Child in car alone

[yummumto3girls]

Right, deep breath, never posted in AIBU so be constructive please!

I have just come back from doing my weekly supermarket shop. As I walked in to the supermarket I noticed a young child sat in a car seat in a car on his own. Not sure how old but certainly below 4. The child was crying. I walked in to the entrance of the supermarket and decided to look back to check if someone had returned to the car, but they hadn't, so I stood for a while longer. I was concerned about the child so in the end spoke to the customer service desk just in side and said I was concerned about the child in the car alone. The customer services lady walked over to the car, the child was still crying, another member of public expressed her concern. The customer services lady then put a call out over the tannoy for them to return to the car. A few minutes later a lady appeared and explained that she could not bring the child in as he "would be a nightmare" and she was doing her shopping as quickly as she could. I said that she shouldn't leave a child in the car alone for that long, to which she responded that she was going to sort her child out and was then going to continue doing her shopping. She annoyed me at this point because it seemed so normal just to leave him in the car, and that he was crying. I said that if she did return to do her shopping leaving her child in the car that I would call the police (probably a little over top of me I know).

Now don't get me wrong, I have 3 children and do leave them in the car when I nip in to a shop, but it is always where I can see the car and literally for a few minutes. Today we were at a main supermarket and she was doing her main shop, whilst small child is in the car. If she had returned looking really stressed I might have had some sympathy and thought she was struggling, but she was impeccably dressed and made up, and talked very calmly. I feel rubbish now for interfering, it is not something I normally do, so was I BU for interfering?

i NEVER leave DS2 in the car when i take/pick up DS1 from school.

YANBU, ds2 is a nightmare when i go shopping, throws things out of the trolley all the way round! I would never leave him in the car to go into tesco. Stupid woman
Well done for saying something, a lot of people would have just walked past

Jesus I've never ever left my 3 in the car bar in our drive when asleep with me reading a mag on the front step.

I had 3 under 18 months and managed never to do this. It's not ok for 5 minutes or for 45 minutes.

I think some people seriously don't know what difficult is. Taking a child out of a car whilst picking another up from school is not difficult believe me it's just laziness pure and simple.Sorry.

YANBU I think it's ok to pop in for something if they are asleep or with an older sibling but def not do your main shop! My dad used to leave me in the car or in the house for ten minutes on my own when I was about 6 but I was ok with that and he always checked that first. A younger child on their own would just get distressed.

I'd report a dog in a car if it was a warm day too.

I once left DS2 aged about 18 months fast asleep in his car seat while I went to the pay and display machine. There was quite a queue and by the time I got back to the car, which was in sight but I wasn't looking at it the whole time iyswim, someone had left a nasty note under the windscreen wiper blade. He was asleep, the car was locked and I was gone less than 5 min. Whoever it was must have done it immediately I walked away .

Agree with MrsHeffley. YAMDNBU. YABU (a tinsy bit!) not to have called the police though. I think I would have called the non-emergency no with her car reg. It is laziness and selfishness, especially as she did not seem to think it was a problem. It's not really about the low risk possibility that something bad will happen to the DC, it's about how frightened and upset they must be when they realise that mummy is not coming back (yet) and the fact the mother did not give a shit. Child abuse IMHO.

When I had twins, DD had just started school and I used to carry them in carseats (arms like an orangutan) or spend 5 mins putting them in the pram. I would NEVER leave them alone in the car. Same with shopping, even the corner shop. Yes, it's hard work carting DCs about. Suck it up.

YANBU to have said something. Shopping with toddlers is 'a nightmare' we've all been there.

A big concern though is that she will do it again. Did you get the car registration?

I had the same experience.

Parked in car myself, feeding DS2 whilst DH and DS1 went in to do the shop. Couple pulled up next to me, BOTH got out and left their two DC in the car (one about 5 playing on his console, the other about 2, fast asleep). The woman had 'waggled' her finger at the boy, obviously telling him to behave and gave him her mobile phone.

