to use dc's savings to pay for extra mattress to replace Playmobil that have been abandoned?

[JoyceDivision]

Strange title i know but can't think how to word it!

Not a very serious issue, but I like to consider the weighty opinions or M'nttrs!

Last week, after a wobbler from dd (5) because I wouldn't let her eat a candy cane from school (she's in reception and a bit miffed they gavce them all out, but hey ho..) and we agreed she could keep it and, i dn't know, play with it or look at it or something..

anyway, got home, dd went upstairs then after a while quite cheerfully asked me to come and look at her bedrom. Sje jad emptied all her playmobil into the middle of her room, school park, the princess castle she got from santa at Christmas!

So I told her to clean it up, went back upstairs after a while and she had trashed the castle... it tookus 4 hours to put it up!!

So all the playmobil has been confiscated, with tyhe agreement dd can have it back in a week but dd must show she can look after it. Dd however is not really that bothered and said she doesn't want ot and we can give it all away..

I'm thinking of doing some swaps with friends so dd isn't bored with it or if she really doesn't like the castle (sob! the carriage, bathroom, bedroom, nursery is with it!), and buying a cheap mattress at about £60 to put under her bed as a den as she seems to like the empty space to read.

So, would I be acting right (as in, not spoiling / giving in to dd) by getting what I think she would like, and since she was sooo naughty, rather than cough up myself, should i take the funds from dd saving a/c and she has in effect bought this herself?

Am i rotten or to soft?

I almost can't get past the 'five year old twatting her playmobile' phrase. Why do you keep saying that?

However, I think the mattress thing/taking her savings is bonkers and a complete red herring. If we are struggling to understand it, a five year old isn't going to get the connection At All and the whole exercise is pointless.

Perhaps though you could use this experience to examine how you might play it in future when she is given sweets.

I'm guessing by her reaction and yours that you are Not Very Keen.

But she is at school. She will be going to playdates and parties. Other people will give her sweets. And oh god the party bags.

How are you going to handle that? From your OP, it all seems a bit hysterical in your world.

' Pick your battles wisely' has never sounded more apt in this case.

I reckon you could break the flattish pieces of playmobile by stamping on them, (wearing shoes) if they are jumbled up with other pieces so you get a lever effect.

If she broke the Playmobil on purpose, she must have been pretty angry. I was wondering if this happens often/regularly?

I find that if I let my kids blow off steam and listen to what is so unfair and ask them to come up with solutions, it usually resolves okay. But I do have placid kids so maybe unfair to suggest this.

Breaking the Playmobil was naughty. However, at 5 they need consequences quickly and it sounds as though you're dragging it out a bit.

If she really doesn't want it and you can flog it, then yes do it and get the mattress for a den. But I would probably check by asking her to help pack it up/talking with her about the plan.

Ok, you have had a rough reception here, but you made two big mistakes -

1. Posted on AIBU

(actually three mistakes, that counts as one on its own)

1. Posted an unclear OP that left many questions

1. Disappeared for hours so that we all made up answers to our own questions.

If you had immediately clarified that the Playmobil castle was actually broken and not just dismantled, and that she was only not allowed the candy cane before dinner, then the responses would have been different.

If she has truly destroyed the Playmobile castle then no, I would not buy her a mattress. I would confiscate the Playmobile for a week (although that does not seem to be much of a punishment as she doesn't seem to actually like it).

but I think I don't think I'm unreasinable and irrational

why ask if you are then?

Having re-read this, I have now decided that this is a load of old attention seeking bollocks.

Far too many s in the OP for starters. Secondly, DD2 has stood on the turrets many times and shes 14 and a bit of a heffer with no ill effect. Ditto the big flat bits, even when not flat on the floor. That stuff could take the weight of an elephant with no visible side effects.

And thirdly, what sane mother would honestly think it's reasonable to tell a 5 year old that they can play (or look) at that lovely sugary bit of yumminess but not eat it.

1. Saying no to the candy cane, is fine.

Leaving DD with the candy cane, foolish on your part. Too much temptation for a 5yo. You should have said something like "we will keep it in the cupboard for another time", "leave it in the kitchen, you can have a bit after tea" or "How about you choose something to swap the candy cane for? like [insert suitable treat]"

1. Do you think she actually likes playmobil?

If not then why buy her any in the first place or expect her to be bothered about having it confiscated. You need to speak to her about it. If she did break the castle then, yes that isn't acceptable and you shouldn't buy her something to replace it. If she doesn't like it then swap it with friends but make sure you get something your DD really values or she may break that as well.

