Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

okio-can you help me with my essay

i have been through counselling, i am fine.

Honestly, you do not sound fine at all. You say my post upset you more than any other ever has? Can you see how extremely dramatic and out of proportion that is? How it's actually quite manipulative and punishing in nature?

A person who is "fine" doesn't react that way. They are curious, open, they ask more questions to clarify, they try to find middle ground, and if they can't, they agree to disagree. They don't try to punish the person who's said something they disagree with.

What I was trying to suggest to you is that you background and history may be influencing you to react in a painfully overemotional way, and perhaps you need to examine that to prevent further pain entering into your life.

But it seems you are committed to creating as much misery and conflict as you possibly can for yourself. That makes me sad for you. You deserve better than that. I hope you find the support you need.

Question: If the people who originally upset you refuse to apologize because they believe and rightly so in my opinion that you were being unreasonable, will you petition for their addresses and start knocking on doors?

I think you're being very defensive about an issue that has long since past.

The burning question is, Why has this been brought up again? What exactly are you getting out of this OP?

So now people are questioning my actual mental health to discredit my feelings?

that is a new one even for mumsnet

I'd like to know exactly who was rude and hurtful on the other thread.

Both of oikopolis's posts are the calmest statements of rational good sense I have read in past six months. This is a very sad thread.

Rose Are you reading the same words as everyone else? You flew off the handle on the original thread and you are doing the same again here. You seem so desperate to take offence as much as possible.
Nobody is discrediting your feelings. They are asking you why, after a year, you felt the need to bring it up again. Maybe you should explore the reason why you felt the need to.

roseability, why did you start this thread?

No I'm questioning your mental health because your online behaviour is suggesting to me that there are questions about your mental health. Thats not a first for mumsnet at all. It happens a lot because this is not a place where people let things slide and don't try and help. I'm sure you won't believe me but actually I think holding up a mirror to your behaviour and pointing out how it appears is probably the most useful thing we do here for each other. If you just wanted us to stand round and throw stones at your targets because you said so, you've picked the wrong site.

Oh dear, this is not going well is it? :(

Roseability, it's very bad form to create a thread about a thread. Whether or not your thread a year ago went down in flames is by the bye. One of the great things about mumsnet is you can namechange (or not) and start again. Post a new thread. Lots of new people will pop by and answer. It'll be grand. Don't get caught up in the past, it's gone. It's done and nothing can change it.

I'm glad your son is doing well. I'm sure you are as sane as I am (ummm actually scrub that, you may be saner). :)

I really hope that you take time to examine why you have raised this roseability. It really is a strange reaction to what is after all is a great outcome.

The anxiety you felt at the possibility that your son may have a life affecting difficulty has been removed. Yet you are here complaining and bitter.

I cannot imagine where I would be in a year of someone said 'hey, we've looked again and ds is just dandy!' .
Not on here angry and vitriolic I suspect.

Because don't forget that many of us are still dealing with that thing, the mere suggestion of which so distressed you a year ago.

Even the title where the phrase 'label my son as autistic' has negative overtones about autism.

Posters were very tolerant of that initially as there is a huge amount of ignorance and people, naturally, don't particularly want to join our club.

But you just carried on demonstrating your horror at the very thought of it. I'm amazed that you are surprised that came across tbh. Yes, I found it upsetting I always do, but there was little point saying it to you as you were/are completely convinced you were being bullied.

Oh lord. A zillion cross posts.

I agree with Spero

So now people are questioning my actual mental health to discredit my feelings?

Is that directed at me OP?

If it is, I am not questioning your mental health at all. Did you perhaps think that because I said my mum has bpd, that I was saying you had it too? If so, please know that's not what I meant. What I meant was, my mum is damaged by her childhood and marriage, and has difficulties with coping with differing opinions/criticism, just as you seem to.

I am in therapy OP. I will be for the forseeable future. Therapy has helped me immensely -- I used to behave like my mother too. But in therapy, I gained insight into my behavior and can now slowly change it.

I've been assessed for MH conditions -- I am healthy, I have never even been depressed. That doesn't mean I don't benefit from continuous therapy. And I think you would too, based on the way you've acted on your other thread, and on this one. That is all I'm saying. I have no way of knowing whether you have a mh condition so I wouldn't comment on it.

Roseability - most people would not bring up a thread from a year ago. if you think you are challenging bullying by starting this thread, noone else does. your actions are the cause of posters querying your welfare.

BUT really does a minor conflict with a few strangers, most of whom will have forgotten most of it by tomorrow really matter that much? think of the things that matter to you. this is not important.

This thread is going around in circles and definitely not catching its tail.

Please hide it Rose, it's not helping you.

you have feelings. Fine. That doesn't mean everyone else is in the wrong and they're all big mean nasty bullys. If every other person is telling you are over-reacting, have you stopped to wonder if may...just maybe...you actually are?

i remember reading some of your first thread OP and i didnt post then as i tend to get bored if the OPs are refusing to accept any form of insight despite asking for it. Yours, i fear was one of those. From the get go, you were defensive, albeit understandably, and through the subsequent posts you became more and more aggressive and rude to well meant and extremely sensitive posters. Before anyone even started to react negatively towards you, you were snippy and reluctant to listen to any reason.

For at least half the thread the only person who was behaving in the least bit "frankly disgusting" was you.

That being said, you did have some genuine concerns and the advice you received was in the most part, good, sound advice. i would leave it at that as bringing it all up almost a year later is, to be frank, ridiculous. As others have said, this is an anonymous forum where you are more likely to get an honest, unbiased answer. whether you like that answer or even agree with it is beside the point.

Ummmm Roseability.

Request that MNHQ delete the original thread.
Request that they delete this thread too.

MN obviously isn't working for you as any kind of support - the joy of the internet is that there are so many different meeting places, you are almost guaranteed to find one that will be more suited to you.

Leave the people who hurt you (intentionally or not) to stew together on MN.