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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child in car alone

106 replies

yummumto3girls · 23/01/2012 11:19

Right, deep breath, never posted in AIBU so be constructive please!

I have just come back from doing my weekly supermarket shop. As I walked in to the supermarket I noticed a young child sat in a car seat in a car on his own. Not sure how old but certainly below 4. The child was crying. I walked in to the entrance of the supermarket and decided to look back to check if someone had returned to the car, but they hadn't, so I stood for a while longer. I was concerned about the child so in the end spoke to the customer service desk just in side and said I was concerned about the child in the car alone. The customer services lady walked over to the car, the child was still crying, another member of public expressed her concern. The customer services lady then put a call out over the tannoy for them to return to the car. A few minutes later a lady appeared and explained that she could not bring the child in as he "would be a nightmare" and she was doing her shopping as quickly as she could. I said that she shouldn't leave a child in the car alone for that long, to which she responded that she was going to sort her child out and was then going to continue doing her shopping. She annoyed me at this point because it seemed so normal just to leave him in the car, and that he was crying. I said that if she did return to do her shopping leaving her child in the car that I would call the police (probably a little over top of me I know).

Now don't get me wrong, I have 3 children and do leave them in the car when I nip in to a shop, but it is always where I can see the car and literally for a few minutes. Today we were at a main supermarket and she was doing her main shop, whilst small child is in the car. If she had returned looking really stressed I might have had some sympathy and thought she was struggling, but she was impeccably dressed and made up, and talked very calmly. I feel rubbish now for interfering, it is not something I normally do, so was I BU for interfering?

OP posts:

Sluttybuttons · 24/01/2012 11:47

I have been shouted at for leaving my 1 year old twins and dd (6) in the car before. The person wouldnt even let me talk to start with. I had to park at the other end of a big carpark because there were no other spaces. I wasnt able to carry them both to get the trolly so i left them all while i went to get 1. Couldnt have been more than a minute or so but in that time somebody had walked past my car and seen the 3 children alone then took it upon themselves to read me the riot about what an irresponsible parent i was.

I know your situation was different and tbh i probably would have done the same thing.

morecoffeepleaseholdthecake · 24/01/2012 11:49

YANBU A child was taken from a parked car at our local supermarket while his mum was in there just getting a "few things". He was 8. He was lucky to get away from the kidnapper a few streets away after the 30min ordeal.

Mumof1plustwins · 24/01/2012 12:49

I've read the whole post and at first I thought it would be ok to leave your child in sight but I soon realised no, it isn't. Whether its for 2 minutes or 5, why can't you take YOUR child with you? It's true you should not take these shortcuts with your children's safety.
Anything could happen so why risk it?
If mothers (and fathers) with multiple children can haul their DC out of the car everytime why can't you?
You didn't bring the pram? Go home and get it, you can't carry all the children to the trolly? Get home delivery or reins. Don't make excuses, just look after the children you chose to have.
If its inconvenient to take DC shopping then get a baby sitter or home delivery.
No ones perfect but to your children you are their only protection so keep them safe, that way no one can judge you or tell on you.

Sluttybuttons · 24/01/2012 12:56

Bit hard to use reigns when they dont walk. I have no babysitter or anybody i can leave the children with. I am a lone parent and do it all alone. I am never without my children other than the odd minute i need to get a trolly (usually can get parked near the entrance). Id rather leave them in the car (doors locked) for the brief time it takes me to get a trolly. DD1 knows not to open the doors and if there is a problem then she can beep the horn.

Hardgoing · 24/01/2012 13:02

I wouldn't leave a pre-schooler in the car, but...why is it safer, in SluttyButtons example, to take one year old twins and a six year old into a car park. Same as in petrol forecourts. I can never understand why people think it's safer to take small toddlers where there are cars trying to maneouvre and park and they probably can't see them at all. In those situations, I always think it's safer to keep your eye on your car, lock them in and quickly go and pay/get trolly. I am never going to be convinced taking several small children out of a car is the best thing to to when there are lots of cars around.

Mumof1plustwins · 24/01/2012 13:03

I sympathise being a lone parent is tough and the last thing i want to do is start an online argument but why can't you shop online?

porcamiseria · 24/01/2012 13:05

yanbu, I would have done the same. for fucks sake deal with a screaming toddler like the rest of us do. nasty woman

Hardgoing · 24/01/2012 13:13

I think the suggestion that lone parents should all shop online (what, for everything, ever?) in case anyone accuses them of child neglect when they go to get a shopping trolly in a car park is really an indication of just how out of hand this paranoia about safety has got.

I don't approve of leaving a three year old in a car for a major shop and think the OP is entirely reasonable, but to pay for petrol or get a trolley...? Children don't implode when left alone for one second, and if strapped in a carseat, are much safer there than getting them all out and going with reins or even a pushchair through a carpark or forecourty with moving vehicles.

