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AIBU?

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Original poster

Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

528 replies

Roseability · 13/01/2012 14:03

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 13/01/2012 23:15

As I said earlier, one to leave now everybody.

Don't let it be deleted.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 13/01/2012 23:18

MaryZ - some threads are really not worth putting your heart and soul into. It's not appreciated and you end up feeling very hurt. Come and have a Brew or Wine with me x

OP - on your original thread you were treat very kindly - far more kindly than you deserved given your replies to people. Every single poster was 'on your side', sympathetic and helpful and you threw it back in their faces... until eventually some people gave up because you were not listening to anyone and just ranting. Now you have started this - to heap more crap on people - the very people who shared their stories with you, the very people who do have children with SN (mostly). You owe them all a heartfelt apology, not a 6 year olds, 'I'll apologise if you do'.

I don't know how else to say this and I mean it in the nicest way possible - but you really would benefit from more counselling. It is plain to see that you have issues that you need to sort out and that you can't see that - it's really sad. See if your Dr will sign you up for some counselling and take print outs of these two threads with you, it will help them - help you.

Good luck.

TiggyD · 13/01/2012 23:18

The important thing to remember is that I've just opened a box of After Eights. Sure, it may only be one of the smaller boxes, but It'll keep me going for 4 or 5 days no problem. I've tried supermarket own brand versions but they're just the the same. The wizards must use different spells to get the filling in or something, if they use wizards of course, which they don't. I can't help but wonder if they'll ever do a special edition using white chocolate. Some people don't like the idea of minty white chocolate but I do, not that I'm racist or anything. I've just put out a Thorntons mint collection which is nice and varied and has a white chocolate truffle centred chocolate but it's not After Eight. At least It's not given me any nasty diseases or anything like rusty rats can.

ZacharyQuack · 13/01/2012 23:21

excellent tangent Tiggy

ReindeerBollocks · 13/01/2012 23:22

Oooh I love after eights Tiggy, are you sharing?

Glitterkitten · 13/01/2012 23:23

What an attention seeking OP.

That's all

ValarMorghulis · 13/01/2012 23:23

TiggyD - are you sure its just mint inside those chocs?

ljgibbs · 13/01/2012 23:25

YABU simply for starting a thread about a oldthread.

MsVestibule · 13/01/2012 23:26

After Eights? Bit downmarket, Tiggy. I only eat Elizabeth Shaw chocolate mints. Having said that, they don't have the fondant, sticky centre. Best have a box of each, just to be on the safe side.

GypsyMoth · 13/01/2012 23:26

Lol at posters saying 'time to leave it now' and nobody ever takes any notice!

working9while5 · 13/01/2012 23:28

"OP - on your original thread you were treat very kindly - far more kindly than you deserved given your replies to people. Every single poster was 'on your side', sympathetic and helpful and you threw it back in their faces... until eventually some people gave up because you were not listening to anyone and just ranting. Now you have started this - to heap more crap on people - the very people who shared their stories with you, the very people who do have children with SN (mostly). You owe them all a heartfelt apology, not a 6 year olds, 'I'll apologise if you do'."

I've just read the other thread and I don't actually think this is true. I think that the OP was treated with honesty which is not the same thing as kindness, and there are times when honesty is very, very hard to take.

Come on now people, this woman's mother had a severe mental illness, anger and terror are very related, there are all sorts of things that happen in life that can trigger all sorts of childhood traumas.. who knows what's going on here? I can think of about a hundred different reasons why this thread has played out as it has and why the last one did too, and from the most benign to the most malevolent, none of it warrants 16 pages of going on about how wonderful everyone but the OP was on the last thread. It's just not that black and white. There was a lot of nastiness on that thread that was unwarranted and to suggest it was all the OP seems unfair.

I've done this whole diagnostic process for autism with hundreds of families. It is a horrendous rollercoaster and all sorts of factors come into play. It's soulless and terrifying. No one tends to be thrilled about hearing their child has autism when they are first told about it, it's not particularly a reflection on their character. I have also, I have to say, been involved in cases where children have been referred for autism assessment for apparently no good reason which has just turned people's lives upside down. It's not always the case that a referral from nursery is appropriate.

