to be wary of joining the PTA?

[WannabeNigella]

I would really love to help and support the PTA at DS's Primary School but keep hearing horror stories of bossy committee members, once you're in you'll never get out and basically of it being pretty hellish. (Not at his school but of PTA Committee's in general).

Should I steer well clear or AIBU and should I get stuck in and support?

I joined but I wasn't the right kind of person. I became one of those irritating people!

I realised this was the case when someone from a neighbouring village said "oh yes I've heard about your PTA, there's this really irritating woman who insisted on recycling bins everywhere".

You can't push your own passions (green/healthy food) at the PTA. You need to just do what you're told. Then you can quietly find a way to start an event that suits you (so if you are a greenie you volunteer to set up a toy swap event). I ended up setting up a school orchestra instead - much more suited to my skills!

Am on the committee, do massive baking sessions for the school and in return get first dibs at the jumble sale. Worth it for that alone!

No bitchiness, just a dedicated bunch of people - about a dozen of us in a school of 450.

I'm on the PTA, I work PT. Ours is a lovely bunch of both working and SAH mums and dads. I think it's very different at each school tbh.
I won't do admin (as I'm rubbish at it!), but I do lots of helping at events, facepainting, cake baking etc. We organised an event every month last year and have raised loads of money. I'm proud to be part of that.

I think one of the reasons PTAs go stale is because of the attitudes displayed on here, it must be difficult when no matter what you try it's the same old people doing all the work. It's not just the PTA, so many parents just turn away and don't get involved/pay for swimming/attend events etc and everyone's children potentially suffer, especially at a small school where funds are even tighter.

Some of the posters here seem very bigoted about it, do try to keep an open mind, regardless of what others claim to have experienced- you have to ask yourself how nice those people doing the judging are.

A very important tip

Do NOT agree to be the vice-chair of the PTA unless you are prepared to be Chair.

I agreed to be Vice-Chair (quite a simple role). Then the Chair resigned.

Still, someone has to do it, I suppose.

^Helping out as a general member of PTA is, however, fine.

BarbarianMum (Chair of Preschool Committee)

I help out the PTA at events but I am not a member of it. I do things like help with the catering at the school fair, helping out at the school discos, that sort of them. The PTA all seem really nice and dedicated and most of them work, many full-time (one is a solicitor, another a social worker). I don't see the SAHM competitiveness at all. I guess it depends a lot of on the school.

Why not volunteer to help out and see how you get on with them and then decide?

I'm part of our PTA and have made some lovely friends. There are some irritating sorts there but aren't there everywhere! We raised almost £30,000 last year.

I was sec of the PTA for about 3 years before moving and working more hours, plus change of family circumstances has made it harder where we are now.

I had enormous fun observing the bitchy element (what a lesson in life!) and also had huge admiration for some amazing diplomacy, ingeniousness and hard work that went on. We were a mixture of SAHMs and mostly part-time WOHMs, plus a couple of school staff. Always a lack of dads actually attending meetings, but they did help out with events. You can be involved as little or as much as you want to, you don't have to take a role in the committee, you can volunteer for anything you think you will enjoy, or come up with creative ideas and provide contacts for fundraising. I think it is a great thing to do and should not be dismissed out of hand. L

Shame on you scathing posters!

Ours was/is a bit of a nightmare. For various reasons I got involved last year (and ended up in a ridiculously senior role). The co-chair made it clear that basically to give a high level of involvement you can't be a working mum (me) and you need a massive car to shelp PTA related stuff around (don't drive). And you need a rich husband to buy loads of tickets for the PTA ball (fail at that hurdle too.) Disaster. I will still help with things like the fetes but frankly the rest of the time...good luck to them. In our school, although this will by no means be true of everywhere, I believe mothers get involved to have some sort of influence with the head etc. DCs go to a private school, I should disclose.

I got much more satisfaction from helping with the NCT.

I've just joined the PTA, and so far, they seem like a really nice bunch of people. Mix of working and SAHM's, some Dads also on the periphery too. Not massive time commitment, no bitchiness, quite a few extra Mums/Dads who don't come to meetings but always seem to turn up and muck in on events.
I'd give yours a go and if it is a nest of vipers, drop out.

