AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

Yes it is possible to breast feed with one breast .
But extremely difficult when you are recovering from a mastectomy and very ill.
Thankyou winter x

NannyPlum - I don't see how your situation has anyting to do with breatfeeding older chldren. you comments about 'warped' people really aren't going to help you. Try sticking to your views expressed in a dispassionate manner rather than using unpleasant emotive terms.

itspeanutbutterjellytime - I don't have an ideal time, other than ASAP . When I was pg with DS1 I thought minimum of a year as you have to give wither BM or a BM substitute until then. But I just ended up gettig to the point, with DS2 and DD, where I didn't see the point in stopping. I have many friends who have let their children self-wean at it seemed there more normal, sensible thing to do (for my family). However, if I get to the point where I've really had enough I will gently encourage weaning and support the right of any mother to end the nursing relationship when she wants to.

As I have already said - you don't start out feeding an older child it's just a natural progression and trusting them to stop when they are ready. I thinm many people who ahven't done it have this idea of a child who nurses multiple times a day and has full long feeds; in reality it doesn't work that way even DD (not yet 3) sometimes just needs a couple of seconds of nursing and she's fine again. she rarely nurses to sleep either.

In the same way I coslept and allowed them to make the transition into their own beds (which they did - they just got to the point where they would ask to go to their bed at nigh) I allow them to nurse til they no l;onger feel the need.
DS2 for example was down to every couple of weeks. I couldn't tell you when he last nursed because he was down to every couple of weeks and I just used to nurse when he asked.

People who lack empathy and make dispassionate comments about breast feeding with one breast are warped IMO .
There but for the grace of god go all those people !

Interesting thread. It's notable that those who think it's icky or wrong don't seem to agree on a golden age when breastfeeding should stop. In other words, those who do EBF can't possibly please all of those sitting in judgement from the sidelines. So why should they pay any attention whatsoever?

In reply to the OP, having not read all of the thread, YANBU to be surpised at a nearly 7yr old being BF.

However, YABU to judge. I personally wouldn't want to be BF a 7yr old (I still BF my 16 month old and hope to continue till she self weans, but hoping that it will be before she goes to school!), but as the biological norm is to be weaned off the breast by about 6/7yrs when they lose their milk teeth, then it is still "normal" for this nearly 7yr old to be BF, and if he/she still able to latch then who cares?

It's a pity really that as a society we expect babies and children to grow up so quickly and I think this is just another example of that.

As soon as they are born we want them to sleep alone, be put down during the day, sleep through the night, be left with other people, get onto solids, sit, crawl, walk, be toilet trained. In general, we want those things ot happen as soon as possible. In short, we want our children to fit around us and our lifestyles. I think this is just another example of that.

AFAIK, there is no evidence that natural term, or 'extended' BF prevents a child from reaching independance. In fact, there seems a fair bit of evidence to suggest the opposite. In the UK we generally have crap attitudes to breastfeeding anyway, so it's no suprise that attitudes to NTBF are worse.

but as the biological norm is to be weaned off the breast by about 6/7yrs when they lose their milk teeth

Where does this "biological norm" of 6/7 years come from, pray tell?

But, I would definitely encourage a child who is school age to stop breastfeeding. I know it is still biologically normal for them to BF up to 7, but we do all have to live in a society together and confirm to social norms, sadly and my 4/5yrs the child has had an excellent start to life by being BF that long. Also at that age they could be reasoned with, I guess and told that it is time to stop.
(having said that, my DD will start school a few days after she is 4, and if she is not weaned by then and I try to encourage her to wean, I may ofcourse find this is easier said than done!)

It comes from reading books on anthropology.

Namnyplum - you drip fed then posted about breast dancer. Absolutely it's awful but also was irrelevant to thread. I really suggest that it's worth putting in another thread as it is a situation that must be terribly hard. This thread isn't about whether a woman bf or not, but when a woman does how long for.

Happy mum/happy child bollocks is usually spouted when a mum can't be bothered to do something that is good for her child

Actually runningwilde, I find that this bollocks is often spouted by women who wanted to, and assumed they would, breastfeed, but found that the reality made them so miserable that they switched to the perfectly acceptable subsitute for the sake of their own sanity.

Whatmeworry. - "pray tell" sarcastic and condescending much?? I think women to do continue to bfees often have educated themselves on benefits. I know I did. And yes the biological age of weaning is 6/7. Mothering a nursing toddler by bumgarner has lots of referenced evidence. Right now snuggled on bed nursing our latest addition so cannot go and get it off bookshelf.

I get it now, it's the notion of 'self-weaning' that I can't get my head around. Expecting a child to do this is irresponsible in my view. Extended breastfeeding after a child is eating properly, has very little to do with nutrition it is essentially about attachment. The notion that children can 'self-wean' does not take into consideration the enormous attachment issues that are involved with breastfeeding. They simply are not programmed to detach - it's something we encourage in them in order to help them develop.

Bringing up children is about encouraging them to be people in their own right, yes? If we don't let them fall they will never learn to walk, if we don't teach them how to brush their teeth they will not necessarily do that of their own accord. This isn't about judging parents all I am considering is what is best for the child.

