingly signed up.

Sorry, I've not helped much have I!?

Have a go, like everyone else says, it might be absolutely fine...

I joined the PTA for DC3's last year, so had the perfect excuse to leave at the end of the year.

I was put off by the cliquiness. dH and I would help out whenever possible and ran some stalls because there were one or two women we liked but quite a few who were vile and I felt used their PTA connections at times to protect their badly behaved kids. Thank god some people do volunteer their time though.

I was chair of Pta at primary school, and am now doing it at secondary school
We have a committee of 4 "officials" , and about 6 regular attendees at meetings. Plus people we can call on to help at the fair etc.

It's much harder raising money at this level, but we talk to the girls, get them to help, ask what they want to spend money on (as well as staff) and keep parents involved in what we are doing through Parentmail and a termly newsletter.
My view is to spend money as we raise it, so people can see immediately where the money has gone, and always have a fundraising focus...last year we funded a study area.

I love doing it, and value people who give up an hour once a year to help (and that's all we ask for, from a tiny proportion of our parents)

Depends on the people running it.

Ours is a hotbed of back stabbing, gossip and viscous arguments so I stay away from the meetings, help at the events and volunteer for 2 days a week in school