AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

I can see why you think that mince and of course in an ideal world everyone would just be a lot more tolerant. If you do it right I don't see why your child would think it was shameful rather than just something done at home. IME they really just don't talk about it, even at preschool age. Maybe because they don't associate it with school and there is so much else going on?

Some benefits are that still receive the immune boost (the human immune system doesn't reach 'full capacity' until the age of 6-7), it's a way of touching base and reconnecting with their mum, some children just need that a little bit longer and I feel it's better than, say, thumbsucking for comfort.
Because it's so rare in the West (mind you probably not as rare as you'd think - lots of mothers see me BF DD and then go on to tell me how loing they BF their toddler for and didn't dare tell anyone. I bet it's similar with much older nurslings) the research jsut hasn'tbeen done into the benefits but the general thought is that there benefits whatever the age.

On the whole though I think it's more a case of justifying why they shouldn't be allowed to.

WoTmania - a long way back now, but I thought HIV-positive mothers were not supposed to BF to avoid passing on the infection?

'A way of touching base and re-connecting with mum?' Oh, please. Mums do that with NORMAL ways of connecting with their older children (note, older children, not babies or toddlers.
Your 7 year old would appreciate hugs, kisses, cuddles and time spent with them just as much.
Why does it have to be about whopping your boob out for them? It's disturbing that some are so reluctant to let them grow.

Wil there ever be a time when women stop judging women on how they bring up their kids. It's a very european thing imo.

There are a few diseases that can be passed through BM - iirc the current advice with HIV+ mothers is either to FF or, in the case of mothers in the developing world (think water contamination etc) ,to Exclusively BF for the first 6 months then abrupty wean as as soon as anything else is introduced the protective effect of BF is compromised.
I very much doubt that the milk of any one with HIV or any other infectious disease would be used in food.

DoingHousework - please stop with the inflammatory, language: 'whopping your boob out for them'? Seriously? - that's an awful phrase usually favoured by the Daily Fail.
It's not reluctance to let them grow up, it's allowing them to self-wean and grow up at their own pace. If mother and child are fine with it why is what someone else is doing such a problem for you? Have you paid any attention to what the people who have actually got experience of it say?

GiveitaGo I couldn't care less how other people raise their children. It's up to the individual how they parent. When a mum is putting her own needs above the welfare of their child though, I do feel the need to speak up.
Because, people can argue and try to justify themselves until they're blue in the face, but when it comes down to it at the end of the day you are doing it for YOU. Not your child.
At 7 your child should be having a varied enough diet not to need breastmilk. Yes, it's full of vitamins, and antibodies blah blah blah, but if you're feeding your child properly in the first place then they don't need it.

What food has antibodies in it? Other than breast milk, I mean.

I'm trying to think what substitute food could give antibodies.

Who knows? Maybe we are meant to bf until 7. Who knows? We certainly don't. I am amazed by all the certainty on here saying we're not meant to. How the hell do you know?

I can assure you I'm not doing it for me.

sorry but...7 breast feeding? Gross!

Nah - doing - lots women in other countries breastfeed much longer than us. So what.

It might be the needs of the child in other countries, but just because we have other options here doesn't mean we have to take them up.

Who are we to judge. If a woman's breast can support milk until that age that tells me it a natural thing for her and her child.

I remember my bf telling another friend she looked very odd feeding her one year old. Her friend agreed, felt uncomfortable and so gave up breast feeding at that point. Because it looked odd.

Nice side-step of my comments there, WoTmania, I see you've ignored what I've actually said, as in there are ways of comforting older children without having them still sucking your boob.
Does it really matter what language I use? Yes it might have been crass, and I apologise, but what else would you call it? As that is what you are doing.
If your child wanted to carry on into their teens breastfeeding, would you let them? You know, all in the interest of self weaning and all that? Carry on above and beyond teens into David Walliam's 'bitty sketch?'
Not meaning to sound trivial, but my point is where do you put an end to it? You're quite happy to let them carry on and on.
As a mum, one of the jobs is to encourage you children to grow, not be forever attached to your boob. You'd seriously let them carry on and on if they showed no sign of wanting to wean?
Let go a bit, and think of your children's needs and right to be a person in their own right, and not just an extension of you.

