AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

There were only 2 questions. Was she unreasonable to be surprised and wouldn't the DC get teased?
People lost the plot, at one point I was told to go away, or words to that effect, because people found it useful to hear experiences of extended bfeeding as if it was on that board and not AIBU. (why not start their own in the right place?)

All I established was that it was rare. I counted 2 people on the thread who did it to that age. The one that answered my questions was quite specific that her DC's friends didn't know and she never did it in front of anyone. My guess was that by that age she saw it as a private thing and not something you mentioned in case your were teased because it is unusual.

Therefore I would conclude that OP would be surprised and the child might well be teased.

Mongolia, boiling kettles, self weaning, the benefits of bfeeding and 3/4yr olds were all totally irrelevant. I only posted my link because having mentioned seeing a TV programme, showing it happened, some asked me to-I didn't volunteer it.

Erm that's not strictly true exoticfruits.

Did you not make claims how the mothers who do extended bf are deficient because they are clearly needy and are doing it for themselves not their children?

I think that is how the debate began to broaden.

Not one person on this thread claimed superior parenting because they bf'd. That is fantasy.

I suppose you are technically correct as it was not just one person.

No doubt you will also claim that there was no abuse or insulting of people who disagreed either.

OP I don't think you should have to steer clear of any threads on Mumsnet, there is free speech allowed here and one of the strengths MN has is that difficult and contentious questions are raised, and explored through healthy discussion.

Some posters get rude and you can report those posts and MN usually delete them. Some people feel put upon but that's partly because they are being defensive. this is all part of the discussion process so you shouldn't feel bad to post this.

Your post has been very useful and I for one am glad you asked the question. Many issues have been raised and areas explored. It's clear that research on the benefits/disadvantages of extended breastfeeding needs to be made.

I admit to getting right off the path-mainly because I was shocked by my video-someone who puts their DC before several million viewers must be needy in some way and can't claim to be doing it in the DCs interest!
I wouldn't let mine go on TV at all, I think exposing them on Super Nanny etc is just as bad, I am all for getting help, but not as other people's evening entertainment.

However we digress again.

That is precisely why I was surprised, exotic, when you brought in the example of children unable to hang up their coats as somehow analogous, and asked aviatrix what level of independence she expected from her child.
And in your 16:06 post you said "It also doesn't seem so bad to me if you also do age appropriate things and teach them to use a kettle safely to make a hot drink. I suspect that they don't."

This is more than establishing that extended breastfeeding is rare: it is definitely suggesting that you think it is linked to general overprotectiveness in our society.

Which may well be the case- but I would like to see some evidence, please, not just what you suspect.

To me, it would be just as reasonable to posit that the most conventional parents are likely to be the most over-protective as they are the most likely to follow the general trend of society. But it's still all speculation.

I have no problem with the argument that breastfeeding could lead to someone being teased; I just don't see how it bears on general independence. For me, it's about the level of the discussion, not about whether extended breastfeeding is desirable in itself.

I sometimes get carried away cory-especially when I get annoyed with people! I was just as guilty of having no relevance. It is never a good idea to post without thought! I let my general irritation with parents flow over into something that had nothing to do with it.
I was just as bad at getting off course from the original question-at one point I forgot what it was-a great problem with AIBU!
Taking away all the extra rubbish, OP wasn't being unreasonable (but maybe unwise to mention it

I can't bring myself to read the entire thread as I don't have the appetite for the "all for the mother's benefit / won't let the child grow up" comments today. But the OP asked, so YANBU to be surprised. It's rare in this country to see, and quite possibly the small number of women still feeding children of this age do it privately, more out of a fear of vitriol, ridicule and judgement than out of any sense that it is inappropriate.

YABU if you judge or presume negative motives upon the women in question. Live and let live.

I shouldn't bother reading the whole thread-it is probably full of things people had rather they hadn't said -and should be allowed to die, and be buried!

That was a very gracious retraction, exotic.

Trying to why this bugged me. Possibly not just an academic concern for logical stringency...

Might also something to do with my awareness that as a foreigner and the mother of a child with MH problems I am very much at the mercy of people who use one aspect of your life/parenting/family set-up to draw conclusions about the rest.

Off tomorrow to see the third CAHMS team in a year. Which means constantly interspersing my conversations with subtle hints that will gradually (=over a period of some six months or so) make them realise that just because dd fulfills criterion A this does not turn me into parent B, an over-anxious loon who puts child proof locks on the kettle until dcs turn 18 and can't bear the thought of her growing into a woman.

The last counsellor said after a year that she had learnt so much from us. In fact, they have all implied something similar. Which is very gratifying. But hard, weary work for the person who has to do the teaching. Wouldn't it be nice if just once someone listened to what I had to tell first, instead of just assuming that X, Y and Z must be the case because that is what X kind of parent "is like"?

Sorry, going off at a tangent- must be something about this thread.

Cory said: I have no problem with the argument that it is against Western societal norms.

It's the jumping to conclusions about what whole families must be like in other respects that sets my teeth on edge.

This sums up exactly how I feel (the second part obviously informed by your personal experiences - good luck with your appointment tomorrow).

It's fine not to want to breastfeed a 7 year old and to be surprised that someone else might. What's not fine is making up unlikely interpretations involving needy mothers who breastfeed for their own purposes; lazy parenting; children who cannot possibly be independent enough; children who are bound to be bullied at school.

exoticfruits, you have pedalled all of the above on this thread. I have to confess I was shocked when you mentioned that you teach children. Whilst you expect 7 year olds to be able to make a cup of tea and a meal, I expect teachers to be reasonably open minded and not to put forward negative, inflammatory interpretations in the face of no supporting evidence!

