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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child in car alone

106 replies

yummumto3girls · 23/01/2012 11:19

Right, deep breath, never posted in AIBU so be constructive please!

I have just come back from doing my weekly supermarket shop. As I walked in to the supermarket I noticed a young child sat in a car seat in a car on his own. Not sure how old but certainly below 4. The child was crying. I walked in to the entrance of the supermarket and decided to look back to check if someone had returned to the car, but they hadn't, so I stood for a while longer. I was concerned about the child so in the end spoke to the customer service desk just in side and said I was concerned about the child in the car alone. The customer services lady walked over to the car, the child was still crying, another member of public expressed her concern. The customer services lady then put a call out over the tannoy for them to return to the car. A few minutes later a lady appeared and explained that she could not bring the child in as he "would be a nightmare" and she was doing her shopping as quickly as she could. I said that she shouldn't leave a child in the car alone for that long, to which she responded that she was going to sort her child out and was then going to continue doing her shopping. She annoyed me at this point because it seemed so normal just to leave him in the car, and that he was crying. I said that if she did return to do her shopping leaving her child in the car that I would call the police (probably a little over top of me I know).

Now don't get me wrong, I have 3 children and do leave them in the car when I nip in to a shop, but it is always where I can see the car and literally for a few minutes. Today we were at a main supermarket and she was doing her main shop, whilst small child is in the car. If she had returned looking really stressed I might have had some sympathy and thought she was struggling, but she was impeccably dressed and made up, and talked very calmly. I feel rubbish now for interfering, it is not something I normally do, so was I BU for interfering?

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 23/01/2012 11:20

Nope YWNBU to get involved.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 23/01/2012 11:22

Imagine if it was summer and a roasting hot day.

You did the right thing!

blondie80 · 23/01/2012 11:22

YWNBU. Poor little boy.

WorraLiberty · 23/01/2012 11:23

Do you really feel rubbish though?

If so, why?

Deliaskis · 23/01/2012 11:23

YWNBU to get involved. Really sad story TBH.

BobblyGussets · 23/01/2012 11:23

No, you were definitely right to say something. I left DS in the car for 5 minutes at that age once and when I came back he had wet himself. He was too young and I was wrong. It was horrible for him and far worse could happen.

Kayano · 23/01/2012 11:24

You did a great think and ywnbu

She was just shit

yummumto3girls · 23/01/2012 11:25

Thanks, just worried that it was one of those situations where you don't know the full facts of the mum and child. We all have those nightmare times at the supermarket with our children but still would not leave them in the car.

OP posts:
Kayano · 23/01/2012 11:27

whispers

Was she is a P&C space though...

Because technically she didn't NEED the additional space what with abandoning her baby and all that Wink

thisisyesterday · 23/01/2012 11:28

yanbu you did the right thing.
and if she had left the child again then it would have been abdsolutely right to contact the police on non-emergency number IMO.

McHappyPants2012 · 23/01/2012 11:30

don't need to know the full facts.

i only leave my DC in the car when paying for petrol and i can see the car at all times.

it takes a good hour to do the main shop and imo it is cruel to leave a young child in the car for that long.

yanbu

Lovethesea · 23/01/2012 11:31

Very different to leaving a content or sleeping child while you run in and buy a paper with the car outside the shop - a main shop can take ages if queues are slow and he was crying so clearly not ok with it.

I think you were right to do it. I leave mine in the car and go grab a paper or milk in the tiny local shop while parked outside the door. I see it as the same as leaving them in the car while I pay at the garage. I wouldn't leave them if they ever showed any sign of upset about it at all.

thefurryone · 23/01/2012 11:31

You did the right thing, I walked past a car in the street the other day with what must have been a 1 1/2 - 2 year old in the back crying, she'd clearly been left in there asleep and then woken up. I dithered around not really knowing what to do as it was hard to tell which house the car belonged to from where it was parked. In the end whilst I was knocking on the wrong door her Dad came out of another house to get her, apparently he'd been caught up in conversation and forgotten to check on her Hmm.

He probably thought I was an interfering busybody but the poor thing looked really upset and I couldn't just do nothing.

januaryjojo · 23/01/2012 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Henwelly · 23/01/2012 11:43

I struggle with type of thing a little, i'm never sure when is ok!

This lady was very wrong and you def did the right thing.

My DS, who is 6, begs me to leave him in the car when I pop in the supermarket for milk and bread (or something similer) it is easier to leave him as he creates merry hell if I make him go in. However I feel awful and run through the store as fast as my legs can take me - when I get out he is usually cross im so fast, as he hasnt finished the game he was playing on my
phone!!

I'm amazed that she wasnt more sheepish tbh.

Sidge · 23/01/2012 11:45

You did the right thing IMO.

How is a child ever to learn how to behave and NOT be a nightmare if you don't take them in to the shop?

yummumto3girls · 23/01/2012 11:47

That's what annoyed me, she was not sheepish at all and did not consider that she was doing something wrong.

OP posts:
CurlyBoy · 23/01/2012 11:48

I always worry about this too! I've nipped into a petrol station or to a cash point with my kid in the car but it's only been for a few minutes and the car is in sight. I also try to park so my lad can see me while I'm about my business. I can't believe someone would do their main shop leaving their kid in the car! YWNBU getting involved!

NinkyNonker · 23/01/2012 11:52

Yanbu. I'll pay for petrol, or return a trolley leaving dd in the car as long as the car is in sight, but never to do a shop!

DeWe · 23/01/2012 11:55

The police were down at school a couple of years ago after someone had alerted them that someone regularly left their preschooler in the car while they dropped off the older one. They wouldn't have been gone for more than 10-15 minutes, but the police took it very seriously and warned the person not to do it again. They then patrolled round for several weeks at that time (not every day, but 2-3 a week) to check she wasn't.

On the basis that person obviously was planning on doing it again, I'd have been tempted to take the number plate and report it later to the police.

SusanneLinder · 23/01/2012 11:56

Def not unreasonable. I would never leave a young child in a car while I popped in for a supermarket shop. Yes I would if I nipped in for a paper or petrol,but supermarket shops take AGES.

If he was that much of a nightmare, she should either use home delivery/get someone to watch him/take something to amuse him/delete as appropriate.

Poor wee soul.

ILoveSanta · 23/01/2012 11:56

YANBU, I feel bad when I leave my sleeping 4 yr old in the car outside the village shop when I run in to get bread, or when I pay for petrol. Poor thing must have been scared to be crying like that.

squeakytoy · 23/01/2012 12:04

I would say a 6 year old could be left if you knew they were sensible. At 6 my parents would leave me in the car with my book while they went into Makro (under 18's not allowed in). I was fine. They wouldnt have left me while I was any younger than that though.

notso · 23/01/2012 12:14

I'm never sure about this.
I live very close to school. Lots of parents, leave their pre-school DC in their cars outside my house while they pick up or drop of at school and I don't bat an eyelid.
However I wouldn't dream of leaving DS2 alone in the house while I went to pick up my other DC.

PocPoc · 23/01/2012 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.