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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mum is a bit bonkers!!

276 replies

Dartfordmummy · 20/01/2012 16:52

Don't know if there is already a thread on this but am a bit Shock about this story!!

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2089474/Its-boy-Couple-brought-child-gender-neutral-reveal-sex-The-Infant--keeping-secret-FIVE-YEARS.html

Poor Sasha Sad

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 19:28

they are not raising him in a gender neutral way, they are FORCING the opposite gender stuff on him to "cancel" his natural gender which is no better and maybe worse than conforming to gender steriotypes

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 19:29

I would always put the child first and they have a right to know their gender and fit in with their culture and peer group-I am not going to put anything else as more important.

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 19:30

They aren't forcing. He chose his school blouse from the list. On a day to day basis he chose what clothes from a selection.

Do try not to be quite so barking.

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 19:31

They don't "send him to school like that"

it's because he's starting school that they have dropped the gender neutrality.

So many Frothing Berserkers on one thread.

What are you all so threatened by?

catgirl1976 · 20/01/2012 19:32

they say he only plays with gender neutral toys

but they "encouraged" him to play with dolls

thats not letting him choose

woof

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 19:32

They referred to him as 'the infant' and allowed him to play only with ?gender-neutral toys? in their television-free home.

Maybe I am thick but how is dressing as a fairy 'gender neutral'? Confused

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 19:33

I am all for gender neutral stuff, DS picked his new toothbrush today, it's pink, he feel asleep last night clutching his baby doll. None of that scares me. I just think it's harmful to react to something by going too far down the opposite end of the spectrum. That applies to most things

thebestisyettocome · 20/01/2012 19:34

I would add exoticfruits, that if the child then wants to change, they should have every right to do so and every right-thinking parent should support them.

catgirl1976 · 20/01/2012 19:34

they encourage him to wear flowery tops#

they are influencing his choices - this is not led by him but by them and that is my issue with it

woof woof woof

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 19:34

"Maybe I am thick but how is dressing as a fairy 'gender neutral'?"

exactly, it seems like they removed a lot of the male stereotype stuff and provided GN and female stereotype stuff for him to choose from

samandi · 20/01/2012 19:35

i think samandi most people have looked at the info in the link, which may be skewed but is all we have without resarching further, and concluded that they encouraged him to dress etc opposite to his sex and forbid him chosing items they disliked / opposed (combats), which is not bringing him up gender neutral / giving him a choice

"For the past five years Sasha has alternated between girls? and boys? clothes"

It's there in black and white, four paragraphs in. So yes he was encouraged to dress in "girls' clothes" but presumably he was also encouraged to dress in "boys' clothes". Not sure why the combats were banned.

Incidentally this sentence:

"Beck was resolute and encouraged him to play with dolls to hide his masculinity."

sounds absolute rubbish. Plenty of boys play with dolls, they don't do it "to hide their masculinity".

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 19:35
thebestisyettocome · 20/01/2012 19:35

Why are you so aggressive Hully. Not agreeing with you doesn't make me a 'frothing berserker.' I am actually pretty sane. What I am not however is intimidated by you. At all.

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 19:36

Sasha?s gender was almost revealed when he took to running around their garden naked, but Beck was resolute and encouraged him to play with dolls to hide his masculinity.

How is this gender neutral if he was being encouraged to hide the male side?
It seems to me the experiment was 'lets see if we can suppress the male side and make him like girl type things'.

PearsBeaufort · 20/01/2012 19:36

excotic - yes, but, we're working with a DM article, which isn't a proper place to work from. This would be an interesting conversation to have in other circumstances.

samandi · 20/01/2012 19:36

they are not raising him in a gender neutral way, they are FORCING the opposite gender stuff on him to "cancel" his natural gender which is no better and maybe worse than conforming to gender steriotypes

How did you glean this? Hmm

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 19:37

if you ban matcho combats then you would surely also ban princess fairy costumes to have a balanced GN upbringing would you not?

either you have all the full range of stuff available

or just the GN clothes and toys

once you are picking and choosing out of the former then you are influencing

catgirl1976 · 20/01/2012 19:37

perhaps it is just bad DM reprting sam but it does not sound neutral at all.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 19:39

also the photography gives that impression, if there was one of him in bob the builder costume and one of him in fairy wings then that would give a different impression

but in both photos he is in gender specific not neutral clothing and both are female, it doesn't give the impression that he was fully exploring the GS male stuff too

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 19:40

BECAUSE THE DAILY MAIL HAS AN AGENDA

Geddit?

SpecialBranch · 20/01/2012 19:40

Much less of Daily Mail spin on the story here.

Pretty fascinating actually on how the same facts can be made to appear a lot less, well, extreme...

catgirl1976 · 20/01/2012 19:41

yes Hully - i think we are all agreed the DM have probably reported very badly

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 19:41

It seems to me that you naysayers don't want to think about the issue from a detached, philosophical and interested point of view. You want to read the DM, take it at face value and get all worked up and have a lovely froth.

I just don't get it.

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 19:42

Sasha wears a blouse with ruched-sleeves and a scalloped collar to school from the girls' uniform list, and has been banned from sporting combat trousers.
He is also encouraged to wear flowery tops at weekends.

Why are certain clothes banned? I don't think that I would have so much against it if Sasha had a fair choice but one gender is encouraged and the other discouraged.
I doubt if he had equal access to fairy costume and superman costume.

It is quite normal for children to have a choice of the other gender in toys and dressing up-I wouldn't even want to see them as gender specific. I just get the distinct impression he was guided to the feminine and then it was presented as his choice.

As an experiment I don't think it a fair one.

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 19:43

Everyone knows the DM has an agenda-I never read it for that reason. The mother chose it-it suited her agenda.

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