Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

No one bullied anyone

End of
No bullies
No cliques

Sorry I actually think there is a bit of victim mentality here.

I read it like this and I agree with squeakytoy

OP I read your whole previous thread. I see there were a few posts deleted (including one or two from you), so I guess I can't say that nothing untoward happened in it.

I will tell you though, you came across as hugely unpleasant in that thread, and in this one.

You state that you had narcissistic parents -- tbh you came across just as my mother (a woman with bpd whose dh, my father, is a narcissist) would have. Angry, disproportionately emotional, defensive and unable to allow anyone the last word, and keen to jump on as many people as possible for treating her "unfairly" or "rudely".

The fact that you've held a grudge, and then come back here to start this thread is also something she would do too.

If you have a therapist or counsellor sort of person in your life, can I suggest printing out your original thread, and this one, and sitting down with them to really sort through your motives and reactions? I think if you were honest with yourself, you might gain some insight into your behavior, which might help you come across better to people.

If you would prefer not to do that, then I gently suggest no longer seeking support on the internet. Anonymous forum participants don't owe you anything at all, least of all "people skills", or even empathy, so expecting impeccable behavior and answers perfectly honed to your needs is just not realistic.

OP firstly I'd like to say I'm delighted that there are no concerns for your son.
Thing is had there been then intervention a year ago would have lifted his whole life prognosis significantly. Early intervention has been proven to yield results. Denial causes vast difficulties in later life.

That said I'd like you to think about how your reactions to people sharing their life experiences with you was incredibly offensive. You reacted as if Autism was somehow repulsive. Can you not see how that would offend a parent to an Autistic child?

To start with all you got was concern. You threw that back in people's faces and acted like their family members were somehow hideous. That's why you got the responses you did.

I really don't understand how i suggested autism was hideous

i am truly sorry if that came across

OP - this is really foolish. Why have you done this? You were wrong then in your reaction and you're wrong now. I can see why sympathy was expressed for your ds. Is this what you do in RL relationships - wait for a few months then restart a whole argument because you can't let it go? Not an issue now when he's young but you will really fuck up your relationship with him when he's a teenager. Please reflect on YOU not on the behaviour of anybody else. If you really struggle with letting things go you might want to talk to your GP and see if you can access some NHS counselling to help manage this sort of stress.

Rose, the single fact that you started this thread a year after the original, demonstrates that you are vulnerable and have some emotional issues that it would be worth spending time reflecting on.

And not on the Internet.

I have read te4h thread you linked. So many posters were trying to help you. So many posters were reliving their experiences for you. You just got angry with them. Yet in the end you did the only thing posters suggested, which was have your DS assessed but you are angry that posters suggested it?
Be honest how many times have you re-read that thread in the last year? Maybe you should read it with a fresh pair of eyes.
Time to let it go.

Rose, really pleased it all turned out OK.

But I have to say that people were trying to give an objective view, based on what you said, and you blocked people's opinions and were very tetchy.

Unfortunately you drip fed information, did not lay out the things that the school had focussed on against your own counter observations, and were v emotional.

Mn is incredibly supportive and a mine of information - but it isn't a place where people just agree with and support a poster in a 'yes, yes', fluffy way if they seem to be asking for opnions and advice.

You seem highly strung.

Nothing wrong in that, but just because you are upset does not mean people are being nasty!

I really don't understand how i suggested autism was hideous

Because you exploded like you had a barrel of TNT under you when someone raised a concern that you interpreted as suggesting autism perhaps?

to me it came across that you were offended that the school had suggested that youre child had autism?
maybe i read wrong,i hope i did.as i said before i love if schools recognised/listened earlier.

Oikopolis - your post has upset me more than anyone's has on mumsnet

yes i did have an abusive childhood, which is why i cannot tolerate bullies

i have been through counselling, i am fine.

i have admitted i was wrong about somethings, i have said sorry to those i offended and i have thanked those that helped

the assessment was a great help. not because i can gloat about him being 'normal' (i never used that word) but actually i think he does have traits and well whilst obviously i am glad he has settled at school one thing i learnt on that thread was asd can manifest later

but not one person who hurt me has said sorry. i have been called names and attacked by some.

I'm really confused. You asked AIBU you were told yes if you only react to the way you were told. You were told very gently and nicely that ASDs are tricky and need assessment. You got you LO assessed. No ASD. Surely everything is great then. I've worked with people whose ASD was only diagnosed in adulthood and it's awful. Be happy. Really. Either DS was going to get an early diagnosis or he was not on the spectrum. All good.

Stop with the I told you so stuff and be happy.

Perhaps you haven't had quite enough counselling. They're not all out to get you.

Rose I don't know what you're hoping to get out of this. Your title says "justified" but the majority, if not ALL of us don't believe your anger is justified! You want apologies from strangers on the internet? Are you going to apologise for your rude and aggressive responses??

Paranoidandroid - seems an odd assertion given your user name!

Again

No one has bullied you...
Repeating it is not going I make it true

X -posted with you OP. If you have abuse issues and feel vulnerable in this type of forum, please don't post emotive, serious health issues online.

I've only read the first two pages of the previous thread so probably not enough to get a good enough feel for the story. But....I thought people were in general being kind, sympathetic and helpful. The OP seemed to be getting very upset over some very innocuous comments. I thought coldtit's calling the OP "love" was patronisIng but apart from that, I was expecting much worse.

Look - you're NOT fine. You're really not. I've just read right through your previous thread and together with this one - well come on I can see what Okiopolis is saying. You owe it to your family to be as well as you can be. Nobody can change the past, only the future, Can you honestly say that you're 'fine' when you're posting like this? You're a nurse - come on, assess yourself. What is the evidence that you need more support?

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