I am not suggesting the OP was blameless or anything like it, or that she didn't say things that hurt others BUT it was her OP and she WAS sensitive and we don't know what is, or was, going on with her child that made her react in such an angry, unmeasured way.

This is a fecking car-crash of a thread.

Kladdkaka · 13/01/2012 23:28

OMG I ate an entire Thornton's Mint Collection t'other day. Couldn't sleep that night because of the reflux but it was worth it. Peppermint creams mmmmm.

bibbitybobbityhat · 13/01/2012 23:30

Olympia - I'm just suggesting it should be left now because otherwise it will be deleted.

And when threads are deleted the truth and the plain bald facts go with them.

lisaro · 13/01/2012 23:31

But I bet your farts were minty fresh, Kaddkaka.

Maryz · 13/01/2012 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisaro · 13/01/2012 23:32

(surreptitiously adds missing 'L').

TiggyD · 13/01/2012 23:32

I've licked them Reindeer Bollocks. (Hmm. That needed better punctuation than I gave it)

Could be some kind of semen Valar. Pandas look like they might have minty semen but they don't produce enough to keep the After Eight company in filling. Unless...that's way they don't reproduce! All their cum is stolen by After Eight workers to make chocolates out of! But that would require After Eight workers to dress up as pandas to...[http://oopsiedaisy.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54f9290b988340147e080e1cd970b-pi holy cow!!!]

ThatVikRinA22 · 13/01/2012 23:32

....

best for me not to say anything more really as i cant seem to find my usual eloquence...if indeed i have any usual eloquence....i got a post deleted, so it must have left me some time ago.

i did actually hide the original thread to stop me from going back and posting on it after it appeared to go tits up.

denial helps no one in the end.

seeing a speech and language therapist actually means sod all, a multi disciplinary approach is best with regard to ASDs anyway, but by far the most helpful thing in dealing with any child or parent of a child with possible SEN is humility, understanding and kindness.

which the op failed to show any of in startling fashion. in fact, this thread is just insulting and offensive, to me, my experiences that i tried to share, and to my boy, who in the eyes of the OP is sullied in some way, but to me, is amazing, because he had to work twice as hard to get just as far as anyone else in life.

and he has. he is doing a degree. he is working part time. and he is quite simply the person i think i admire most in the entire world.

so bollocks to it actually.

ThatVikRinA22 · 13/01/2012 23:33

....

best for me not to say anything more really as i cant seem to find my usual eloquence...if indeed i have any usual eloquence....i got a post deleted, so it must have left me some time ago.

i did actually hide the original thread to stop me from going back and posting on it after it appeared to go tits up.

denial helps no one in the end.

seeing a speech and language therapist actually means sod all, a multi disciplinary approach is best with regard to ASDs anyway, but by far the most helpful thing in dealing with any child or parent of a child with possible SEN is humility, understanding and kindness.

which the op failed to show any of in startling fashion. in fact, this thread is just insulting and offensive, to me, my experiences that i tried to share, and to my boy, who in the eyes of the OP is sullied in some way, but to me, is amazing, because he had to work twice as hard to get just as far as anyone else in life.

and he has. he is doing a degree. he is working part time. and he is quite simply the person i think i admire most in the entire world.

so bollocks to it actually.

Pandemoniaa · 13/01/2012 23:33

I've had a helluvan evening too. If only I had some of those handmade chocolate violet creams the posh chocolate shop in town stock.

ThatVikRinA22 · 13/01/2012 23:34

whoops. must have felt strongly enough to post twice.

Kladdkaka · 13/01/2012 23:36

Working9while5 I can hand on heart say I was thrilled when autism was first mentioned with regards to my child. I cried tears of joy when she was finally diagnosed.

ValarMorghulis · 13/01/2012 23:37

I think i might be missing something somewhere.

There is obviously a whole heap of stuff that I am unaware of.

ThatVikRinA22 · 13/01/2012 23:37

whoops. is there an echo?

echo

echo....
internet playing up...posted twice.

ValarMorghulis · 13/01/2012 23:39

Kladdkaka - can relate to that. Finally knowing that you aren't just a shitty mother and that you were right all along. A feeling of relief that your fight for recognition is finally over....for this battle at least

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