1. The mattress. If you think she would benefit from the mattress then buy it but don't call it a playmobil replacement. The mattress needs to be a different issue, you can't keep on punishing her for the playmobil. Her punishment for that was having it confiscated.

If it were me I would get a few cushions or beanbags rather than a mattress anyway. You shouldn't make her use her savings. My DC's touchable savings are for them to choose what to buy, DH and I make suggestions but ultimately the choice is my DC's.

She was just having a moment.
Kids empty out all their stuff - and why shouldn't they?
You sound asif you were being non-stop antagonistic - no to the candy cane, making her put her stuff away - and she reacted by getting mad and dismantling the playmobile.

This is not a cue to totally rearrange everythig. She will want and value her Playmobil again tomorrow! She said she's not bothered as a way to be defiant about you taking it away. Stop escalating everything!

And try talking to HER about the mattress / den / playmobil optoions, rather than us. She will know what she would prefer!

It is one of my pet peeves when school and nursery choose to send DS out with sweets or a cake.

Yes I know its my job as a parent to say no and take it away until after dinner but its a pita because either I cave in or tired cranky DS is annoyed that I say no and has a bit of a strop.

However you do seem to have made a mountain out of a molehill. Your DD had a tantrum and broke her playmobil - you confiscated it which is fair and reasonable punishment. If you feel you need to do something further then perhaps putting her to bed early as it sounds as if she is overly tired.

FWIW I bought some second hand playmobil for DS a while back and he still doesn't seem to be playing with it at 5 3/4 so I think perhaps its designed for older children.

You are unlikely to get very much if you sell it, unless you are a proficient ebayer, so I don't see how you would get £60 for it. I'd leave it for a few weeks then talk to her about it see if she wants to keep the playmobil stuff or not. If she doesn't then I think you should buy a different toy with the money rather than a mattress.

See OP never returned

I'd never take a 5 year old child's money, ever. It isn't like she needs medicine or something vitally important that you can't afford.
No, I don't really, think you should put a mattress under her bed at this time.
I am sure she'd be fine with her blanket and pillow.
Children make tents all the time and do not put mattresses in them.
Children fall asleep on floors with their blanket and pillow/stuftie all the time.

If you do get a mattress, you should pay for it.
It is nothing to do with her breaking her other toys.

Just wondering what this thread is going to be known as in months/years to come. My money's on Candycanegate, but Playmobile Mattress is also a candidate. Suggestions on a postcard please. First prize is a piece of broken plastic castle. Second prize is a part-sucked candy cane but you have to rummage it out of the bin first.

What about dumpster-diving castle twatter .

Ok:

a) If dozens of ferociously aggressive mature and intellingent Mumsnetters didn't understand the crime to punishment ratio then a five year old won't.

b) Yes naughty to trash castle - so why buy her a mattress/den thingy in replace?

c) Of course don't give the bloody Playmobile stuff away. Are you mad, you will be rebuying it or something similar next Christmas or birthday! Think of your wallet. My kids had stuff they didn't play with for months or years til I got it out again.

d) If this is the punishment bar you are setting for a 5 year old's tantrum you will be grouding her for a month and selling off all her clothes and possessions by the time she's six.

d) Sod the candy cane thing - that's your perogative to let your dc eat sweets or not, that bit's a red herring.

ps I'm so intelligent that I spelled intelligent as intellingent ^

And both of us are so intelligent we mis-spelled Playmobil

mama, the op has returned, I just don't log on everydau as I'm a bt busy?

A a bit suprised that not staying on a thread all the time to respond to posts means you are liable for double flaming...

I have used a few as some one pointed out but then I don't think it's the most serious thing in teh world so can't see why a is a huuuge issue!

However, I realise that AIBU threads means you are putting yourseld to be skinned alive so there you go, but the castle sis definately broken, not dismantled`1

Anyway, the weeks without playmobil has ended, dd is at the moment very happy to see back and we re-jigged the layout of it in her bedroom so it is geting lots of playing with this ever, she has most of it back except the castle that can't be rescued, but the royal coach now resembles a bizarre drag racing car from the patch up job I've tried with it and there are quite a lot of princesses and princes going to school for a royal bath in the new bathroom / canteen at the local school or sufering some injury requiring treatment at the medical centre....