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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sat here seething about 'D' fucking P?

151 replies

MadWomanAboutTheHouse · 22/01/2012 05:34

We were both invited to a birthday gathering at his friends last night. I said for him to go, I didn't want to faff about with a babysitter for DS so stayed home. It wasn't a late one, they were intending on getting taxis out of town to go to a nightclub, DP said he wasn't going, we can't afford it anyway.

He told me it was possible a few of his mates would be going to the local pub, he said he would phone me if he was or to otherwise expect him at 10.30ish.

He phones me around this time to say he was heading home soon but whilst he was on the phone, his friend said he and his girlfriend were going to the local and invited DP to join. I said I didn't mind, he told me it would only be the one as he didn't want to take money out of the cashpoint. I said fine, went to bed half hour later.

My phone rings at 00.45, I ignore and see it's DP. Can't be bothered to answer so leave it. He then phones the landline twice, knowing he shouldn't do as it often wakes DS so I realise he must be a bit drunk and I didn't want a conversation with DP whilst he was.

Cue 3.30am. I hear this ruckus going on dowstairs, sounds like DP had brought people back. At this moment I'm a bit Hmm and listen out for him. There was no talking but heard DP practically bounce off the walls going up the stairs then a loud thud outside the bedroom. Moments later, I hear light snoring.

Deciding to brave it, I got out of bed and opened the door. There on the landing is DP passed out. I then notice blood all over the carpet and discover he has cut up his hands. I lift his head to see a large lump next to eye coupled with a nice graze. At this point I'm irritates that he woke me up and that he has evidently gotten so drunk, he's fallen over. I realise there is a draft, look dowstairs to see the front door wide open. And a lovely blood and mud trail up the cream carpet stairs. Well now I'm officially livid. Then to top it off my talking to DP through gritted teeth (he's still passed out so I'm more talking to myself) I wake DS. So I go in and settle him. Faced with DP again, I manage to drag him into the bedroom and leave him by the bed. I then get back into bed and after silently raging for half hour finally fall asleep.

About 20 minutes ago, I heard DP stirring. I looked over to find him trying to stand up. He falls into the computer desk, then my dressing table and against the wall. I try to help him, thinking he wanted to get into bed so pull him forward onto it. He just climbed back off and, after much effort, left the bedroom. I peer round to see he has walked into the living room (we're in an upstairs flat) and think he is going to sleep on the sofa so leave him to it. 2 seconds later, I can hear he has finally taken his coat off but then hear the sound of him taking a piss.

I ran into the living room to see him pissing all over his laptop on the coffee table which is now running down and onto a few toys of DS's. I push him to attract his attention but he just turns and carries on pissing all over the rug. So after a few choice swear words from me I lilerally drag him to bed and shove him in. Now he is fast asleep, I've had to clear up a full grown adults piss and now I'm too angry to sleep.

He's going to be too hungover to get any sense out of so would I be unreasonable to piss off with DS tomorrow and stay at my mums with him tomorrow night? I'm beyond angry with that fucking fuckwit to even want to see his face tomorrow.

It's not the first time, it's practically every time he goes out he gets past the point of rationality. This is the worst but not the first time he has come home covered in blood. I'm fed up with it. Cleaning the bedsheets is one thing but to get blood and mud all over our lovely cream carpet... Why? Why the fuck does he need to get in such a state?

Sorry, huge rant but needed to get it out.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 22/01/2012 09:47

I would wake him up. If he remains incoherent or can't be woken I would get medical help.

ToothbrushThief · 22/01/2012 09:49

I am a bit fed up with the inference that you are a bad DP for not answering the phone, taking him to A&E etc.

I would wake him up and tell him to get himself to A&E and if he can't I'd ring his 'mates' and tell them to get him there. If you can't rouse him call NHS direct.

Aside of that, it's the silly fool's fault and I'd tell him to find somewhere else to sleep the night.

I'd also tell him in future he's not welcome home drunk and he needs to find someone else prepeared to take him in after a night out

Pagwatch · 22/01/2012 09:49

Getting absoloutely shit faced as a mechanism for 'having a life' is a pretty sad notion.

TuesdayNightClub · 22/01/2012 09:50

Bloody hell, I'm quite worried about your DH, even if not many others are. Is he conscious this morning?

Signs of Concussion

If my DH phoned me repeatedly in the middle of the night from a night out I would NEVER ignore it. If he then came home in and was covered in blood, had a massive bump on his head and seemed barely conscious I would be worried sick about him and would have taken him to hospital.

ArseWormsWithoutSatNav · 22/01/2012 09:50

Her DP sounds really irresponsible so I doubt that if he'd called he would've told the truth, or even listened to OP if she had asked him to come home. It wouldn't have changed anything IMO.

Pagwatch · 22/01/2012 09:50

I like the witty retort though.

Oh , hang on - you just copied what I posted

ToothbrushThief · 22/01/2012 09:50

Not a tricky concept at all Heswall - hence I'm suggesting she needs to rehouse the dog rather than keep him on the leash in a house he's not suited for

HoneyandHaycorns · 22/01/2012 09:51

Heswall, surely you don't think it is acceptable for an adult to get himself into this sort of state? Confused Regardless of the reason.

It's a tricky concept for me that anyone might seek to justify this sort of behaviour.

I would forgive my DH for behaving like this once. The second time I'd be out the door.

ArseWormsWithoutSatNav · 22/01/2012 09:51

I do think you need to take him to A&E now though. He could be quite ill. And a professional would see how drunk he is... That might help in the long run

frownieface · 22/01/2012 09:56

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Concussion/Pages/Symptoms.aspx a lot of the symptoms are the same as being drunk.

It seems a little worrying that you are more concerned with a carpet rather than as several other posters said your partners health.