I don't know about happy mummy. I know a mum who is happy feeding her do (when they aren't having to fend for themselves) the most unhealthy shit. She goes on piss regularly and would leave kids infront of tv in pjs all weekend as she was hungover and couldn't get her lazy arse out of bed. She was happy, kids were not. Incidentally she bfed them all.

However that isn't comparable to a mum Who has really tried and wanted to bfeed, had shitty support, first baby so all a steep learning curve and pressure from advertisers and society undermining bfeesimg. So I am not judging women who haven't been able to bfeed. Just bloody hate the term happy mum/happy child been bandied about all the time

Tangent done

Spendit - so you should deny a child comfort when you think they are ready, not when they think they are? At what age? Do you limit this to nursing or should it extend to bedtime cuddle, kiss when needed.take away teddy?

There is so much - 'i think this or I find that creepy, therefore that is the way it should be for everyone, anything else is wrong' posting on here - also 'Whatmeworry' may well be a scientist but if it is in the 'you have got an 'ology' therefore you are a scientist!' school (or Physics for e.g. which won't be very relevant really) then it is not necessarily going to inform the debate.

I have ebf to around 33 months with 3 children but I think dd2 would still feed now at 3 yo if she could, I weaned her as I did not want to do it anymore I knew she benefitted from feeding she was comforted and nourished but I was tired and fed up of feeding after 7 years without a break. Anyone who says that ebf can only be for the benefit of the mother is talking out of their behind - it is no way convenient or comfortable even when it is only a few minutes at bedtime and in the morning, although it can be beautiful and the closeness is lovely it is hard work much of the time.

I can totally understand how bf could continue until a child is 6 if the child showed no signs of wanting to completely wean and the mother was willing to continue. I do not see it as a way of babying the child or as fostering over dependence as any child still living at home is a dependent and a 6yo is hardly out there in the big bad world. Independence for a child is a process and breastfeeding does not hinder it - all three of my children breastfed til pre-school were very confident and happy going to nursery had no problem seperating from me (no sobbing or clinging to skirts) and are very outgoing - if I had fed them longer it would not have changed them in any way.

The notion that children can 'self-wean' does not take into consideration the enormous attachment issues that are involved with breastfeeding. They simply are not programmed to detach - it's something we encourage in them in order to help them develop.

Children DO self wean on their own most of the time, from what I've heard/read. At the age of about 4/5/6yrs they don't need the BF attachment or interest in BF anymore, at which point they do self wean.

In a way it is like brushing teeth I think. By forcing them to helping them brush their teeth we are ensuring their future health. By encouraging self weaning, we are maximising their childhoold and adulthood health potentials. Human bodies don't develop a full immune system till they are 6/7 which coincides with their milk teeth falling out and the start of the inability to suckle, so by letting them self wean, we are letting them develop and get the full immune benefits. And that is best for the child.

Bigmouthstrikeaagain - like your post. If dd feeds as long as ds2 is been bfeeding for aimilar amount of time. Whilst ds2 chose to stop, I'd been preparing him by saying when baby here it would have milk too. Part of me wanted him to stop as not always comfortable (esp when pregnant) but felt a little the stage was over but very proud of him too, another milestone

A similar not aimilar

Thank you for the balanced response choceyes I'm not getting much of that here!

As far as I remember the individual's immune system kicks in and takes over from the mother at one year old (I was told by my paediatrician because my dd had a congenital problem with this). The human immune system is in continuous development it never fully develops as you suggest. You are dependent on your mother's immunity (early bf) until your own takes over to replace it, at around one year. There are zero benefits to physical health in extended breastfeeding. It's a good last resort in situations where food is scarce but you can't possibly tell me that it's beneficial after a balanced food diet is achieved.

I really can't see the point of stopping breastfeeding TBH. Now that DD is 17 months old, it's not like she BF all the time anymore, she will happily go the whole day if I'm not around without a BF. BF saves me money, gives us extra closeness, stops me faffing around with making bottles/cups of milk and trying to get them to drink it etc etc. Even though I still BF her to sleep at night, she can go to sleep with DH if I'm not around, and then doesn't expect it, (but will wake up later for a feed/feeds instead), so it's not even restrictive anymore. So why should I give up now?

whatme - Yet more anecdotal evidence of he said this. Evidence has shown child's mine system is maturing till age 7 then it is equivalent to an adults.

Immune not mine (that's what happens when one bangs ones head against phone )

spenditwisely - I can't claim to be an expert in this field. Your paediatrician is an expert in childhood illnesses, so he would know better, but his advice does not seem to tally with that I have read about the human immune system.
As for having ZERO physical health benefits after 1yr, the fact that the fat content in BM goes from 4% to 11% after 12 months, must surely mean something!

The reason for the fat content I would assume is so that BF doesn't have to be so frequent as the child reaches maturity to enable it to find its own food. But our children don't have to do that.

I hope you have read the stuff about tooth erosion and brush your childrens teeth after their last feed...