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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sat here seething about 'D' fucking P?

151 replies

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 05:34

We were both invited to a birthday gathering at his friends last night. I said for him to go, I didn't want to faff about with a babysitter for DS so stayed home. It wasn't a late one, they were intending on getting taxis out of town to go to a nightclub, DP said he wasn't going, we can't afford it anyway.

He told me it was possible a few of his mates would be going to the local pub, he said he would phone me if he was or to otherwise expect him at 10.30ish.

He phones me around this time to say he was heading home soon but whilst he was on the phone, his friend said he and his girlfriend were going to the local and invited DP to join. I said I didn't mind, he told me it would only be the one as he didn't want to take money out of the cashpoint. I said fine, went to bed half hour later.

My phone rings at 00.45, I ignore and see it's DP. Can't be bothered to answer so leave it. He then phones the landline twice, knowing he shouldn't do as it often wakes DS so I realise he must be a bit drunk and I didn't want a conversation with DP whilst he was.

Cue 3.30am. I hear this ruckus going on dowstairs, sounds like DP had brought people back. At this moment I'm a bit Hmm and listen out for him. There was no talking but heard DP practically bounce off the walls going up the stairs then a loud thud outside the bedroom. Moments later, I hear light snoring.

Deciding to brave it, I got out of bed and opened the door. There on the landing is DP passed out. I then notice blood all over the carpet and discover he has cut up his hands. I lift his head to see a large lump next to eye coupled with a nice graze. At this point I'm irritates that he woke me up and that he has evidently gotten so drunk, he's fallen over. I realise there is a draft, look dowstairs to see the front door wide open. And a lovely blood and mud trail up the cream carpet stairs. Well now I'm officially livid. Then to top it off my talking to DP through gritted teeth (he's still passed out so I'm more talking to myself) I wake DS. So I go in and settle him. Faced with DP again, I manage to drag him into the bedroom and leave him by the bed. I then get back into bed and after silently raging for half hour finally fall asleep.

About 20 minutes ago, I heard DP stirring. I looked over to find him trying to stand up. He falls into the computer desk, then my dressing table and against the wall. I try to help him, thinking he wanted to get into bed so pull him forward onto it. He just climbed back off and, after much effort, left the bedroom. I peer round to see he has walked into the living room (we're in an upstairs flat) and think he is going to sleep on the sofa so leave him to it. 2 seconds later, I can hear he has finally taken his coat off but then hear the sound of him taking a piss.

I ran into the living room to see him pissing all over his laptop on the coffee table which is now running down and onto a few toys of DS's. I push him to attract his attention but he just turns and carries on pissing all over the rug. So after a few choice swear words from me I lilerally drag him to bed and shove him in. Now he is fast asleep, I've had to clear up a full grown adults piss and now I'm too angry to sleep.

He's going to be too hungover to get any sense out of so would I be unreasonable to piss off with DS tomorrow and stay at my mums with him tomorrow night? I'm beyond angry with that fucking fuckwit to even want to see his face tomorrow.

It's not the first time, it's practically every time he goes out he gets past the point of rationality. This is the worst but not the first time he has come home covered in blood. I'm fed up with it. Cleaning the bedsheets is one thing but to get blood and mud all over our lovely cream carpet... Why? Why the fuck does he need to get in such a state?

Sorry, huge rant but needed to get it out.

OP posts:
justonemorethread · 22/01/2012 07:15

Drop him off at AE and go to your mums?
Def video him next time.
Anyway you can pack him off to his mums? Why should you be put out. I'd tell him not to bother coming home next time.
Ridiculous that you think you should have to put up with this behaviour.
Can't believe you're even wondering if you are being unreasonable!
YANBU!!!!!

mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 07:21

ah fair enough.
I just wondered if he was seeking some sort of permission - sometimes a drinker will abnegate responsibility that way.

I second the advice to clear off to your mum's and to insist that he gets the carpet replaced (there is no way it can be clean as new after that sort of treatment). I would also be tempted to fit a bolt to the door so that if he isn't home by a certain time you bolt it and he would be left to fend for himself. But ultimately that is no way to live with a H who is supposedly a DH. Best approach is for him to accept he should not drink like that again.

However, he seems to be not a man of his word (since he may have started off drinking with one group of friends that he told you about but ended up with another party altogether) so I would doubt how much of his remorse or plans to reform I could believe, especially if those plans came about as a result of pressure from you.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 07:23

Want to send you a (((hug))) too. You must be feeling wretched.

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 22/01/2012 07:29

Oh no that's horrible. His face will be a picture when you tell him about his laptop.

I would go as well but are you certain he's not hurt his head too much to be left alone?

EirikurNoromaour · 22/01/2012 07:32

I think it's brilliant that he pissed on his laptop, in a karmic retribution kind of way!

lottiegb · 22/01/2012 07:36

I'd be concerned about concussion but once that's been checked, leave him alone with clear instructions to have everything cleaned up and good as new (and replacements ordered if necessary) before you come back tomorrow.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 07:36

Thanks math I'm now feeling very tired after the initial rage but I've got a 10 month old baby to entertain so no chance of sleep. Plus, I just checked on DP, wallet and and phone still intact but the right side of his face is a mess. Only just noticed he has grazed the whole side of his face, jaw included. My bet is he fell against a wall and slid down it. His clothes and coat have no marks, not sure how he managed that.

Think I'll try wake him in a bit and clean his hand up. Not the way I intended on spending my Sunday.

I'll feel bad making him impose on his mum. She has a partner who has 2 young girls (9 & 11) stay every weekend so she is normally busy.