I think OP is right to suck it and see.
Sometimes I get really depressed at threads which all suggest that any group of women (and it is mainly women, let's face it) who are trying to do community-minded things will be bitchy and unwelcoming. I'm not just talking about this thread but also about other recent threads eg about the NCT, playgroups etc. We all seem to look down their noses at anything which is a) women run and b) not professional, plus sometimes we have expectations that are really really over the top- that everyone will be equally lovely, that we will make friends for life etc. And then get pissed off when that doesn't materialise.
All I can say is women-run volunteering can be fantastic fun and hugely rewarding. Or you might not enjoy it very much. But don't write it off in principle.

I get really irritated at the generalisations I read on here about PTA members. I was on the PTA when DD was at primary school and our PTA was run in a similar vein to Scholes34's.

Some of the members were SAHMs, some worked part time, some worked full time and we had a couple of dads who worked full time. We never pestered other people and just asked for extra help for the summer and Christmas fairs to run stalls. We would meet for maybe one meeting a term and I would say that the amount of time it took up was negligable.

There was no bitchiness or cliqueness as we weren't all members of the same group of friends outside of school. The one thing we had in common was to raise funds to buy the children extras to enhance their school experience, for example - extra laptop computers in the IT suite, library books, presents from Father Christmas, painting the playground with hopscotch etc.

If you don't want to join I would suggest you offer some help for events like the Christmas/summer fairs. I'm sure they would be only to pleased to have an extra pair of hands.

Join in, but if you find it doesn't suit you then step back & help out at a distance, if its anything like ours I can imagine most PTAs will snap your hand off for even minimum help.

thats pretty much how I've played it, I do a lot for fetes etc, but I found the actual meetings difficult, partly because as a charity they have to dot the Is & cross the Ts & go back & do it again, which coming from a very fast moving, snap decision making industry I found frustrating as hell & also because I'm an anti social cow health problems often make meetings difficult for me, but I DO really enjoy helping out & the people currently running our PTA are lovely

I have come across the other sort though, when DD first joined the School, seeing a massive queue at an arty activity at the School fete & offering to step in & help out had me glared at & ignored - 3 times by the woman who had obviously fancied herself as a bit of an artist & had set herself up as head honcho - it really put me off - especially when I replied to an emergency cry for help over another none PTA artsy school project, that had me working with the same Woman & despite my really enjoying the project, I found her such hard work - not helped by the fact I was basically mopping up her mess - she did have talent, but not very practical with it, so it meant I had to try & coax her into giving me the info I needed, so that I could then turn it into something workable for what was needed IYSWIM - it was like getting blood out of a stone & had me stressed & ending up working at home on the project so as not to have to deal with her, as I found it easier & quicker - & when the project finally come together & worked & I was thanked for it - as was she - she even had the brass nerve to take me to one side & tell me that I wasn't needed as she's an artist & it always looks chaotic, but something always turns up at the last minute & makes it work for her errr yes love, this time it was - ME - she has never spoken to me since, yet is always really friendly to DH

So YES, these people do exist & it CAN put people off, but don't let it, you might well be missing out on something you really enjoy - I haven't volunteered for that particular project, because of this woman, but I have now taken over other things she used to do & really LOVE doing it, its great fun & not anything I would get a chance to do otherwise :)

Hi, I have been a member of my DCs primary school PTA right from reception, and now they are to leave in July. We have raised thousands of pounds for our school, and had a lot of fun along the way! Yes, there has been hard work at times, but this is is far, far outweighed by the fun and social aspects of being on the comittee. We all have a great time and laugh a lot. We are by no means "clicky", we all come from different backgrounds, and we all have different incomes, so a lot we do is "cheap and cheerful", for instance, this weekend we had a Bring and Share supper at one of the more affluent members houses (she has more room, there are 15 of us!). We each bought a dish to eat, and a bottle of wine, and we had a brillient time, lots of good and unusual food and plenty of drink (hic), and great conversation.
Dont let a few scare stories put you off, if you find you cant get on, just resign, its not a big problem.