Get him down to a&e, get him checked, if he OK then let rip and cut his bollocks off.

ZenNudist · 22/01/2012 09:58

Disappearing off to your mums seems very reasonable. Do you think that given the state he is in & the damage he has done this will be enough of a wake up call? He has form for getting injured when drunk. It seems to me he needs to stop drinking alcohol altogether. If, like last night, just the couple if pints leads to him getting wrecked, he will have to stick to soft drinks in future. What are the chances of that happening?

I know the laptop is his and its punishment etc but I would try & dry it off (ew) and don't turn it on until it's completely dry. He can try a hairdryer. Perhaps take it into apple store? I've had tea spill all over laptop, and sticky orange juice another time that necessitated new mother board but it survived. It would save the inevitable hit on your finances at some point in the (distant) future when he does get a replacement!

The carpet can be cleaned, get a professional in.

Do you think your dp will be receptive to seeing that his actions have a financial, physical & emotional cost and he needs to stop drinking?

FellatioNelsonsDog · 22/01/2012 09:59

I'd be very surprised if this happened by falling over. Banging your head, grazing your face, maybe - but cutting your hand badly enough to bleedd profusely over the floor? And last time he broke his hand.....

My first thought is that he is getting ivolved in fights whilst drunk. He's either starting fights, or he is getting so out of his tree that he is being loud/obnoxious enough for someone elsw to want to him him. Cutting his hand would be a sign that glass was involved.....

I think the OP just assumed he fell over as he seems too drunk to coherently tell her anything much.

Check him for signs of concussion, and be especially aware of signs of aggression and wandering around shouting and being agitated etc, when he wakes up. It is a huge red light for head injuries and brain bleeds.

He sounds like he needs to grow up, before he ends up dead in a gutter one night.

FellatioNelsonsDog · 22/01/2012 10:00

OMG the typos! Shock

drunk enough for someone to want to HIT him

newbiedoobiedoo · 22/01/2012 10:05

I wouldn't have answered the phone either! I wouldn't have heard it at that time. We can assume she knows her dp and he has form in that he rings to waffle when drunk. OP has said this so I don't think she was wrong not to answer.

She's upset about her carpet because her dp, who is presumambly older than 16, came in and destroyed her house and pissed on her baby's toys!

I just don't think people should be worrying about her relationship Hmm or having a go at her because she didn't rush the big lump to A&E. She's angry. And justifiably so. That doesn't mean she doesn't care what happens to him!

Snakeonaplane · 22/01/2012 10:06

I've had almost the exact same scenario, in a way bit was good. I was fuming dh was mortified it encouraged a big conversation about his drinking( he hardly ever drinks because of his job but when he does something bad always happens) he sent me a huge bunch of flowers and really thought about his drinking, since then approx 2 years ago things have improved drastically.

Completely get ignoring the calls too, my dh used to always involve me in his drinking dramas. Would never ignore any other time but when he had been out I'd never have any sleep either.

Wake him check he is making sense now just to rule out head injury and then leave for the day and let him clean up and sweat for a bit.

boredandrestless · 22/01/2012 10:07

I wouldn't be cleaning up the carpets, or tending to his hands, I wouldn't be worrying he was concussed or waking him up and driving him to A+E.

OP has already said that summer time he got into a similar state and broke his hand, requiring an operation, he hasn't learnt from this and has form for this behaviour. The first time I would play nurse and forgive, after that I would be out. This kind of behaviour would be a deal breaker for me.

Blood and mud on carpets, piss on laptop, toys and rug. I'm guessing bedding will be blood stained too, and maybe bedroom floor where he laid down. Front door wide open.

I would go out so that I didn't clean any more of his mess up, and so that me and DS didn't have to be sat in a pissy house while he snores away upstairs. He can get himself to minor injuries or A+E when he wakes up. He can call a taxi or a friend to take him. HE can clean up and replace damaged items when he has sobered up.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2012 10:07

yes, justifiably, but if she reads all the posters here warning about concussion and then still doesn't get him checked out, one COULD argue that, whatever reason, she doesn't care what happens to him :(

PocPoc · 22/01/2012 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 22/01/2012 10:08

I would be waking him up by now, and getting an explanation.

JoantheFennel · 22/01/2012 10:10

Trouble is, he might not wake up....

Snakeonaplane · 22/01/2012 10:11

Oh and the reason our emergency departments are full of pissed up idiots on a Saturday night is because their well meaning relatives don't have much common sense. I'm sure the OP isn't leaving her DH to die of a head injury other bedroom floor Hmm

MunchkinsMumof2 · 22/01/2012 10:12

I think he needs medcal attention asap as many of his actions post head injury could actually be attributed to a head injury. I echo other posters who recommend medical care, bollocking and leaving for night-that would be my plan of action in your shoes.

HoneyandHaycorns · 22/01/2012 10:13

newbie, I totally get that she is angry, and justifiably so. I would be furious. But if my DH came home with a massive lump on his head, dripping blood all over the carpet, my concern for his wellbeing would temporarily override my anger.

I can only assume that the OP is so sick of her DH's behaviour that she has become immune to the sort of concern that a caring partner would normally feel in this sort of situation. I don't blame her for this - I wouldn't tolerate it if my DH repeatedly got himself into this sort of state. But I do think it says something about their relationship if the carpet is her primary concern.

newbiedoobiedoo · 22/01/2012 10:13

Fair point Fanjo I would imagine that OP will have checked that she can get some sense out of him by now? But if he's just hungover/still drunk then I'd be out of there like a shot!

belgo · 22/01/2012 10:13

Snakeonaplane you cannot blame the relatives for A&E being full of drunks.

Blame the drunks....