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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sat here seething about 'D' fucking P?

151 replies

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 05:34

We were both invited to a birthday gathering at his friends last night. I said for him to go, I didn't want to faff about with a babysitter for DS so stayed home. It wasn't a late one, they were intending on getting taxis out of town to go to a nightclub, DP said he wasn't going, we can't afford it anyway.

He told me it was possible a few of his mates would be going to the local pub, he said he would phone me if he was or to otherwise expect him at 10.30ish.

He phones me around this time to say he was heading home soon but whilst he was on the phone, his friend said he and his girlfriend were going to the local and invited DP to join. I said I didn't mind, he told me it would only be the one as he didn't want to take money out of the cashpoint. I said fine, went to bed half hour later.

My phone rings at 00.45, I ignore and see it's DP. Can't be bothered to answer so leave it. He then phones the landline twice, knowing he shouldn't do as it often wakes DS so I realise he must be a bit drunk and I didn't want a conversation with DP whilst he was.

Cue 3.30am. I hear this ruckus going on dowstairs, sounds like DP had brought people back. At this moment I'm a bit Hmm and listen out for him. There was no talking but heard DP practically bounce off the walls going up the stairs then a loud thud outside the bedroom. Moments later, I hear light snoring.

Deciding to brave it, I got out of bed and opened the door. There on the landing is DP passed out. I then notice blood all over the carpet and discover he has cut up his hands. I lift his head to see a large lump next to eye coupled with a nice graze. At this point I'm irritates that he woke me up and that he has evidently gotten so drunk, he's fallen over. I realise there is a draft, look dowstairs to see the front door wide open. And a lovely blood and mud trail up the cream carpet stairs. Well now I'm officially livid. Then to top it off my talking to DP through gritted teeth (he's still passed out so I'm more talking to myself) I wake DS. So I go in and settle him. Faced with DP again, I manage to drag him into the bedroom and leave him by the bed. I then get back into bed and after silently raging for half hour finally fall asleep.

About 20 minutes ago, I heard DP stirring. I looked over to find him trying to stand up. He falls into the computer desk, then my dressing table and against the wall. I try to help him, thinking he wanted to get into bed so pull him forward onto it. He just climbed back off and, after much effort, left the bedroom. I peer round to see he has walked into the living room (we're in an upstairs flat) and think he is going to sleep on the sofa so leave him to it. 2 seconds later, I can hear he has finally taken his coat off but then hear the sound of him taking a piss.

I ran into the living room to see him pissing all over his laptop on the coffee table which is now running down and onto a few toys of DS's. I push him to attract his attention but he just turns and carries on pissing all over the rug. So after a few choice swear words from me I lilerally drag him to bed and shove him in. Now he is fast asleep, I've had to clear up a full grown adults piss and now I'm too angry to sleep.

He's going to be too hungover to get any sense out of so would I be unreasonable to piss off with DS tomorrow and stay at my mums with him tomorrow night? I'm beyond angry with that fucking fuckwit to even want to see his face tomorrow.

It's not the first time, it's practically every time he goes out he gets past the point of rationality. This is the worst but not the first time he has come home covered in blood. I'm fed up with it. Cleaning the bedsheets is one thing but to get blood and mud all over our lovely cream carpet... Why? Why the fuck does he need to get in such a state?

Sorry, huge rant but needed to get it out.

OP posts:
MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 08:56

I didn't mind because the friend he was going down with, and his girlfriend, are pretty sensible. He doesn't get to see him very often because he commutes to London alot so when he said he was going for one drink with them, I wasn't worried.

He often phones me for a chat when he is out, mainly asking what I've done all evening and to talk about what he has done so far but because he is normally drunk and talks alot so when the phone rang I just thought he was doing that and I simply wanted to sleep rather than listen to him telling me how nice it was to see x, y and z and what they had spoken about.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 22/01/2012 09:02

I'm probably in the minority but there seems to be a lot of assumption that he fell over. I'd be more concerned with getting his injuries seen to and establishing what actually happened. No way would I leave a, more than likely concussed individual alone in a house with his injuries. I'd get him seen to, find out what happen (could have been attacked, run over?) and THEN if it was justified, I'd let rip. But not before.

LisasCat · 22/01/2012 09:02

I don't know why people keep picking you up on the fact you didn't answer the phone. My DP always calls me at stupid o'clock when he's drunk, normally because seeing his single mates on the pull in some awful nightclub inspires him to call me and say how much he loves me and the girls. If I'm still up and talking wouldn't disturb the DCs I answer. Otherwise I let him declare his undying devotion to my answerphone.

The fact that you did not answer your phone is really not the problem here.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 09:05

We were both regularly go out kind of people before we had DS but when I got pregnant we focused our finances to find somewhere to live (we lived with friends when I found out I was pg) and so he didn't go out much at all when I was pregnant. He even stayed in New Years (this year and last) because I couldn't go out.