I'll head over to my mums after I've woken him.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/01/2012 07:36

Have you gone out op? Spoken to him any more?

StealthPolarBear · 22/01/2012 07:37

Sorry x post

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 07:38

Eirikur I did feel a moments triumph after I shoved him back in bed at the thought of his devastation over him damaging his beloved laptop!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 07:51

Really, don't wake him or play nurse. Set an alarm clock for noon-1 o'clockish. Leave a note that he can read to the effect that you have gone to your mum's.

He is a grown up and should be left to take care of himself. Make yourself a nice cuppa and take care of the real baby. Pack a few things and go.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 07:52

How is he going to learn that his actions have consequences if someone else takes care of the consequences for him?

EirikurNoromaour · 22/01/2012 07:58

Don't clean him up! Honestly. That is enabling. Just go out and don't come back until he isn't hungover. Trying to confront him while he is hungover is pointless and will end in tears.

ComposHat · 22/01/2012 08:20

Oh christ YANBU! Spend the day at your mum's seems very wise indeed.

Whilst his behaviour is out of order, an equally plausible scenario was that OP's partner bangs/cuts head whilst drunk at 00:45am, tries to call partner, gets no response (not that I blame her!) and staggers home concussed and dizzy, which may well of his Trevi fountain impression rather than being wrecked.

Hopefully this will be a salutatory lesson for him and makes him realise he has a problem. When you say he gets mortal every time he goes out, is it a case that he goes out a lot or that he goes out very seldom? I only ask because a friend of mine who had a young child, had so little chance to go out that on the rare occasions he went out, he'd belt pints down his neck like they were going out of fashion.

Do you get a chance to go out much as a couple or undertake social activities that don't involve alcohol?

Rosa · 22/01/2012 08:25

His behavior is disgusting I hope that he is very ashamed of himself . If it was me I am sorry but I would not be able to forgive the complete and utter lack of respect for you, the house and your ds. And if he tries to blame it on the alcohol he should not have been so stupid to drink so much in the first place.

thebabywife · 22/01/2012 08:26

To be honest, if he is going to get in that kind of mess when he goes out, I wouldn't let him come home. He can go stay with a friend and piss all over their houses - they won't tolerate it like you do. He obviously can't stop himself once he gets started - so he either has the option to not start at all, or stay away from you when he does.

It's bloody disgusting - and very concerning that he is getting in to fights as well

belgo · 22/01/2012 08:27

I'd get him checked by a doctor. It could be concussion.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 22/01/2012 08:30

Wake and take him to A and E. Sounds like he might be concussed which is dangerous. You could always leave him there.

Proudnscary · 22/01/2012 08:30

I must say I would have been more worried then angry (the anger would have come on like a Tsunami the next day!) about his injuries and I would have got him to a hospital.

Not judging you, totally get your despair and fury, that's just what I would have done.

I agree with all the others who say go to your mums and leave all the shit for him to face.

Be honest how often does this or something similar happen?

My dh is a pisshead - the difference being he's never had an episode like this resulting in carnage and can handle his booze. The worst he's done is pissed in my wardrobe about 10 years ago!

ComposHat · 22/01/2012 08:32

It's bloody disgusting - and very concerning that he is getting in to fights as well

Where have you got that from? The injuries weren't from fighting, but a fall.

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 08:36

I've tried rousing him to no avail. Think I'll leave him be. I got relatively normal hungover responses, didn't seem to be too confused.

No, we don't go out together. We were meant to on Xmas Eve but DS was teething so didn't want to leave him. We went out for the first time since DS was born on Boxing Day eve with my brother and his fiancée. We were out until quite late but he didn't get blindingly drunk then. It's when he is with his friends.

I'll phone my mum in a minute. Thing is, she thinks the world of DP and will probably be quite upset about this.

having a proper look at the carpet, it looks like it may need replacing. Fucking eejit.

OP posts:
hormonalmum · 22/01/2012 08:39

I would be furious too op.
If there is anything left to clean up (ieyou havent already done it) I would wake him up and get him to do it.

Proudnscary · 22/01/2012 08:46

Out of interest why were you so laid back about him going out in the first place if he always ends up like this...even when he called to say he was going on drinking after pub hours? Then when he called you at 1.45 you didn't even pick up phone?
I would have been on tenter hooks the whole night or have planned not to be in or have asked him (firmly) to come home when he rang at 10.30.
And you were not worried at all that he has nasty injuries (though understandably furious).
Your responses are slightly baffling - is it because you have had enough and just don't care anymore?

ComposHat · 22/01/2012 08:46

OP - sorry to hear about the carpet, maybe a rug doctor machine might salvage it?

Was his drinking problematic before your son was born? I was wondering if this was a (wholly inappropriate) response to the pressures of parenthood? Not that it is an excuse, but might help both of you get a handle of why he is acting like this.

Is there anyway that you could get a babysitter so that you could go to the cinema/museum/ten pen bowling/anything where the main focus isn't booze? I know you said finances are tight but it would cost less than the booze he's sinking like it is going out of fashion?

troisgarcons · 22/01/2012 08:52

Umm. well. Not a lot anyone can say to that tale of woe.

My friends husband used toget that pissed he would urinate in wardrobes and on one occassion the hi-fi. Mind you they married very young and he he grew out of it by mid 20's.

Get the carpet professionally cleaned. It won't irretrievable.

I'm a cow, I wouldnt be leaqving him in bed to sleep it off either - i'd be haulling him out to clean up his mess.