AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

Howling and Mince I agree - agree to disagree. Telling a mother or mothers who have done their research that what they are doing is wrong or abusive or sick is out of order. I don't agree with smacking and I don't let my children have fastfood but I have friends who do both. I'm not about to tell them they are wrong, their child, their choice.

Can't bear to read the whole of this thread.

OP - YANBU to be surprised as it is sadly rare for mothers who breastfeed to allow their children to self wean. But surprise at that and attacks on those who do chose to let their children self wean are two very different things.

Why oh why is it any of anyone else's business. It's so tedious to hear people spout crap about validation of the mother

And BTW the WHO guidelines are not based just on studies from the developing world but from developed countries too.

I'm out. I hate the way you explain and then people continue to ask the same questions and go round in circles in these threads.

They can't latch past 7 or 8. So "Would you still do it if they were a teenager?" is a totally pointless question.

No, there's no particular reason to keep doing it. Can you give me a decent reason to stop when the child is obviously continuing to derive happiness, comfort and nutritional benefits from it? Other than "because it's weird", because that isn't a logical reason.

(And yes it might not be a necessary part of their diet like it was when they are babies, but neither is cheese, or meat, or carrots, and nobody cuts them out just because they can get the same nutrients elsewhere.)

For the poster who asked if breastmilk is too sugary - no it isn't, it does contain natural sugars (lactose) which can cause tooth decay, as many foods can, but it also has peculiar properties which mean that on clean teeth, it actually helps strengthen tooth enamel. However mixed with other foodstuffs it can cause problems, but it certainly isn't as bad as giving them coke as a particular "expert" once announced on breakfast television. It's no worse than many other foods that children consume over the course of a normal day, fruits and vegetables for example. Summary of research on this here

But quite frankly who gives a shit? saves on buying cow's milk

Not that I'm aware of Rhonda - would be interesting to get the stats. I don't HE but that's because of my health and DS1's preference. I had planned to but I have dreads and dress like a hippie and cosleep etc and don't want to conform to too many stereotypes

And what on earth does when a child might start her periods have to do with breastfeeding?

BertieBotts - love your last post. :)

I would imagine there is a correlation just based on a local sample where the two groups do seem to overlap, but it's by no means exclusive. Why do you wonder? I expect there are many reasons for choosing either, some of which will be related.

But WoTmania, can't you see it is not in your child's best interests to keep it up at that age? Don't you even care about the psychological aspect of it? It's not healthy for you and your child, and I'm not talking about nutritionally.
Oh and you've ignored what I said again - you're all for self weaning. OK. So what happens if your child shows NO sign of wanting to stop? Do you carry on into teens? Adulthood? Or will you actually step up then and encourage them off it?
If you would stop them being 18 and still wanting boob, what's the difference between self weaning then, and now?
Or would you still let them?!

It was me asked about teeth earlier Bertie. Thanks for that - I was sure I read once it was particularly bad for teeth especially after a certain age.

I'm wondering if this is a complete lifestyle and life view choice, thus if anyone can tell me about home schooling? I'm thinking my seven year old in a class of other seven year olds would be teased mercilessly if she did it.

I'm also thinking that it's not really very practical for a lot of us who have cares and other things going on. Its definitely not for me but I am really interested in the other viewpoint as long as no one is going to start telling me I have damaged myvy intelligent well balanced and healthy children by not breastfeeding them past a year.

Sorry hope I explained why I wonder there- I think it would make things difficult for a child in mainstream schooling, plus I'm wondering if it's an overall lifestyle choice that goes with it.

Wot, I can frequently be found dressed as as a bit of a hippy myself at weekends....

Let me be the judge of what's healthy. You clearly know nothing about it and haven't read any of my previous posts - I've addressed the whole 'teenage' question further up.

DoingHousework, have you read the four or five times it's been pointed out now that they lose the ability to latch at 7 or 8?

Seriously, why?? Why is it unhealthy? Why is it not in their best interests? Why is such a harmless, not bothering anybody else, been done for centuries, physiologically NORMAL practice so hated? What could possibly be harmful about it, unless you're suggesting it's somehow sexual, in which case

DoingHousework Please, please see Bertie's post above - they will not latch on as teenagers!! In my eyes under 7 is still a young child.

And what do you mean by the "psychological aspect of it" - are we talking breast = sexual object again? Because that is uninformed and insulting!

x post Bertie

Anyway again: they aren't teenagers, even a 6yo (which this child is) has to DOUBLE in age before they are a teen.

They lose the ability to latch well before teenage years.

No it's not a complete lifestyle choice. It's something which happens at home, in private, at bedtime for the most part (as far as I can tell anyway) and older children are usually perfectly happy to go without for a few days at a time if you're not around or just if they're distracted or don't feel like it or whatever. And by the time you get past 2 years your supply is pretty much nuclear-proof.

I don't think it would pose a problem in school because it is such a normal part of life to most children that they don't feel it worthy of a mention. It's not like they're going to ask for it at hometime... DS has just started nursery and is struggling a little with drop offs, this morning they did something different to how he was expecting when I was about to leave and I could see that he wanted to have milk, just by his body language, nothing obvious like him pulling at my clothes or anything, but he didn't ask and I didn't offer, we had a hug and he ran off and joined in and was fine. I don't know whether he felt self conscious or noticed none of the other children were having milk or just from general toddler groups when he was younger when I would say no, wait until we get home.