A lot of the examples you give of so called age appropriate behaviour and levels of independence are completely arbitrary. I suspect that many people would not share your expectations of 7 year olds in the kitchen, and if you asked parents what they expected of their children at certain ages, you'd receive varied replies, a lot of which might (and should) depend on the individual children in question.

If you are still bf a 7 year old child people will have assumptions, you cannot get away with that, but to express those assumptions to the mother is wrong.

I have actually apologised.
If anyone reads my regular posts they will see that what generally 'gets my knickers in a twist' is overprotecting children, as in not letting a 2 yr old in the kitchen when you are working, not letting a 7yr boy old get changed in the men's changing room and thinking it negligent to leave an 8yr old for 10 mins if you are 5 mins away with a mobile phone and the neighbours are at home.
My personal view (not wanting to get into it again) is that 7yrs is too old to publicly bfeed.
Where I was very wrong was to class the 2 together-which was utterly ridiculous -they don't go together- and the bfed 7yr old could easily be in the kitchen making a cup of tea, changing themselves after swimming etc etc.
Therefore-once again-sorry.

Thank you exoticfruits and spenditwisely. I posted on here because it's not something I felt I could really discuss with other friends who may know the family and be judgy about it in RL.

I found MN when trying to help a friend with relationship problems and couldn't believe the knowledge, help and support available on this site. It seems no matter what the question, others have experience of it. Well, possibly only two with b/f a 7 year old!

paf. still no data glad people are shaking hands again though...

I still had my bottle til I was 6, so in that regard, I would've been surprised but not weirded out by a 6 yr old wanting to BF

Toomqnycuppas- my 2.5 yr old bf's still morning, nap and night. If she wants bf when we are out I say 'no later' and she is usually fine with this. My ds self weaned from the breast at 19 months. Dd shows no intention of doing that yet! My personal cut off is 4 years old but I would rather she self weaned by three. Contrarty to some of the posts here, breastmilk at this age still has enormous benefits and chock full of vitamins and antibodies.

Out of interest runningwilde, does breastfeeding older children deplete the mother of vitamins and calcium?

Yes it can do but not massively to my knowledge (that being in the majority of cases, although I do know a woman whose teeth were badly affected by breastfeeding - although she didn't do extended bf and she may have had low calcium levels to start with) and for me, that is not that important - the benefits to my LO are more important - but I eat healthily and take extra supplements. For me, in the first 12 - 16 months especially, breastfeeding was about giving my child the nutritional benefits of breastmilk and also the emotional benefits to her are a bonus as she finds bf very comforting as well as loving the taste of the milk! Neither of my children like the taste of cows milk in that they won't has a glass of it, although they are fine with it in porridge or a tiny bit in cereal. Indicidently - breastfeeding was, after the pain of childbirth, the hardest thing I have ever done and the first few months were painful, exhausting and often hellish due to the demands of it. I say this just to illustrate that it is not something I found easy and I know how hard it is.

Also - although my personal cut off for bf with my dc is between 3 and 4, I do know a handful of children who were bf until around six years of age and they are amongst the most confident, secure and independent kids I know. They all remember bf and none are ashamed of it or feel weird about it which must be a testament to the overall parenting they receive?!

I very passionate about the benefits of bf... Just in case you hadnt noticed

Contrarty to some of the posts here, breastmilk at this age still has enormous benefits and chock full of vitamins and antibodies.

No one is saying Breastmilk isn't chock full pf goodies. What they are saying is it declines in importance over time.

But you are still wilfully missing the point, or you are being a (insert any one of the many insults you use on those who disagree with you).

The inescapable fact is that it decreases as a % of total nutrients as the child ages because it just cant produce enough calories for the growing child, so whatever its properties are, they decline in importance.

• At 6 months c 100% of a child's nutrition comes from breastmilk
• At 12 months its about 50% maximum (can be near zero)
• At 2 years its 10 - 20% maximum (can be zero by then)
• At 3 years its near zero

So after c 2 yrs old it is has a negligible contribution, and you are far better served focusing on the other sources of nutrition.

Ditto the child's own immune system, it is growing in ability over this time - at 6 months it is usually just good enough for mashed carrots, but 2 yrs old it can deal with a lot more - and there is increasing evidence that not stressing the child's immune system causes all sorts of problems.

You still banging on whatmeworry? You really need to question your desperate need to downplay the loveliness of breastmilk... I see how much benefit my dc have had and how much my LO is still getting both physically and emotionally and that makes me feel fabuloussss. I don't really think you have much idea about breastfeeding first hand and how amazing it is.

You really need to put your focus elsewhere. As for inserting a word to describe me... Amazing, dedicated, fantastic...

Generally just fabulous.

And if you think breastmilk stresses a child's immune system you have more problem that I first thought

I'll stick to what my GP said about how beneficial breastmilk still is to my little one

You really need to stop obsessing whatmeworry, it's not a good look

runningwilde, Whatme is just putting a point across, there's no need to get so nasty. Everyone has a right to an opinion here without being labelled "obsessive" and being told "you have more of a problem than I thought".

It doesn't do your argument any good either.

Thanks for posting that, exoticfruits.

Whatmeworry, what are the percentage figures you have posted, and where do they come from? They don't necessarily say anything about the nutritional profile of breastmilk over time.

As for being 'better served focusing on other sources of nutrition', would those include cow's milk? It is funny that human breastmilk is seen as redundant relatively early on in a child's life, and is replaced with another kind of breastmilk which is regarded as highly nutritious (with few, if any, questions asked about the period of time the suppliers have been lactating...).