Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

Rose - you are right, some posters are sometimes mean and aggressive in their manner. No-one can dispute this.

You need to look at how much head room you are giving to people who you feel have been mean to you. It is really unusual to be so upset about something like this after so much time. From your point of view they were nasty and wrong - but even then - it was a year ago. Don't let strangers have so much control over your emotions.

I am glad your son is doing well at school, btw.

I don't think you are rose as you are getting more wound up by it all, and dragging up the past is not healthy at all! If you found those on the previous thread to be rude, than MN is not for you, and take a step back or change the way in which you post and come across.

I think you are a bit off in your perceptions there, really. I'm going to have to hide this as it's quite distressing seeing you create all this, and the upset that it is causing you and other posters. I'm reporting it to: I do t think this is a healthy use of MN at all, and it seems to be running quite counter to the remit of making anybody's life easier.

YABmassivelyU

This happened a YEAR ago? And you've started a thread about that thread?

Why? Move on......

I always tell it straight if that comes across as anything other than honest so be it.

I didn't post on your first thread as I know nothing about SN.

Bizarre then, bizarre now. FFs let it go. And yes, YABU.

If you don't care why are you posting about it almost one year after the thread?

God, my typing is rubbish, sorry. Who is goading and bullying, specifically?

Rose I just don't think that you are understanding why you are getting the type of reply that you are getting.

You say that you started this thread because some posters are aggressive in their manner. The thing is that you are aggressive in your manner also.

You have started a provocative thread and then have responded in the same snappy, argumentative way that you did in the original thread. This thread was only ever going to go one way - and it wasn't going to be good.

Your posting style is such that I would imagine most of your threads will go the same way, to greater or lesser extents, so I think you might want to really think about whether MN is suited to you and whether you have anything to gain from posting here. It seems to have upset you greatly which is a real shame, but if it only causes pain and upset I think its not for you.

Me too lebof for OPs sake and everyone else's. Won't end well

Maybe it's the problem with the text we read. It's well known we cannot see or hear the person who is saying what they are writing, so therefore someone may think in their head they are coming across nice as they are using a nice tone with lightheartedness. But another poster will read it as being rude and aggressive.

That's what happens on internet forums and why misunderstandings happen. You do need to let go off the past. It will eat away at you forever otherwise. I also believe if you've read it as someone being rude to you and they don't then maybe they won't feel they need to apologise. You may wait a long time if you do want apologies.

I truly hope you can move on and enjoy life without worrying about internet forums and how people come across on them.

thankyou, roseability. I think this thread would have run very differently if you had put that in your OP, along with the fact your ds has been assessed, doing well, etc.

do you see why so many posters have thought this thread misguided? and misjudged in tone, perhaps?

Rose this is madness!!

everyoneelse meet you all back here next year!!

If you had started this thread in Chat and said something like "Some of you may remember this old thread [link], you will be pleased to hear that my DS has been assessed and is fine", you would have had lots of posters popping by to give you a pat on the back and a bit of a cheer because they are genuinely pleased that you have had such a positive outcome.

Unfortunately the tone of your post means that all those warm wishes have been lost, which can't really be the result you wanted. Is it?

i was on the original thread, up until i hid it a few pages in.

i dont think i am rude or aggressive, but was merely trying to help a fellow poster who had issues raised about her son which i could have related to.

rose - would you like me to say "ok you win", cos you do. you win and i hope youre very happy.

i got the booby prize in your eyes then, i got a son with SN.....

i shall hide this, as i did the last one before i say something i have never ever said on MN before, it starts with F and ends with OFF.

oh and btw - my son was also assessed by speech and language and discharged.

he still has aspergers though.

What would make it end well then?

if i said okay i am a monumental twat? deluded, paranoid, agressive?

oh and thank you for pointing this out it has really turned my life around

i am really okay. i have a lovely dh and two wonderful kids

it always amuses me that those that claim they felt bullied end up being accused of being a bully themselves. but that is actually projection and a common tact used by such

i know posters who left here quite hurt. but they are only people behind a screen after all

I think there are some posters on MN who goad and bully - a small minority out of the million or so members.
But not on this thread - or your previous one. From what I've read, people were trying to help, by sharing their experiences and suggesting you get your son assessed and ask for more feedback from school and so on. Very early on you started coming across as stroppy, and wilfully misunderstanding people's intentions.

Let this lie now. And consider switching to netmums.

I know posters who try, in the face of insults, aggression, and abject horror that it might be possible to end up with children like theirs, to help out people who pop up with queries.

sometimes, those people are even grateful for the advice (especially if it helps fill in unknown blanks)

other times, they are just rude and aggressive.

oh well.

in the main, those posters I was talking about still try to help. but I probably won't anymore.

because it doesn't get any easier to see the sheer glee with which some posters hasten back to point out that it is ok! their child isnt like that after all. and try to blame the posters for err, suggesting that maybe an assessment would rule out anything that was being worried about

OP you're very manipulative but unfortunately you're not very good at it and you're on MUMsnet. Mums deal with that behaviour frequently, so you're not having any effect. The 'pity me i'm sad, you upset me' is more suited to a nursery. Added to the other emotional maturity issues and possible unresolved anger issues makes you seem very unpleasant, when actually, you're very sad. I say this with the best of intentions - get help, or we'll be seeing you in the papers one day.

Nice way to go vicar.i was actually about to say sorry but i never saw it as a 'booby prize'

i just want my ds to be happy. you sound very bitter yourself