AIBU to expect more than a "thank you" for this?

[valkilly]

Long time lurker, first time poster so am ready to be flamed :)

I have 2 DC, DS is 4, DD is 6 mths. DH plays football at weekends and is gone half the day on Saturdays. At 10pm last night, he asked if I could mind one of his team-mate's DDs (aged 5) today as he had no-one else to mind her. I hadn't met this child before but agreed.

She was dropped off at 12 and here til 4.30 so I gave her lunch etc. The weather was bad so we couldn't go for a walk so I spent the day trying to keep her and my DS occupied, while also looking after the baby. I also couldn't take them out in the car coz I didn't have a booster seat for her. It was a bit of a stressful day, as she was a little bit of a handful and I had to intervene on a few occasions to keep peace between her and my DS. Before anyone says I was being over-sensitive to PFB, I'm a primary teacher so well used to dealing with kids.

When she was picked up her Dad thanked me but AIBU for thinking a small token ( box of chocs, bunch of flowers) wouldn't have been too much to ask?

Just out of interest, how did your OH put it to his friend? Did he present it as a fait accompli "Oh, don't worry, valkilly will have her, no problem," or did they conjure this scheme up together? Yes, it would have been nice for the friend to have got you a token thank you for helping out at such short notice but it's possible he didn't realise what position your OH had put you in.

If my mum babysits for me I leave her naice snacks and cake!
I dont think the issue here is that OP minds doing a favour for a friend. It's that this man took for granted that someones wife would step in so he could go off and pursue his hobby, and then was mighty casual about it.
Say no next time, or charge I say.

Ooooooo it worked!

I honestly don't know how it came about Sandstorm. Maybe he doesn't go round asking random strangers after all. Maybe DH offered my services (ahem) by saying at some point "Well valkilly is a soft touch always free if you're stuck?". That wouldn't sound unlike him now you mention it. As it was the 2nd time I had been asked, there may have been some prior suggestion that I would be open to this. Sure I teach mind other people's kids all the time and get paid for it

Ooh weevils are those flowers for me?! You really shouldn't have
Ooh

Aw val I'm very touched by your , and want to give you and back (but I think we must be upsetting the global favour economy or something by giving gifts willy nilly that aren't directly connected to favours...)

You said Oh and any suggestions as to where I could hide his hockey stick will be gratefully received wink

Having had several glasses of wine and watched a slightly crude film, there's an answer that's just begging to be articulated here, and it involves that classic saying 'where the sun don't shine, matey'.

I was also thinking earlier that I bet the favour has already been repayed - with a pint or two bought for your DH, or lifts for your DH, or whatever for your DH If that's the case, then I think DH has received the favour on your behalf, and bloody well owes it!

Ooh Crabby and - the whole universe is going to turn on it's head and the social fabric of society will be irreperably damaged forever (or something!) Cheers

I'd say you might be right about me never being repaid while DH gets all the thanks and all his free time into the bargain!

One more glass and I'll be brandishing that hockey stick in a very menacing manner

well i tend to give small things for the kids/mums to enjoy - exotic fruit, sweetie treats etc. i don't think i could hand my child over empty handed.

Yes it would have been polite to have bought a small gift, but not every one is polite.

re: not being able to take her out, I thought that the middle child legally didn't need a booster seat? Either way I have enough (cheap) boosters for every spare seat in my car including the front, as I'd never want to be in a situation were I couldn't go out due to lack of booster seats!

Forever Fair point re the booster seats but apart from my own DC I have never had to think about taking another child in the car so I wasn't sure of the legalities. If I had nieces/nephews nearby, I might have spare booster seats lying about but we live far away from family so all I have is what we need for our 2

It is a bit tricky though. I do ask childcare favours and sometimes bring something and when I can't afford it I don't but have hers over. However I do feel bad for my friend because I know she is sort of hopeful (although way to nice to actually expect it). So now it's how many nice things have I done vs how many times have I returned the favour to still be polite...

YABU. A sincere thanks means far more than a gift. It also goes without saying that they'd be willing to do you a favour in the future.

I'm wondering where the other AIBU is. You know, AIBU to mind that my ex leaves our DD with random team-mates wife on Saturdays instead of spending time with her?
No wonder she was a bit of a handful, she was probably missing her dad. And yes, OP, you should have got more than a thank-you. Next time say no.

A 'thank you' is sufficient.

I made a mercy dash to a friend's dd's after school club at teatime on Friday, I got a thank you, it was all that was required. I'd have felt embarrassed if they'd turned up with a wreath or a box of chocolates to be honest.

I agree with hex. Jeez, I could never dump my kids with a stranger. OK you're obviously a really nice person and he got lucky but the fact he doesn't give much thought to who his child is with would indicate to me he isn't going to waste a second worrying about who has cared for that child.

But yes, a bigger thank you would have been nice.

aldi If it was my friend or the Little girl was a friend of DS I certainly wouldn't have started the thread. This is a child I didn't know and a man I didn't know apart from being DH's team-mate. If he had even sent her with a lunch for herself, I don't think I would have felt as I did. It's not the flowers or chocs that I wanted - it was some small token that showed the Dad realised it was a bit of an ask, that's all.

And a wreath? Why on earth would I want one of those? Only a tad morbid don't you think?

surely you have some messy job that needs doing around the house/garage/garden which dh has been putting off. Before too much time elapses, is a good time to invite this dad along to give your dh a hand getting it done. And you take your dc off to visit your mum.

I would have done this, as a favour to my dh, rather than as a favour to the team mate. But given that she was a handful, I would make it very clear to dh that you are not going to be doing this again.

When the hockey season ends, you should make a point of leaving the dc with your dh and going out every Saturday afternoon, so he understands that you are covering his share of the responsibility, so that he can pursue his hobby. Personally, I think that when you have kids, you shouldn't commit to time consuming hobbies and make the assumption that your partner will just do your share of the child care.

I can't get my head around how a parent can be happy to leave his dc in the care of a total stranger. If I only had my dc at weekends,I'd want to spend every minute with them.

Brilliant idea ZZZen, thanks I hadn't thought of that

karmabeliever I love your idea too and have seen by others' responses that I have been a pushover far too accommodating for far too long.

YANBU at all, i think It was really good of you to do such a favour especially at short notice and especially as it wasn't for a close friend of yours. Some people are just damn cheeky. Even if a member of my family steps in and helps with babysitting I make sure I show how much I appreciate it. Next time, say no and let them pay £4 per hour for a qualified child minder!

Thanks Gooshka. You're right tho - I wonder would he be so keen to play every Sat if he had to pay for child care? I somehow doubt it!