Sluttybuttons · 24/01/2012 13:13

Because when ll you need is nappies and milk then waiting 2 days to get them really isnt do-able. And i do shop online but only if its a big shop because im not going to pay £5 delivery when i live 5 mins away from the store. Tomorrow i know i will need to go to tesco because im running low on bread, milk, nappies and bananas (a necessity in this house) but i have no money until tomorrow so i cant do online because i have no money in my account. Id rather leave the 3 of them in the car and grab a trolly than wrestle them out their carseats and walk across the carpark with a 6 year old that doesnt always pay attention to traffic and whose hand i cant hold because i have 2 babies. And as a mum of twins you should know that getting 2 babies into a trolly isnt easy when you are having to do it 1 handed

nicknamenotinuse · 24/01/2012 13:21

Without a shadow of a doubt you did the right thing, you should be proud of yourself and that mother, and I use the word lightly, should be ashamed of herself. I feel so sorry for the child. Well done for stepping in.

MaMattoo · 24/01/2012 13:25

And this thread makes me feel like an obsessive parent. Send DH to refuel, air. We all shop together or he goes with the baby. I don't ever leave him in the car. Or home. Without someone being there.

Ywnbu OP. I would have done the same.

Looksgoodingravy · 24/01/2012 13:29

When ds went through a nightmare stage I used to do my 'big' shop online, I wouldn't dream of leaving him in the car, I only leave him when paying for petrol and even this is frowned upon (i'm lead to believe) by the police. So no I think you were well within your rights to do what you did especially as the child also seemed distressed.

Looksgoodingravy · 24/01/2012 13:29

MrsHeffley · 24/01/2012 13:29

Slutty as I said I had 3 under 18 months,dp was always at work,I was always alone and I managed.It's hard not saying it isn't but it isn't impossible.

Sluttybuttons · 24/01/2012 13:35

How did you manage because for me, the way i do it is the safest way i can think of

MrsHeffley · 24/01/2012 13:37

Just like to add what would help twin mums is if people didn't nab the double trolleys when they don't need them.Lost count of the times I had to trail around looking for a double one with 1 walking 15 month old,1 not and a newborn.People even nabbed them from under my nose.

MrsHeffley · 24/01/2012 13:39

Sling and strong hips.

Have to say I didn't always return the trolley after emptying it though.Sorry that is nigh on impossible if you don't get a P&T slot and are quite a bit away from the parking area.

wineandroses · 24/01/2012 13:42

I agree with MrsHeffley; I would never left a child alone in the car, even at the petrol station or for a quick run into newsagent. Anything could happen - what if another car crashed into yours? What if the child took off the handbrake?

This actually happened to us - DH was standing next to the car talking on his mobile, when the car started rolling backwards. He couldn't get the door open fast enough to stop it, and it went across the road into the neighbour's front garden. DD was still in the car and had released the handbrake, having watched us do it. She was badly frightened, so was DH.

Also, call me paranoid, but children do disappear, rarely, but they still do - imagine leaving your child for a couple of mins in the car and coming back to find it empty!

Sluttybuttons · 24/01/2012 13:42

There are only a few double trollys at our local store and they are always outside so if its raining they are soaking (i keep a towel in the car now to deal with that). Normally i can park in the P&T spaces which is right next to the trolly bays so im not really any further than if i was at the front of the car.

campergirls · 24/01/2012 14:07

I'll call you paranoid wineandroses. I'll take it back if you can come up with one properly evidenced example of a child going missing when left in a car for 'a couple of mins'.

lollilou · 24/01/2012 14:19

abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/local&id=8455813

Davsmum · 24/01/2012 14:26

I wouldn't leave my child in the car even to pop into a shop for a paper or milk or whatever,...Perhaps I am too cautious

SparkyTGD · 24/01/2012 14:30

YANBU, friend left her DS in car when she popped into shop once, car alarm went off and he was really scared (they can be v loud) not a huge deal but best avoided really.

Mumof1plustwins · 24/01/2012 14:52

As a mum of twins buttons I shop online to avoid unnecessary stress. I plan ahead and make sure I have enough food/nappies etc and if I run out I go to tesco next to dds school after I drop her off so I only have dts in pram.
Have you considered buying a sling (you can get them cheap 2nd hand) a sling is almost a must have even with twins!

wineandroses · 24/01/2012 14:53

I'll accept that I am paranoid campergirls. I have no proof that anyone's child has been snatched from a car, though I am sure that if you trawled the internet you'd come up with some such cases. But, the thing is, I'd never take the risk that it might happen. I don't need actual documented evidence of a risk before I consider it to be a risk - my small child's safety is not something I am willing to take a gamble on.

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