to be wary of joining the PTA?

[WannabeNigella]

I would really love to help and support the PTA at DS's Primary School but keep hearing horror stories of bossy committee members, once you're in you'll never get out and basically of it being pretty hellish. (Not at his school but of PTA Committee's in general).

Should I steer well clear or AIBU and should I get stuck in and support?

Give it a go and don't knock it until you try it. None of the committee members on mine are SAHM and it's all quite democratic. PTAs the country over seem to have this reputation but this hasn't been my experience, or anyone I know who has been involed in one's experience either.

If you don't like it or find it doesn't work for you, you can always step back. At our school, most parents tend to do a couple of years on the committee and then step back when their kids get older, but still help out at ad hoc events.

From my personal experience, my advice to you, is...
RUN FOR THE HILLS! NOW, AND DON'T LOOK BACK!

The thing that people tend to forget is that by dint of having a child at school, you are already a member of the PTA; the question is, how involved a member do you want to be? The PTA at my dc's school is chaired by a man who works FT, the committee is a mix of SAHM & people who work outside the home. Others chip in & help as & when, for example I helped sort items for the Christmas Fayre & my dh usually volunteers to help on the Bar BQ at the summer fete. There is usually meeting at the beginning of the school year to discuss what the year's events will be & quite often a meeting prior to any big PTA event. As a first step, I'd suggest asking to go on their e-mail distribution list ; you get a feel for the "tone" of how things happen & can volunteer to be a helping hand when you want.

What is it with the PTA bashing?

I've been on various PTAs/Parent Councils for the past ten plus years. I do it because I have the time. I do it for the benefit of the children. I don't do it so people will look at me and think how worthy I am.

Yes, you get some people who are like that, but most are just in it to help.

Another run for the hills here. I did try it and was horrified. You should at least try it - yours might be full of lovely people.

There are 2 types of PTA member.
1/ those who like to run the show, delegate, chair the meeting, present the cheque and take all the credit,
and 2/ those who do all the work, take all the stick, try valiantly to get others to muck in and fail, get trodden on in meetings and go unthanked!

And I was on the PTA for 3 years. I was a 2!

My DH is on the PTA and yes it is a thankless task & some of the members are -fucking irritating a tad tedious BUT they do some really great fundraising activities that have (amongst other things) resurfaced the playground, bought new climbing frame, replaced books & decorated the toilets. If the 'dreaded' PTA didn't exist them none of these things would happen so I say go for it

People talk such utter rubbish about the PTA, as if it is some sort of power trip rather than being useful. It is a thankless task but a good way to meet people and someone needs to do it. They are generally very nice-the people to avoid are those who moan about everything and never lift a finger themselves.

Honestly.. I would go to a few meetings, offer nothing, listen, watch and wait. You will soon get a measure of if you need to run or if it is ok and you feel you want to offer them some support

I am coming from the perspective of someone who loitered in the dark corner of meetings for a year, then under some duress I agreed to takeover as chair.

I am still finding my feet and after the last chair being in place for 6 years I have some huge shoes to fill!!

Go for it!

I'm on the PTA at my local school, and have found it to be far less scary than I thought it would. I only volunteer to do what I can actually manage and I think most mums do the same. Without the PTA, schools would really struggle. I know we raise several thousand pounds each year and the school depends on funds like this to just keep going. As others have said, if you don't like it you can always quit.

Oh and I'm definitely not an alpha mummy. We're not all like that .

If you join it yourself then it will no longer be full of "hideous harpies", and the next person who joins will see you and think they'd like to join as there's at least 1 nice person already there :)P

I spent 2 years on the PTA. It was like a prison sentance. Mind you, I was the only young and single Mum in a very middle class PTA. I had to bring my dd to meetings and she was not made very welcome and once I walked in on them bitching about me.

I raised a fortune, though, as I was a charity fundraiser at the time and had loads of contacts They were pretty horrible and most didn't do paid work. TBH, I got the impression they didn't like me because my face didn't fit and because I was much better at raising cash/raffle prizes than them despite working full time.

I genuinely just wanted to fit in and make friends and to help my small daughter make friends. She is 14 now and that is far behind us and it made not a blind bit of difference as she is not good friends with any of their kids thank god.

Popcorn, that was my attitude. once....

Don't be put off by urban myths about PTAS.
I was chair at a primary school, and now at secondary (a whole different ball games)
Everyone friendly, everyone doing it because we like raising money and being involved in the schools.
Everyone works too.

I've met some lovely people and I'm very proud of what we all achieve.