I've got my seven year old daughter in front of me right now, eating her huge plate of pasta, and I'm thinking about this, and for me, I would no more want to breast feed her now than I would want to change a nappy for her.

So having considered it, for me it's a massive no. And I would genuinely worry about the psychological effects in our society of doing it. So yes there is a social pressure and norms aspect to what I am saying, but there is to all our choices. A seven year old is old enough to be very aware of what it's doing and that it's peers aren't.

Three or four year olds I would maybe think differently.

Is there any recognised nutritional advantages to breastfeeding past a year? In out society, where we have good quality food freely available?

I didn't side-step your comments. I said: 'It's not reluctance to let them grow up, it's allowing them to self-wean and grow up at their own pace. If mother and child are fine with it why is what someone else is doing such a problem for you? Have you paid any attention to what the people who have actually got experience of it say?'

YANBU. A nearly 7-year-old should be able to receive all nutrition and emotional comfort from other sources. Treating a child of that age like an infant would not be a path I personally would go down.

I'm always amused by people bandying about the worldwide statistics of breastfeeding. Do they really believe that women in developing countries choose to breastfeed for years because they want to? It is simply a practical alternative if you live in a situation of extreme poverty and insecurity WRT food. I feel quite confident that most women with access to plentiful, nutritious food for their children would opt to wean long before their children reach the age of 4 or 5. And in fact, that is what most women in developed countries choose to do.

I think people need to learn to get their points across without being nasty and insulting. I think this is a very sensitive subject for alot of women and throwing words like gross, abuse and disturbing about really doesn't help your case.

It is not something I would consider doing myself (note my previous posts here) but I don't see the point of insulting women who do. This thread seems to be six to one and half a dozen to the other as far as opinions go and there have been some good points from both sides so why bring the whole thread down? It just makes people become defensive and we learn nothing. BAH!

Well said howling. I don't happen to agree with a lot of the posters sentiments, but they are eloquent and interesting. We are never all going to agree, but don't think it's too much to ask to be civil

Read the Kathy Dettwyler link upthread - the normal weaning window for a human is anywhere between 2.5 and 7/8 years.
A 6 yo is very different to a teen - your talking about doubling their age. I have no idea how long they will carry on for and if any mother felt uncomfortable I'd happily support their decision to encourage weaning. It's highly unlikely that a child of that age would want to nurse and they lose the ability to suckle before that in any case so that question isn't so much trivial as irrelevant.

Rhonda - yes there are, the WHO recommend at least 2 years for Europe there are definite benefits nutritionally especially when they are active toddlers.
Nursing isn't just about nutririon though.

I'm going to say something really contentious. Past a certain point breastfeeding has nothing to do with the child and everything to do with the mother getting validation of her ability to be a mother.

I know people who breastfeed to two years because of WHO and whilst I feel sure that this recommendation is not reflective of the needs of people who live in the developed world I can understand why someone might want to do it. However, I can't understand why someone would want to go further - there is a point when it is natural to give up and when a child loses interest. In order to get to age 7 the mother would surely have had to make her child override that natural point many times.

Sorry - that last was in response to doingHousework's post thread moved on quickly

I'm looking at the who stuff - I am always genuinely interested in other peoples views unless it's just wrong ie immoral illegal damaging etc - and I see they say no dummies. I loathe dummies but I see they are now recommended to reduce SIDS.

It's a side issues, sorry, but the advice is always so contradictory. And yes I know about dummies interfering with the way babies suckle, I'm a strong breastfeeding advocate.

It's bound to have all kicked off by the time I've typed this...sorry...just musing...

onelittlefish - that has been answered a number of times but here goes: You can't force a child to BF.

'In order to get to age 7 the mother would surely have had to make her child override that natural point many times.' - well, no, quite simply. I can't speak for the mother in question obviously but IME this isn't how it happens. Those children who self-wean earlier than this just do it and those who self-wean a little later just wean a little later.

In my case it has nothing to do with my wants or needs. I just haven't made my children stop before they wanted to. DS2 gradually wound down til he was nursing maybe once a fortnight, I couldn't tell you when he last nursed because he just never asked again so there was no 'last feed' to remember. If anything it was a relief.

Another genuine question - is there a correlation between breastfeeding and home schooling?

Sorry extended breastfeeding.

YANBU to be surprised as its not the norm in this country anyway.