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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect more than a "thank you" for this?

121 replies

valkilly · 21/01/2012 23:55

Long time lurker, first time poster so am ready to be flamed :)

I have 2 DC, DS is 4, DD is 6 mths. DH plays football at weekends and is gone half the day on Saturdays. At 10pm last night, he asked if I could mind one of his team-mate's DDs (aged 5) today as he had no-one else to mind her. I hadn't met this child before but agreed.

She was dropped off at 12 and here til 4.30 so I gave her lunch etc. The weather was bad so we couldn't go for a walk so I spent the day trying to keep her and my DS occupied, while also looking after the baby. I also couldn't take them out in the car coz I didn't have a booster seat for her. It was a bit of a stressful day, as she was a little bit of a handful and I had to intervene on a few occasions to keep peace between her and my DS. Before anyone says I was being over-sensitive to PFB, I'm a primary teacher so well used to dealing with kids.

When she was picked up her Dad thanked me but AIBU for thinking a small token ( box of chocs, bunch of flowers) wouldn't have been too much to ask?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 22/01/2012 00:00

I don't think you should expect more than just a thank you for a few hours babysitting done as a favour.

Because if you didn't want to do it you maybe should have said no?

bruxeur · 22/01/2012 00:01

What kind of chocolates?

/calibrates judgometer

NoMoreMarbles · 22/01/2012 00:04

TBH if you agreed then thanks should be enough...why would you expect a friend of your DHs to buy you flowers? do you buy a token gift for all people who do small favours for you? i dont. and i dont expect flowers and/or chocs if i do a favour for someone either.

YABU IMO

Kayano · 22/01/2012 00:04

hands op hard hat

Grin good luck

BluddyMoFo · 22/01/2012 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
valkilly · 22/01/2012 00:06

bruxeur Just a small box of Roses/Celebrations! I'm not fussy :) It was more of a "It's the thought that counts" type thing I guess, really

OP posts:
workshy · 22/01/2012 00:08

if you had been babysitting for me I would have got you a little something

if you were my friend doing me a favour I probably would have offered to return the favour unless it was really putting you out -early morning etc, in which case I would have got you something

OfCourseImAlwaysRight · 22/01/2012 00:10

i think that a thankyou is more than enough tbf, did u want him to feed you grapes and fan you because you babysat his child??

Original poster
valkilly · 22/01/2012 00:10

Ok. I am getting the message already! By the way I'm not fuming or anything - it was just a musing really.

FWIW I do buy small tokens for people when they me a favour. A friend minded the baby for half an hour one day and I bought her a bunch of flowers to say thanks..

OP posts:
minimisschief · 22/01/2012 00:12

lmao. i have looked after my partners friends son a few times so they can go out. it never crossed my mind to expect payment of any kind.

bruxeur · 22/01/2012 00:13

Economics not your strong point, OP?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 22/01/2012 00:13

I think it's a bit cheeky of him to have asked in the first place, considering you hadn't even met the child before, just so he could go and do his hobby. Where was the little girl's mother whilst you were babysitting?

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2012 00:13

Nah, you agreed to look after the child for a couple of hours and for all you know your DH could have bigged the situation up to the parent...saying you absolutely love kids etc...

Or he may have made it sound like a 'play date'

BluddyMoFo · 22/01/2012 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 22/01/2012 00:14

He wouldn't have had time to buy anything would he if it was a last min thing?

I'd be embarrassed if someone got me a bunch of flowers for looking after their lovely baby (with those little tiny toes Smile) for a half hour.

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2012 00:15

A friend minded the baby for half an hour one day and I bought her a bunch of flowers to say thanks

See I would have felt really uncomfortable with that.

Half an hour? If a friend of mine felt the need to do that I don't think I'd offer again because as nice as it is, it's totally unecessary and costly.

yellowraincoat · 22/01/2012 00:16

I hate friends buying me stuff to say thank you! You do favours for friends because you're friends not for some ulterior motive.

If you don't consider him a friend and you didn't want to do it, you should have said no.

NoMoreMarbles · 22/01/2012 00:22

i agree, it would make me feel totally uncomfortable and a little like a 'poor' friend as i cant afford to reciprocate. i have recently been pushed away for being a 'poor' friend so that doesnt sit too well with me and would make me feel like shit TBH.

much better to offer a favour in return than a gift IMO

Original poster
valkilly · 22/01/2012 00:26

Hexagonal TBH I don't know the home situation. DH thought they had split up but now thinks they're back together. Either way, I know her Dad always has her at weekends and she is generally minded by one if the other team mate's wives while he plays. DH and he are the captain and vice captain so there was a bit of implied pressure - if I had said no, the Dad couldn't have played.

I can see now that my wanting more than a verbal "Thank You" was due to me feeling a bit irked for being landed with this kid and for that, I am being unreasonable.

Next time I'll say no and stop buying extravagant Thank You gifts when there's no need. Genuinely - thanks all!

OP posts:
toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 22/01/2012 00:29

Well my neighbour asked me to have her son from about 6pm and keep him for a sleepover so she could attend an event (she is a single parent) and bless her good heart she brought round a bottle of vino, a cheesecake (she knows me well Grin ) and some pizza from M and S for her ds and mine to share.

I was happy to have him but I was touched so much by her thoughtfulness, and she is my neighbour. I kind of get what the op was saying, she doesn't even know them, it was a favour at short notice etc etc. just some acknowledgement isn't demanded but it is a nice gesture. And if you want to make it a positive, perhaps it makes you more likely to help them out again if needed - I know I will, or is it just me that'll do anything for m and s cheesecake? Wink

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 22/01/2012 00:32

So he only has his DD at weekends then and palms her off with random people that she's never met so he can pursue his hobby?! What a wonderful dad he sounds! Hmm

It was unfair of your husband to pressure you into babysitting too. What is it with men and their hobbies that make them think the whole world can accommodate them doing what they want to do!?

RealLifeIsForWimps · 22/01/2012 00:36

What Hex said. He's a mate of the DH's, yet it's the wives that end up carrying the can for his failure to sort out a proper arrangement. Plus ca change

Tbh I would have said no in the first place. If Dh wants to do a mate a favour, he can do the favour, not subcontract it to me

LeBOF · 22/01/2012 00:38

Goodness, you really don't know how to play AIBU, do you? You have capitulated far too quickly, been delightfully polite, and haven't even called anyone a bully or threatened to flounce. Bad show Grin

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 22/01/2012 00:41

YANBU
you don't know this guy, you helped him out
this was not a friend looking a favour ie how will he repay you. is he going to look after 1 of your DC in the future - thought not

DoreensEatingHerSoreen · 22/01/2012 00:41

Since you agreed to babysit a thank you seems sufficient to me.

Plus now you could ask your DH's friend to babysit for you in the future, that's usually how it works in my circles.