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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sat here seething about 'D' fucking P?

151 replies

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 05:34

We were both invited to a birthday gathering at his friends last night. I said for him to go, I didn't want to faff about with a babysitter for DS so stayed home. It wasn't a late one, they were intending on getting taxis out of town to go to a nightclub, DP said he wasn't going, we can't afford it anyway.

He told me it was possible a few of his mates would be going to the local pub, he said he would phone me if he was or to otherwise expect him at 10.30ish.

He phones me around this time to say he was heading home soon but whilst he was on the phone, his friend said he and his girlfriend were going to the local and invited DP to join. I said I didn't mind, he told me it would only be the one as he didn't want to take money out of the cashpoint. I said fine, went to bed half hour later.

My phone rings at 00.45, I ignore and see it's DP. Can't be bothered to answer so leave it. He then phones the landline twice, knowing he shouldn't do as it often wakes DS so I realise he must be a bit drunk and I didn't want a conversation with DP whilst he was.

Cue 3.30am. I hear this ruckus going on dowstairs, sounds like DP had brought people back. At this moment I'm a bit Hmm and listen out for him. There was no talking but heard DP practically bounce off the walls going up the stairs then a loud thud outside the bedroom. Moments later, I hear light snoring.

Deciding to brave it, I got out of bed and opened the door. There on the landing is DP passed out. I then notice blood all over the carpet and discover he has cut up his hands. I lift his head to see a large lump next to eye coupled with a nice graze. At this point I'm irritates that he woke me up and that he has evidently gotten so drunk, he's fallen over. I realise there is a draft, look dowstairs to see the front door wide open. And a lovely blood and mud trail up the cream carpet stairs. Well now I'm officially livid. Then to top it off my talking to DP through gritted teeth (he's still passed out so I'm more talking to myself) I wake DS. So I go in and settle him. Faced with DP again, I manage to drag him into the bedroom and leave him by the bed. I then get back into bed and after silently raging for half hour finally fall asleep.

About 20 minutes ago, I heard DP stirring. I looked over to find him trying to stand up. He falls into the computer desk, then my dressing table and against the wall. I try to help him, thinking he wanted to get into bed so pull him forward onto it. He just climbed back off and, after much effort, left the bedroom. I peer round to see he has walked into the living room (we're in an upstairs flat) and think he is going to sleep on the sofa so leave him to it. 2 seconds later, I can hear he has finally taken his coat off but then hear the sound of him taking a piss.

I ran into the living room to see him pissing all over his laptop on the coffee table which is now running down and onto a few toys of DS's. I push him to attract his attention but he just turns and carries on pissing all over the rug. So after a few choice swear words from me I lilerally drag him to bed and shove him in. Now he is fast asleep, I've had to clear up a full grown adults piss and now I'm too angry to sleep.

He's going to be too hungover to get any sense out of so would I be unreasonable to piss off with DS tomorrow and stay at my mums with him tomorrow night? I'm beyond angry with that fucking fuckwit to even want to see his face tomorrow.

It's not the first time, it's practically every time he goes out he gets past the point of rationality. This is the worst but not the first time he has come home covered in blood. I'm fed up with it. Cleaning the bedsheets is one thing but to get blood and mud all over our lovely cream carpet... Why? Why the fuck does he need to get in such a state?

Sorry, huge rant but needed to get it out.

OP posts:
Byeckerslike · 22/01/2012 05:39

Oh my god Shock

Let him do the cleaning up and yes, do go out somewhere fun, will be better than looking at his miserable hungover face all day.

Hope the day improves op :)

dukeofpork · 22/01/2012 05:40

What a tosser. Poor you. Yes, go and stay with your mum - or send him away for a few nights. And if he can't promise to control his drinking then you should seriously think about telling him to walk. So sorry for you. Make sure he cleans up, not you!

ohbugrit · 22/01/2012 05:50

Oh you poor thing. This is not on at all. Confusing and upsetting for children, never mind how awful it us for you.

Go to your mum's for sure. A condition of you coming back should be his agreement that this never happens again. He cannot be trusted to know when to stop so he must promise not to start.

My mum tolerated similar crap from my dad for years. She's now the bitterest woman I know, and my childhood is full of the memories of that dreadful atmosphere and the uncertainty when someone is out and nobody knows when or how they will get home. Make a stand now , please.

AThingInYourLife · 22/01/2012 05:54

He has a drink problem if he gets that messed up every time he drinks.

Have you spoken about it?

ohbugrit · 22/01/2012 06:08

I would be tempted to photograph incidents like this so he can be shown exactly what his partner has to deal with.

Morloth · 22/01/2012 06:09

In the very unlikely event my DH acted like this I would leave a note saying:

'You disgust me, clean this fucking mess up and I might actually consider coming home'.

How can you live with someone who acts like that? It is pathetic (him not you) I can't imagine having even a tiny bit of respect for him.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 06:14

I think he might be concussed, he just got up and managed to go toilet in the correct room. That lump on his head is massive. I had to just guide him back to bed. And he has cut up the palm of his hands, just found him rubbing them together in the bathroom so I guess they must be sore. He is still too out of it to understand what is going on but he is going to be devasted he pissed on his laptop. That MacBook meant alot to him. That's probably punishment enough, I don't think computers survive urine damage.

Oh, I will be having words. I've written a note I intend on leaving him when I go out. There's no chance he will have woken by then.

Yes it needs addressing. He has been on the missing list before, not known where he was at midday the day after a night out. I needed to go out and help my brother pick an engagement ring for his fiancée and when he finally arrived home, he was in no state to be left with a baby so took DS with me.

