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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mum is a bit bonkers!!

276 replies

Dartfordmummy · 20/01/2012 16:52

Don't know if there is already a thread on this but am a bit Shock about this story!!

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2089474/Its-boy-Couple-brought-child-gender-neutral-reveal-sex-The-Infant--keeping-secret-FIVE-YEARS.html

Poor Sasha Sad

OP posts:
BehindLockNumberNine · 20/01/2012 17:27

The only bit of the article that jars with me is that he wears a frilly blouse to school (although I think he chooses to wear that) and that he is forbidden to wear combat trousers (I thought he was allowed to choose?)

Other than that I don't know enough about the family to comment. But he is a cute little boy Smile

StealthPenguin · 20/01/2012 17:28

What. On. Earth.

Some people are fucking bizarre.

Original poster
Dartfordmummy · 20/01/2012 17:29

and the poor boy is called Sasha!! I always thought it was a girls name.

I know there's one on Holby though.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 20/01/2012 17:29

good for them

Psammead · 20/01/2012 17:30

Fuckityfuck, probably so stop other people reating him differently. I do not think it's unreasonable to assume that people are more likely to buy a dress and a doll for a girl than a boy, and robust playing clothes and a car for a boy rather than for a girl. People like this mother feel that is forcing their children down a specific road based only on their sex and that this is wrong.

My view is that there it has the potential to make a child ashamed of their sex.

otchayaniye · 20/01/2012 17:34

well, it's very misguided

notions of gender roles vary so much through countries, cultures and class and are assumed throughout childhood and much garnered from what is modelled around the child in the family and in society

if they think allowing their boy to play with dolls and wear pink (traditionally a boys' colour) then they are effectively moving the chairs on the Titanic

besides, we all have a gender and we cannot avoid this fact

exexpat · 20/01/2012 17:35

I think there may be a certain amount of Daily Mail bias and selective reporting here, to put it mildly. Yes, they took an unusual position but I am guessing that a lot of the thinking behind it and the way it worked day to day have been left out to may her look crazy to simplify the story for DM readers.

I vaguely knew Beck Laxton at university and she has a long history of challenging the status quo and questioning people's assumptions, but she is (or was back then) an intelligent, ethically-driven person, not someone who would dress a boy up in girls' clothes because she actually wanted a girl.

I think her biggest error of judgment might be agreeing to appear in the DM and expected to get a fair hearing. Now that is mad...

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 17:35

It has the potential to isolate him-everyone sees him as an oddity and no one wants to be a friend.

cakeismysaviour · 20/01/2012 17:37

They seem to think that other people make too much of a 'big deal' about gender, but the reality is that nobody is making a 'bigger deal' about it than them. Their child is likely to grow up being far more conscious about gender than other children, so I predict that they are going to achieve exactly the opposite to what they intended to.

zookeeper · 20/01/2012 17:38

I would like to see the true story as I suspect the DM has put it's inimitable slant on it. On the face of it though it seems bonkers and potentially damaging

zookeeper · 20/01/2012 17:38

its Blush

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 20/01/2012 17:39

Fuckityfuck, probably so stop other people reating him differently

But is the reaction they must get any better?? I don't think it's fair on the child at all to make them an oddity like this. You can't get so worried about how other people react to your dc and what they buy them. Surely building a good character and sense of self can happen in the home regardless of wether they get a dress or a car for their birthday?

Janey1387 · 20/01/2012 17:39

She claims the child was raised gender neutral and that he was free to do whatever he wanted etc.. but no he wasn't really was he? She actively encourages him to play with dolls and wear dresses , does that not send the message Girl stuff=good , Boy stuff=bad . If he was naturally attracted to pink/girly things she would not have needed to encourage him towards it would she? Why not just keep quiet on the matter and let him choose what he wanted to play with , instead of (clearly) showing him you prefer it when he plays with girly things , this was all just a loony experiment by the parents to prove a point

Original poster
Dartfordmummy · 20/01/2012 17:40

I just feel sorry for the boy as parents of children in his class will have seen this and so their children may have come across it too - why publish a picture of him wearing a fairy costume!

OP posts:
zookeeper · 20/01/2012 17:40

can't be bothered to read whole thig -did she refer to him as she, he or it??

Figgyrolls · 20/01/2012 17:43

Lets hope that A:he is really named Alexander and Sasha is his nickname (gives him more choice on names he might like to use in an older life) b: my ds is currently walking around in a pink sparkly beret - won't wear a gender neutral hat but will wear the pink sparkling beret at all times if he could. And a tutu.

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 17:43

Don't be silly, loads of boys wear fairy costumes. My ds wore a pink tutu and tights for about a year when he was three.

Oh, maybe that was because nobody told him there was somehting wrong with it. Because, you know, there isn't.

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 17:44

Those who onject are tying themselves in knots trying to deny it is simply about their own prejudices.

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 17:44

object even

catgirl1976 · 20/01/2012 17:46

I dont think there is anything wrong with a little boy chosing to wear a tutu and ballet tights.

I would think there was something wrong with a parent actively encouraging him to wear certain things to please her own agenda.

youarekidding · 20/01/2012 17:47

I agree with all those saying that wearing from the 'girls uniform' and dressing as a fairy isn't gender neutral.

My DS (7) who has been raised as boy and knows he is one wouldn't think twice as dressing up as a fairy or playing with dolls - his choice. I just have never made a fuss over it, as I'm sure many parents haven't.

And I'm not sure any female who works within an old male orientated role, or males working in what's seen as a female orientated role have been bought up gender neutral either. Society is changing and that will have a bigger impact than not having a gender, so in effect an identity.

Tingalingle · 20/01/2012 17:47

Um, just wondering who they were supposed to have kept the sex secret from?

I also know them (her at least) and knew Sasha was a boy... currently re-running past conversations in my head to see if Beck referred to the child as 'it' whenever we met. Wouldn't be surprised if she did, but I'd have blanked that out as Beck being Beck, I think.

If you're reading this Beck, I'm not sure I've forgiven you yet for referring to our own PFB as a 'snotty little toerag' and asking us why anyone would actively want anything quite so disgusting. You'll be delighted to hear that we just put it down to the lady protesting too much!

Tingalingle · 20/01/2012 17:47

Also wondering if I know Exexpat, now!

Psammead · 20/01/2012 17:48

Fuckityfuck, sorry, that 'reating' word was 'treating'! Not 'reacting'. Stupid fingers.

Hullygully · 20/01/2012 17:49

Is she not very nice then Tingle?

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