Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

clam

I notice the apology has only been one way so far though

OP, I definitely don't think you're a "nasty twat". Saying sorry was good of you.

It's clear from what little you have posted about your own history that you had a very tough childhood. Yet you have managed to move on and you are fiercely committed to your DS. That is laudable.

Misunderstanding people on the internet, and/or being misunderstood by them, is not that important at the end of the day. Most of us are decent people. Human and imperfect, but decent. That's all.

It's OK. Really.

Actually, didn't a number of people on the original thread say they were sorry your feelings had been hurt?

Looking for the perfect apology a year on (in the famously prickly AIBU forum, of all places!) is unlikely to make you happy. I think you should take people in good faith when they say that they didn't mean to hurt you.

Rose, you were never going to come on AIBU and get an apology. You won't get the closure you need here.

I don't get why you have bought up a thread from over a year ago simply to say "you were mean to me but i still think you were all wrong"

its just a bit weird surely

I think, Valar, it's because OP felt so aggrieved, and so hurt in a way that to her was just so self-evidently wrong, that she genuinely believed she would post here and have some sort of apologetic/sympathetic reaction.

On the other hand, I think to a certain extent she is seeking out a kicking.

However, the use of words like "weird" and "deranged" about behaviour that doesn't make sense to most of us is uncomfortable for me, as someone who works with people who have a range of mental health needs, developmental difference and/or who have suffered abuse in their pasts. It's not typical for most people, no, but it's time to stop kicking the OP down for entertainment, I think.

I must have opted out of the first thread without posting, and don't understand what the OP hopes to gain from this one. My son never had S & L issues, but like vicar's delightful boy, he's still an Aspie.
Didn't get a dx until he was 9.
I don't understand what benefit you are getting from starting or remaining on this thread, Roseability. How is it helping you or anyone else?

'You don't apologise to get an apology back. You apologise because you are sorry, if you are'

It sounds like the sort of conversations, explanations and interpretations I have with my son, Maryz. When he is bewildered by the fact that the world doesn't make sense to him, and he doesn't understand other people's reactions or expectations.

I usually would avoid threads like this, but having read the full link and this one too, I have to say that I think the OP received kindness and great advice in the first thread, to which she responded incredibly negatively. Any thanks you gave OP was only to those who backed your opinion, and it was in a rally passively aggressive way as if to get at everyone else who didn't.

I have no SN in my family, no axe to grind as it were, and I was offended by you OP. You really did imply that a diagnosis or even a suggestion of autism was a massive insult to your son. I am, of course, pleased to hear that he is doing well. Although I suspect you won't process that bit of this post.

What I really wanted to say, particularly to Maryz, was that I've been really impressed with the patience that other posters have shown to the OP, despite her attitude. A thread that was meant to show us all how awful MN is has instead shown me it's really full of well meaning, decent folk..

Oh, and he's my first ever.... YABU

Maryz, I haven't read the whole of the other thread (and don't plan to) but I thought some of your posts there were incredibly moving.

Working9while5 your words are kind but that is the way i feel about other posters who have been name called and hounded for fun by the 'banter brigade'. One i pmd with, she was vulnerable yes, but she did not deserve the nasty shit that got thrown at her

it struck me that a poster did get banned recently. it seems mumsnet hq do recognise when it goes too far.

maryz my gripe is not with you. if i have caused you that much hurt sorry, and no i don't expect one back

Mumsnet, I really think this thread is damaging and should be deleted.

^ What Abird said, please.

aarrgghhhh

Jesus wept.

Rose - do you want me to get into it with you? Do you?

This whole thread has upset many posters and your continued banging of the same drum you've been banging for YEARS is tiring and inappropriate.

I cannot believe that you're as insensitive as you're coming across but I am left with no option other than to come to the conclusion that you are setting out deliberately to put the cat amongst the pigeons.

I have reported this and also gone back and reported a shitload of similar posts during the past year.

Pack it in now. You've had your say and been vile and BULLYING to plenty of people - enough to make the slate even in my opinion - you complain about bullying here while doing the very thing you are accusing others of - it's pretty sickening.

(oh and to prevent sock puppetry accusations I am ShirleyKnot, ShirtyShirley and now this name)

Rose.... Who was banned? And how do you know, you say you haven't been here for a year?!

"It sounds like the sort of conversations, explanations and interpretations I have with my son, Maryz. When he is bewildered by the fact that the world doesn't make sense to him, and he doesn't understand other people's reactions or expectations."

Yes. I think this whole thing is thorny for a variety of reasons, including the above. I've hesitated posting this.. OP has said she had abusive past, for one. That can trigger particular reactions to situations that some people can understand and others find bizarre. Lots of parents react explosively when SN are mentioned in relation to their child and it's not necessarily related to any particular chastisement of SN, it's not an objective thing, it's visceral and personal. I have seen this many times. Finally, very many people who go through the diagnostic pathway are discharged in early childhood and may be flagged up to go through again, speech and language discharge isn't really something definitive.

Rose, please walk away. Please, please walk away. This is not going to help you or anyone else.

I would really like to see this thread pulled. It just doesn't sit right with me on so many levels. I really don't know what's going on here but this is just... terrible.

why was Shirley "dragged into this"?
(genuin question. why is she any different to the hundred odd other posters on the thread)

I do agree that it would appear that the OP here has a bit of an axe to grind and has deliberately posted knowing she will get told she is behaving badly and hoped for a strong reaction. I guess she wanted to get shouted down so that she could make further accusations of bullying and "vipers nest"

bit sad don't you think?

I'm quite surprised by your reactions in the first thread OP. Not so surprised by your responses in this thread though.

Mumsnet is a nice place generally, and you were initially given a great deal of support, when all you actually wanted is someone to tell you that you and your amazingly connected family were right and your son is perfect. That didn't happen and you got quite upset.

What I suggest you do is just be happy that your son has been assessed and is doing well. There is no need to hold such hostility against MN for that thread when you were equally guilty. So name change and leave it all behind you or leave all together. It won't end well just staying and arguing the toss, as it will upset people who you have insulted too.

What fresh hell is this?

Yikes! Worms... can.... open.... everywhere!!!!!!!