I kept an eye on them, angry and not sure what to do, but when the older boy started hitting his sister (she would wake screaming, then fall back asleep, I think she was in quite a deep sleep) every few minutes, I went into the store and asked them to put a call out over the tannoy. I was raging, with nerves (the couple didn't look the most, how should I put it, approachable!) and complete anger. You did better than me, I walked out as soon as I 'reported' them. I still can't believe people leave their kids in the car whilst they go in to a huge Tesco Extra store. I watched them (the kids) for about 15 minutes before I went into the store, upset that the little girl was getting hurt and I couldn't do anything about it.

You did the right thing, totally.

In my opinion YANBU. However, I think sometimes it's a matter of opinion on whats deemed appropriate or not in some cases.

I personally think if you're going to be a minute or 2, popping into a shop or paying for petrol and your child isn't distressed by it, it's fine.

Going into a supermarket obviously means the car isnt in sight and you'll be gone much longer than a minute or 2. I would never do the school run and leave DS - but I'd be gone about 10 minutes to do so and I personally think that's far too long and too far away from the car too, even though I'm sure he'd be perfectly fine with it.

But, in saying that, I leave DS in the car when I pay for petrol or nip into a shop for a paper or milk. However, not so long ago I came out of the shop and 2 ummm - not police but those other people who patrol the streets (????) were standing near my car. My heart skipped a beat thinking I was in trouble (even though I didn't think there was any prob with it) but they didn't say anything. I think they were clearly watching though as when I drove off I looked in my mirror and they were then walking away. Perhaps they were timing me?!!

sorry mrs hefflerly but I am not lazy, just thinking about the whole picture of pros and cons. Scenario 1: baby asleep, strapped into locked car for 5 mins with adults who know who she is and who she belongs to walking back and forth constantly. Gets an uninterrupted 40 min nap so she can enjoy the rest of her morning. Scenario 2: Baby is woken after 10-15 mins kip and manhandled into a sling for five mins then returned to car for another 15 min drive during which she MAY just fall asleep again by the time we arrive at destination. Cue grumpy and tired baby for the rest of the morning. Scenario 3: Random childsnatcher breaks into car / car catches fire / etc . think I might use my common sense on this one. Laziness? Do fuck off.. and thats the first time I've ever said that on here. Well done.

I never leave my children in the car even if they are asleep I carry them in my arms or transfer them to the buggy. I always worry about a car ploughing into the car whilst they were on their own in it. Seriously- I never leave them in the car. Even asleep on the drive, I carry them in. I just couldn't settle. How dreadful this mother wasn't concerned her toddler was crying in the car. I can't bear to think how scared they must have been.

You're out of sight and going into a pre-school where you could be held up.How are you walking up and down outside the car or with her in the car?

Seriously taking a baby out of a car is hard you just can't be serious.As somebody previously said suck it up it's part of the job.

Many manage never to do this even those of us with 2 or more babies.I certainly didn't find it beyond my capabilities to take 3 X sleeping babies out of my car when running short errands.

Cheese-tiny house,tiny drive.My front step was by the open car door.I could reach in and touch them from the step.

In this day and age I don't understand why those with fractious children don't do their shopping on line. Ds was really playing up this weekend and I couldn't face doing a supermarket shop with him in tow (and didn't have anyone to leave him with as his grandma had had enough of his dreadful behaviour too). I sat at the computer and did an on line shop instead. Meant we had to have a couple of weird meals until the order came but better that than deal with his behaviour in public!

I once had the same in John Lewis. Went past a car and there was a baby asleep. Went back to the shop and got security. We were stood by the car debating what to do when the mother came back. She thought that I was completely and utterly unreasonable to be making an issue about her behaviour.

I've never left ds in the car even though it can be a huge inconvenience to take him with me sometimes. Lots of horror stories that I could bore you with as told to me by our local traffic police all of which meant I could never ever leave ds in the car until he is a teenager!

On the same thread of leaving children alone in a car, a few years ago we parked next to a car that had two youngish children in, probably around 7/8, whilst parents were in a furniture shop. The kids were messing around and managed to knock the parking brake off so as we got out of our car their car started rolling forward. My husband told them to open the door, which was locked but understandably they were petrified, they did unlock the door in the end so my husband could reach in and pull the handbrake on again. It could have been really nasty, and a horrible experience for the children, both having a strange man banging on the window and the car slowly rolling forward.