So, if they lose the ability to latch on at the age of 7 or 8, how do you explain the poster on here who did it at 9? Or the one in a well known woman's magazine a while back now that breastfed their 14 year old?
It obviously still happens way past the age of 7 and 8.
Breastfeeding IS normal, I never said it wasn't. It's a perfectly natural thing to do. The practice of feeding such old children IS completely abnormal though.
It's bordering on sick, (as in disturbing, not sexual so you can keep your biscuit to yourself, ta.)
How can any sane person think feeding at the age of 9 upwards is normal? It's not healthy, and you can try and justify yourselves as much as you like but it's wrong.
And yet again, if you're all for self weaning route, when do you let them self wean then? Teens? Adulthood? Or do you just carry on, and they're wanting a bit of mum's boob after a stressful day at high school/in the office?
NOT being flippant, just curious as to where you'd step in and decide to self wean - and if you would, what's the difference between doing it now or as a teenager/adult?
When do you let go?
(Feeling like a stuck record here!)

The 'psychological' aspect? Hmmmm, so who has the bigger psychological issues the child feeding as nature intended or the adult so hostile and aggressive towards another mother?

There is incidentally no way to persuade a child who wished to wean that they should continue to latch and nurse. There is no reason to imagine a child will fail to wean, it's developmental like everything else.

Just seen that other post - well if they can't latch past the age of 8, then what the bleedin' hell are 9 year olds doing sucking mum then? They obviously CAN breastfeed, so don't know what you're on about as some have already said they have done it to the age of 9. A mum has been in magazines admitting to breastfeeding their 14 year old before. It's obviously just a habit then.
It's blatantly not for nutritional benefit, so that's blown out of the water! It's all to do with their and yours emotional state, and psychological needs.

Ta Bertie - so what happened in the OP would actually be really unusual?

I think your post has made me clearer on a reason its not for me. I'm sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick but was your DS looking for milk for reassurance - not looking but ykwim? I think I would be happier in that situation having moved onto cuddles for reassurance because you can cuddle anywhere and there are definitely situations where feeding isn't appropriate or possible with an older child? I'm not communicating this well - I don't mean you don't cuddle him for reassurance too!

I promise you I will not be giving DD a breastfeed after she has had a hard day in the office

As children grow into adults they become less physically close to their parents - a 7 year old will want many more cuddles than a 15 year old. There's no need to force this, it will happen naturally. The same with breastfeeding imo.

I hate to wade in but here goes:-

DD1 bf until she was 3.6y. She self weaned early as she got the gaps for her back molars very early - the shape of her mouth changed and her tongue no longer made the right movements to latch on. She had all 4 of her adult molars by 4.9. Her dentist though she was 6 or 7 (in school uniform and is tall).

Do you know who cried that last time she tried to nurse? Not me, my DH. He cried as the last of what she had done as a baby was gone (even though for him at least he didn't feel bfing was just for babies), he had fought so much for her to be bf and done so much to help me bf her that it was the end of an era for him (he, in no way, has ever tried to get her to bf when she didn't want to nor did he ever try to get her to continue to bf).

DD2 is nursing at 4.2 - she has HMS and spent most of last year in agony as she had Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis, the painkillers ate away at her stomach leaving her permanently nauseous and with little appetite. Guess what helped her? Nursing - she nursed as much as she liked and it eased the pain, it also mean she didn't lose weight or stop growing as what might have happened if I wasn't nursing her.

I have nursing aversions (I don't often admit it as I feel ashamed that I feel this way) and I hate nursing her (again something I don't admit and I am crying at posting this) I have done since she was a tiny baby but pushed through for her sake BUT she needs it for pain relief, to relax after a hard day and when she has the JIA, when she struggled out of bed, her legs bent in agony, knees and feet bloated with inflammation, redness marring her perfect skin and asked for Mama Bah I damn well gave it to her regardless of how I felt.

Who the hell could look at her aching body, while she tried to vomit in pain from her meds, and say 'No, you may not have Mama Bah, you are too old for it, I don't care if you need it and it takes your pain away, people on the internet say it's creepy and wrong and disgusting and it's all about my needs not yours.'

I don't want everyone to bf, or force people to bf, I want people to leave natural termers alone, it's a hard lonely place, is this country to bf until your child doesn't want it without having nursing aversions (and before anyone says it - it's not because of her age, it's dates back to a terrible appt with a psychiatrist when she was 7wks old before that I was fine, I had it with DD1 in similar circumstances, I haven't had NA with DD3 as those circs. have never occurred with her and she is 2.3y) so please be kind.

Losing the ability to suckle is to do with the adult molars:

'In a group of 21 species of non-human primates (monkeys and apes) studied by Holly Smith, she found that the offspring were weaned at the same time they were getting their first permanent molars. In humans, that would be: 5.5-6.0 years.'

My cousin didn't get these til she was 10, we all develop at different rates.

You keep moving the goal posts; one minute it's nursing a 6/7 yo then it's nursing a 14 yo. Which age do you object to? And if the magazine article is the one I'm thinking of then it's hardly known for it's informed peices is it?

As to wean I would step in and encourage weaning? I have no idea, I haven't got to that point yet. I'm already doing 'don't offer don't refuse' which is a an accepted gentle weaning method.

TruthSweet - insightful and moving post. Thanks for sharing.