I don't know why he gets like this. But since having DS he can't hold his alcohol like he used to. After DS was born he said he didn't enjoy getting drunk and if he went to see friends was often home by 11pm. But the last few months has been different.

I know I should have answered the phone but, quite frankly, I didn't want to converse with a drunk person whilst half asleep.

OP posts:
belgo · 22/01/2012 09:06

Shakey1500 I agree with that> If my dh had come home injured and drunk, I would have called a doctor.

If he came home simply drunk, I would put him in the recovery position in the bathroom. I wouldn't have got him into bed.

empirestateofmind · 22/01/2012 09:07

YANBU as others have said young men normally grow out of this, either by not drinking so much or by handing their drink better.

Leave the laptop and carpet so he can see how much damage he has caused.

This behaviour has got to stop so you need to sit him down and come up with a plan. Perhaps he should only take a certain amount of money with him in future (and no cards) or he should say exactly when he'll be home and stick to it.

If he can't stop doing this then he has serious problems and should be seeking help.

empirestateofmind · 22/01/2012 09:10

But the last few months has been different

Have you any idea what might have happened to make his behaviour change?

MorrisZapp · 22/01/2012 09:11

I'm not sure that taking your kids and yourself off for a night or two is 'punishment'. Is that not just giving him a relaxing holiday?

If my DP took DS off overnight I'd be delighted, not upset.

diddl · 22/01/2012 09:20

I´d have left him on the landing where he passed out.

I must be a heartless bitch but I wouldn´t care a toss about his self inflicted injuries either.

It´s not a thing I could get past tbh.

The first time would have been the last.

OriginalJamie · 22/01/2012 09:21

I also agree with Shakey, despite totally understanding your rage, op

NorksAreMessy · 22/01/2012 09:22

Another one here concerned about concussion. I know you want to disappear off and leave him in his own filth, but I would be worrying about him.
Any way you can fling him at A&E on the way to our Mum's to get him checked out?

AfternoonsAndCoffeespoons · 22/01/2012 09:23

I'm with Shakey, too. Whilst it does seem most likely that these are self-inflicted injuries and the behaviour is just because he's drunk, it might not be - the symptoms of concussion are very similar to that of being drunk.

OriginalJamie · 22/01/2012 09:23

Or is there anyone you can entrust with checking on him?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2012 09:24

How do you know he wasn't hit on the head by someone?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2012 09:26

If he has an enormous lump on his head he could have a fractured skull..and yes he could be slurring because he is concussed, he does need checked out.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2012 09:28

You don't tend to shred your hands if you just fall down either so he could well have been run over

JoantheFennel · 22/01/2012 09:29

I would try and wake him and if you can't he might be concussed.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2012 09:31

If you can't even bear to get him checked out and are really more concerned about the carpet (although I understand why you are annoyed at his regular drunkenness) then i am very worried for your relationship :(

fedupofnamechanging · 22/01/2012 09:35

I'd leave him a letter outlining exactly what happened last night - all the details that you've put into this post. If it was me reading that, I'd be absolutely mortified.

If he can't have a drink without getting into a state and causing hassle for you, then he shouldn't be going out and drinking. if he was mine, I'd tell him he has a choice - he either has a drink or he has a relationship. He wouldn't be getting both.

If you are not ready to do that, then you could tell him that if he drinks alcohol, he is not welcome in the house until the following day, when he is clean and sober. Lets see how long his friends and their partners tolerate him pissing on their kid's toys.

I don't think you can claim off the insurance for drunkenly pissing on a computer, and I wouldn't let him spend family money on replacing it. Perhaps the money he would normally spend on going out could be put aside.

I couldn't live like this - who wants to spend forever with a man who behaves like a teenager.

lisad123 · 22/01/2012 09:41

I am quite worried it could be more than drink, if he has a large bump on his head.

Other than that, his an idiot and needs to clean up all his done. I would be really evil and not leave. Turn on lights, make noise and don't tiptoe around him.

Heswall · 22/01/2012 09:43

A letter to your live in lover ?

Tell thre insurance the child knocked a vase over and claim.

Have none of the mummies ever come home drunk ? I probably know the answer to that

jalopy · 22/01/2012 09:45

Why didn't you answer the phone at 00.45? Perhaps that might have altered the chain of events.

Pagwatch · 22/01/2012 09:46

Mummies ? Really?

The op isn't concerned/angered about a one off. She is exasperated by a pattern of behaviour.

Is that a tricky concept for you?

HoneyandHaycorns · 22/01/2012 09:46

Am Shock that a grown man would behave like this. And Shock that you are more concerned about the carpet than about his head injuries. Sounds like you are completely at the end of your tether, OP, and I don't blame you - I couldn't live with someone who got himself into such a state.

But put your (justified) anger to side for now, and get him to A&E. When you have ascertained that he is ok, then you can go to your mum's and leave him to cry over his laptop.

Heswall · 22/01/2012 09:47

It's not a pattern, it's a bloke trying to have a life as well as a family, he obviously is going mental when he's off the leash. Why is that ?

Is that a tricky concept for you ?

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