Wow.
In the states....a friend o f a friend has just been fined 300 pounds for leaving her child in the car whilst she paid in the petrol station......she could see child from pay place and the police as they pulled up and issued the fine. Itvis illegal here and automatic fine.

I remember the nightmare in the supermarket stage. DD1 ran off once, stripped off and put her clothes into a freezer. That stage has to be gone endured, though. YWNBU. This is wrong and unsafe and Sidge is right, How is a child ever to learn how to behave and NOT be a nightmare if you don't take them in to the shop?

Yabu to think it's ever ok to leave your own child alone in the car and yanbu to report the child in the supermarket carpark.

Yes, they really frown on leaving a child alone in a car in the US. Children have died in cars in the summer heat there, or frozen to death in winter. Children receive safety warnings about playing in cars or climbing into the boot. No-one on the US would think twice about calling the police or alerting a security guard if they saw even a pet in a car alone. If either you, nipping in for a quick shop, or that woman doing her weekly shop had done what you did in the US you might both now be facing charges and your children would be packing their bags for foster care. And there are no babies and pregnant women parking spaces in the US either or if there are I never saw any of them..

Yes itbis good that it is treated seriously here really. It is putting your child at risk.

YANBU. Although I reckon the police should have been called anyway. Children can die from being left alone in cars. It doesn't even need to be that hot for it to happen (I realise it's winter in England but still, it's no excuse). What if something had happened to her while she was doing her shopping? I'm sure it's illegal.

I didn't say it was hard or beyond my capabilities and in general I do agree that toddlers and young children should never be left other than petrol paying type situations but I think that your tone was unnecessarily sanctimonious and every situation is different in regards to who is around etc. By adults walking past I meant the other parents from the very small village school who all know our car and therefore her and me. If the pre-school needed me to stay beyond the couple of minutes it takes to drop off I would tell them I couldn't and go and get DD. FWIW most of the parents in the village with babies and pre-schoolers do the same so we all know the set up.

If there isn't a queue I don't see a problem moving the car to outside the petrol pay kiosk thing and leaving dd while I pay, it is common sense. But never where I can't see her. Not just the car, but her.

Be warned people... it starts with just nipping into the co-op to get a pint of milk - although you can see them through the window in the queue.

Then, you get more and more laid back - and begin to take bigger risks.... 'he's just gone to sleep'... 'she's a nightmare in the shop'.... 'my back's killing me'... 'it's raining'.... 'i haven't got the buggy'.....And, you just take a few 'short cuts' here and there - just to make your life a bit easier. But, it's OK.. you know other Mum's who do it... and you're only going to be away for a few minutes... and other Mum's are walking past the car and will keep an eye out.

But, you just need one thing to happen... kid gets out of seat and undoes handbrake... or goes through your bag to find your paracetamol... or, to find the 'unlock' button and open the door to someone... or, for a car to hit your parked car... or, for a fault in the engine to cause a fire! Or, much, much more likely, somebody actually rings the police, gives them your registration number and you get accused of neglect. And, you're reputation is ruined, and you will be classed as a bad mother. And, you know... deep down... that they are right..... you shouldn't have left them. So, why do you do it?

And, it's happened to you, not your friend, or that lady in the playground or some poor person in the newspaper!

In all those situations... YOU weren't there..... and, you chose the easy route, at your children's expense.

I am no angel... I have done it... but, it makes me feel sick to my stomach -the 'easy routes' I've chosen, and thank my lucky stars, that nothing's ever happened. But, surely....my luck will run out sometime???

That's what it is... luck.

Why do we gamble with our children's safety?

"Why do we gamble with our children's safety?"

Vickles- I am as amazed as you at how many on MN not only think that this is ok, but encourage others to leave babies and young children in the house on their own.

YANBU, i only leave my DS in the car, when paying for petrol, or literally nipping into the local village shop with the car in full view outside,i think the longest he has been in there, is about 5mins!!