AIBU to not want him in the delivery room?

[PinkPeanuts]

Ok I don't want to drip feed but the backstory is far too long and boring to type! Happy to answer questions tho :)

Anyway, I'm 31 weeks pregnant, split up with father of child when I was 9 weeks.

We do not get on. He has not attended a single antenatal appointment (his choice, not mine), he left the country for 2 month of the pregnancy, and at one point told me I was on my own and he wanted nothing to do with me or my child- he changed his mind soon after.

We spoke on Wednesday, for the first time in 2 months and were amicable, until it dawned on him that he would not be in the delivery room when our baby is born. I explained to him that I would not feel comfortable with him in the room, I just wanted it to be me and my mum. At this point I was told I was being selfish it's not about whether I'm comfortable or not. I disagree, I think uncomfortable mother= uncomfortable baby, stressed mother= stressed baby, and all he does is stress me out. Personality wise, he is rude, aggressive and disrespectful. I just know he will be there throwing his weight around causing tension and I can't think of anything worse while I'm in labour.

AIBU to not allow him to be in the room while I deliver our child?

The "should have known he was going to turn into an arse before you let him father your baby" bit is rather as well.

I asked dh about the expressed view on here that it is the father's right to be there, he pointed out that being a dad isn't necessarily being their to see the head pop out, but always doing what is best for the family. If that means being outside waiting so be it, support isn't doing what you want to do regardless.

I had DH at dd's birth and wouldn't have had it any other way, nor do I wabt anyone else there. However it is so, so intimate and scary and overwhelming that the thought of having someone there by force, who has treated me badly and isn't there for me but just as a spectator makes my skin crawl.

How sad that some boorish men have taken the wonderful privilege of being there at the birth of their child (which is happily much more common as modern fathers embrace their role) to be a 'right'. It was never a right. It was always a privilege, and one in the mother to be's gift. And so it will always remain.

DS dad wanted to be at the birth and I refused to have him there. We were on bad terms at the time. However, that was 7 years ago, he is now a very involved and loving dad, and we did once discuss the birth and I said that I hoped he wouldn't be offended that I still thought that giving birth with only my mum and my best mate there was better for me. He was fine with it.

If he wanted to be fully involved in the pregnancy, baby etc he shouldn't have fucked off and left you. He is in a bed of his own making

It's just another way of blaming women for being victims of abuse, Annie.

You just know it will be the same people snorting in derision when anyone points out early signs of abuse, and insisting that relationships take "work" and you should talk to man about why he treats you badly, rather than leaving him.

Pinkpeanuts - don't tell anyone you're going into labour and swear your Mum to secrecy. Nobody really needs to know

yanbu, at first i didn't want DH in the labour room with me.

my reason is that i didn't want to see me covered in blood and possible going to pooh ect. i reconsidered as dh can keep me calm and focused and ofcourse he had a right to be there as he came to every scan, MW apoinment got me water when i was going through morning sickness and every thing possible in pregnancy.

Birth is a bloody messy undignified and sometimes terrifying experience for a woman to go through, and it's the mother who gets to suffer all the blood pain and indignity not the father, so I rather think that it is her right to say no to him. As for morally a man should be able to witness the birth of his child, well I rather think that he lost any credibility to spout about morals when he said he wanted nothing to do with the child he created.