I am a member of the PTA and we are a friendly bunch (at least I think so ). We have meetings every 6 weeks probably and organise it so that everyone gets to be part of organising one event and then just helps at the others, that stops some people doing all the work.

I think it is a good thing ans we have raised loads of money for the school. We also have a good time with the events we do and everyone eljoys themselves.

So I would say go for it, I'm sure they would welcome your contributions.

By the way, most of us are working mums, although some, obviously, are not. We were at one point, having trouble with the positions like Chair/vice chair/treasurer etc, but we split the jobs down and had 2 or 3 people "jobsharing" so to speak, and also we did it on a term by term basis, so nobody felt it was too huge a responsibility and it didnt seem like a chore. Also, we each volunteer to take ownership and organise just 1 of the events in a year, be it on our own, or as part of a small group, that way none of us gets landed with all the organistion work of a lot of events, and this makes it a lot easier to manage!

no.work ft,no time or inclination
the housewife wags are all competing to be conspicuous participants so i leave them to it

heliumballon makes a really good point - why are women so bad at putting each other down and why do voluntary groups get such a bad name? scottishmummy's comment is particularly unhelpful - perhaps this has been your personal experience of a PTA but judging from most of the comments above the majority of PTAs are supported by hard working, committed volunteers who may or may not work outside of the home.

I do quite a lot of voluntary work in different areas (and most of it is organised completely by women) and it does seem quite 'acceptable' to sneer at volunteers whereas if we were doing exactly the same role, but being paid for it we would be respected - I wonder why this is?

With any committee, you will always find doers, moaners, talkers... I helped out at some events before joining the committee, then when I made the decision to join the committee, I set myself a 2 year limit (and stuck to it). You will probably find that your PTA will be glad to receive new ideas/suggestions/help even if you are not on the committee.

LOL does "unhelpful" mean you disagree?hey hum
our pta meetings daytime, no evening or w'end provision
they do request an availability that one couldnt meet if working
the wag housewifes do conspicuously participate and then berate those who dont attend,with no acknowledgement that the hours dont accommodate anyone working

the liaison with school, and meetings and planning is undertaken in school hours again disbarring many who work

Poor you, scottishmummy, our meetings were always in a pub in the evening and were quite hilarious!
We were asked to have more daytime meetings to accomodate those with evening childcare difficulties.

ours is a bit jolly hockeysticks,no pub im afraid
yes of course they vary school to school,as does the ethos and expectations of them

my exp was like scottish mummies - they're supposed to do one mtg in the am, the next in the pm but it rarely happens like that. then it becomes this self-fullfilling situation where the only people who can go don't work (at least full time), therefore more likely to be involved, so there's no 'need' for evening meetings, etc

Berating of those who can't attend - yup, recognise that. Totally realise not every school is like this BUT I do think it would be a good idea for heads to keep an eye on how the PTA environment is developing and encourage practices that enable as many parents as poss to participate. PTAs don't raise insignificant sums of money, so it's reasonable for them to care.

"With any committee, you will always find doers, moaners, talkers... "

oh god I was a talker

but at least I left and went back online.

Oh, mine is awful awful awful! I have masses of committee experience (political/campaigning/charitable) and have never encountered such passive aggression, disapproval and general pissing on chips as in our PTA! This last meeting I had to be a little late and three people took the time to make snipey remarks - on my previous committees we were very pleased that people turned up at all and took the time to say so!

Horrible. The committee moans constantly about no new members but won't speak to anyone, moans about not raising enough but won't set targets, moans about needing new ideas but anything suggested is shot down. I'm not standing again - gonna use what little energy I have somewhere it is appreciated.

The Head is fabulous and I really wanted to support her but I will lose the will to live if I stay there so will have to do something else.

I'm a bit of a committee person, so have loved being on PTAs.

Currently considering signing up to DS3's secondary school one, but am put off because it is held in a pub. Nothing against drinking or socialising in pubs, but much prefer meetings where I can hear what's going on properly.

Is that just me?