I have been on five different PTAs and all of them have been fine, of course you get one or two 'unpleasant' people on them but that is life - in my experience all the 'bitches' are the other parents who moan about the PTA and see us as 'do-gooders' and an easy target when they want to complain about something.

And why all the unpleasant comments about SAHMs, some PTA members are working outside the home, some work from home, we actually have retired grandparents as well, some aren't in paid employment - I find that if you want anything done, ask a busy person .............. whether or not they 'go out to work' .

Wannabe - tbh I would avoid it like the plague.

The PTA where I work are doing stuff on an almost daily basis (and there are a fair few characters that are very stereotypical to say the least). Given your circumstances it sounds as if you have enough on your plate already without adding the work itself and a load of pseudo 'office politics' to the equation.

Get stuck in. You may be lucky enough to be part of something pretty special, you may not.

I was a PTA member for 4 years. I got out by simply saying 'I can't do it anymore'. Most people were fine, some have been a bit off, one gave me a lecture on getting my priorities straight (whatever).

I can tell you horror stories, but I also enjoyed it, there was huge comedy value as well. Don't take anything personally, even the personal stuff and have a 'water off a duck's back' approach.

The crux of the matter is that every PTA needs you, so give it a go. You probably won't be thanked enough, there probably won't be enough of you to share the burden, but you can meet some great people and well, it feels good to contribute to your child's school... plus you get a say on how funds are allocated.

I have been on the PTA since my child joined senior school, joined more by accident thinking I was being asked to bake cakes! There is a mix of people there and lots who like to talk and show how important they are, but it generally comes down to the same people who are doer's not committee membes that get things done.

My school PTA is completely fine, and organises a lot of social events and fundraises for the school.
There are no difficult members, and no lecturing, just a group of parents trying to improve the childrens experience of school.

I'm not on the commitee, as I dont have time, but I help out at some of the events.
Some PTA's clearly do have a bit of a reputation, but they are not all the same.

PTA at DS school are really lovely, raise lots of much needed money and don't just grandstand it all. I have joined (this is his first year and we live in a different village so I thought it was important to muck in to get to know people and because I am committed to the school and D S education) (OK I've put you off by sounding like a worthy cow). My problem is that I am a SAHM with DH like yours away or not home till 8 ish. And the majority of PTA have older children, work full or part time and have DP home around 5 or working from home. So setting up for events is always arranged for times when I have I tired little boy needing tea, bath and bed and DH not there. I am hoping to take over a job I can do in my 'free time' and stand down from committee otherwise. My point (post ramble) is be clear in your mind what you can do, maybe talk to the chair about when your time would be needed, and give it a go. You can always stand down after a year if it doesn't work out but you will have demonstrated your interest and willingness and may have found something that works for you.

I have been on various PTA over the years and have never encountered the mythical bitchy committee. There have been all sorts but mostly they have been pleasant people trying to be helpful. There have only been two look-at-me-queen-bee types in all those years.

Thank you all so much for all the great information. You've all been a real help. I think I'll ask to sit in on the next meeting and see what I think and also get a feel for how many meetings there are etc. If DH is home then he will be here for children but otherwise I have to rely on my parents to babysit, who are great, but they live 35 mile away so it is a bit of an expedition for a couple of hours.

I am very wary of committees situations and am a bit of a wimp for letting things get dumped on me, even though our school lot are really nice.

I have an arrangement with the Chair that I help out when needed, ie: run a stall at the fete, help out with the Xmas dinner etc, that sort of thing. She just tells me when and where and I have no other input - but I am still helping out. My DH is one of about 4 dads who are reliable enough to be counted on for the heavy lifting/gazebo erecting type stuff. The PTA have asked specifically for Dads to help out at certain things, but its always the same few that help, whereas there are lots of 'reserve team' mums like me who help out when needed.

I help out quite a lot at school (not always through the PTA) and I work there as well but I don't have time for the meetings. Have no wish to join, I'm just happy to help when I can.
I would say join and see for yourself. It's your school, your PTA.

I am wary - I support the school in ways that I do best, eg volunteering to help in class, donating stuff for fairs, but I don't do PTA. I'm very busy as I work and have a toddler as well as school-age DC, but also I am crap on committees - I can't bear all the mithering on and long-winded decision-making, and I tend to say what I think and then realise I shouldn't have (I also find I disagree with almost every majority opinion, eg I'm opposed to religion in schools, I hate uniform, I'm stridently feminist etc etc) and I would soon make myself unpopular. I think it depends on whether you will feel comfortable with whatever group of people are running it at your school. But also I think some people are much better suited to that kind of thing than others.