He can't get in such a state that he's unable to do anything the next day. We have an equal social life but when I go out, I don't go crazy, I may have a wine headache the next day but I'm fully functioning. Whereas he never seems able to do that.

If I leave him overnight and take DS hopefully it should make him realise he can't keep doing this. One more time and I'll be gone. I'm tempted to say that now if I'm honest.

OP posts:
ThompsonTwins · 22/01/2012 06:15

You are married to a teenager! Hope you have another PC that you can use. Would dearly love to see the insurance claim form for the one he has p*ssed on! Yes, go away for a couple of nights, let him stew/look after himself etc. Tell him you want the house perfect (inc the carpet) when you get back and that if he isn't capable of doing that then he should pay for a professional clean (no more alcohol until it's paid for). The idea of the photos is great. Heaven forbid that he should do anything like that again, but if he does, film it and show him.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 06:22

Morloth, he isn't like this normally. When I say we have an equal social life, we go out once a month. But over the last 6 months, he has successfully gotten home, into bed at a decent time (1am) and been ok the next day once or twice. The other times...I dunno what gets into him. He can't take his alcohol anymore, 3 pints or 2 glasses of wine and he is tipsy.

I think he tries to keep up with his friends and the result is complete annihilation. Which pisses me off. But this is one step too far. My first thought when I saw blood was that he had been fighting. But luckily, the cuts weren't on the knuckles, just the palm. But then I got angrier at that.

OP posts:
mockingjay · 22/01/2012 06:25

is he actually ok MadWoman? Inexcusable behaviour, but does he need some kind of medical attention for his head and hands? Maybe the doctor could start to help with the alcohol problem too if he sees how bad it is.

MissTapestry · 22/01/2012 06:28

Shock wow. Just wow. Can you video it all rather than photos? It might sink in more if he could see it 'live' iykwim. Poor you OP, YADNBU. I think I'd just leave, no note, go to your mums and tell her not to answer when he calls. See how he feels when you go missing. What a wank stain Sad

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 06:31

He probably will need medical attention but we have a MIU just up the road so he can walk up there tomorrrow. Thing is, he broke his hand last summer whilst drunk, has had to have ops on it and it's still not completely better.

You would have thought he learnt his lesson then but no... I'm hoping me leaving for a night will make him see sense.

I did have a moments sympathy for him when I saw him in the bathroom, but only momentarily. He can sort himself out.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 22/01/2012 06:36

A&E? Sounds in a bad way. It's just possible that the head injury came first and the subsequent behaviour is concussion rather than alcohol.

Bubblevista · 22/01/2012 06:37

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mockingjay · 22/01/2012 06:47

That's a fair point Bubblevista. If I was out, called my DP and he ignored all calls because he thought I was drunk... well, I'd be seriously annoyed (even if I was drunk).

iscream · 22/01/2012 06:47

Yanbu. Revolting behavior. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

ENormaSnob · 22/01/2012 06:53

Yanbu

Disgusting.

Nice that there is now piss all over your baby's toys. I would kill him.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 06:58

It simply looks like he fell over, banged his head and landed on his hands.

I guess I had better wait until he wakes. Not that I want to.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 07:00

Why on earth are you the one doing the cleaning? At 4 o'clock in the morning no less...

It is not your job to sort out the mess in any way whatsoever, and what he did was entirely his own responsibility, but you said 'fine' when he said his mates were inviting him to join them -- what outcome did you expect from this night out, given his history? I know it is not your role to play mother or policeman here, but if you had said 'No, come home and call it a night' when he talked with you earlier, what would he have done? Do you think he would have fought with you or called you a wet blanket or would he have come home?

Be that as it may -- I would have him looked at to rule out a concussion. You would not be unreasonable to take yourself and your DS to your mum's though.

When he is sober I would be very inclined to kick him out, after he has taken care of the cleaning and replaced the carpet.

I think a man who continues to drink himself to the point of falling over and further injury after requiring an operation as a result of previous drinking has a serious problem.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 07:02

Norma I've cleaned that up. not his laptop though, that's his to deal with. But DS is now up so I've had to clean the rug and his toys. I can't have him crawling around in DP's piss. Grrr, i'm still mad Angry

OP posts:
ladyintheradiator · 22/01/2012 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chubfuddler · 22/01/2012 07:03

This is not an excuse for his vile behaviour, but is there something wrong? Getting that smashed on a regular basis is not at all normal. Blood, urine, probably concussion - is his wallet there? Has he been in a fight ?

AngryAngry for you. I think the only way I could stick around would be if he sought medical help for his alcohol problem (awaits someone to claim he doesn't have an alcohol problem).

EirikurNoromaour · 22/01/2012 07:05

You poor thing :(
My DH used to behave like that. It was vile. He stopped it although via a circuitous and not very positive route (involving staying over at friends' houses after a session so I didn't see it, but of course I didn't see him either. V bad times)

I would disappear for as long as you can. And make him see you mean business.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 07:08

I didn't mind him going pub with his friend and friends GF. They're a nice, sensible couple, they would never get in such a state which was why I didn't mind him going pub. And also because we don't have much money, he specifically said he was only going for the one as he didn't want to draw money out at the cashpoint but had enough cash for a pint or 2.

He must have seen other people he knew and proceeded to drink heavily with them. In hindsight his phoning was probably "Ive bumped into blah blah, just having a couple with them." I should have answered but sometimes he phones for a general chat and I couldn't be bothered with that at nearly 1am.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 22/01/2012 07:09

I would say that he has a serious drink problem and needs to get help.

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