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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

817 replies

Toomanycuppas · 13/01/2012 02:50

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

OP posts:
Babieseverywhere · 15/01/2012 15:09

Whatmeworry, Milk should be the main source of nutrients in all children's diet until they are 12 month old at least. Even mothers who wean off the breast, will introduce formula for the 6 to 12 month period for a good dietary reason.

threefeethighandrising · 15/01/2012 15:15

It's amazing isn't it - the level of cultural programming against BF?

We're saying "look! Here's this free thing that will make your child smarter, healthier and happier, and protect you from illness too" - but they just don't want to know!

If it came in tablet form everyone would take it I bet.

TruthSweet · 15/01/2012 15:15

Entrophy - It is my DD2 who asks for 'Mama Bah' but it's not pron. Ma-Ma like a talking baby doll but Muh-mar (God knows where she gets that fromConfused we certainly aren't from the 1920's landed gentry set). She's 4.2y btw and only asks at home in her bedroom/my bedroom so we don't get too many strangers overhearing....

entropygirl · 15/01/2012 15:16

would anyone mind answering my question?

entropygirl · 15/01/2012 15:19

xpost. Sorry truth I didnt understand.....particularly pron.

So I guess my question is why havent you corrected you DC? I would imagine they would be capable of asking for breast milk?

entropygirl · 15/01/2012 15:20

ohhhhh pronounced!

get it.....also the muh-mar makes sense now....

my question still stands.

TruthSweet · 15/01/2012 15:22

From the WHO guidance on complementary foods:-

6-8m need 130 kcals of complementary foods and 485 kcals from breastmilk (approx 650ml of bm at 75kcals per 100ml) - total 615 kcals a day

9-11m need 310 kcals of complementary foods and 376 kcals from breastmilk (approx 500ml of bm at 75kcals per 100ml) - total 686 kcals a day.

12-23m need 580 kcals of complementary foods and 314 kcals from breastmilk (approx 420ml of bm at 75kcals per 100ml) - total 894 kcals a day.

Full details here on page 18. Pleae note that there is different values for industrialised/developed countries and developing countries. I've listed the industrialised/developed countries figures (i.e. for the UK, USA, European countries, Australia, etc, etc not for countries like Somalia, Ethiopia, Uganda, etc).

4madboys · 15/01/2012 15:29

why do people keep talking about bfeeding a 7yr old when the child in question (in the op is 6?!)

and someone said no one on here had bfed a child that age, wrong one poster talked about how her dd eventually self weaned at age 9. a number of posters have talked about feeding 4yrs old etc.

i fed ds2 till he was almost 4, but weaned him gradually as i had had ds3 and was feeding him, feeding a 1yr old and an almost 4yr old was just too much, i needed a bit of me back, it was a very gradual process of cutting down, not offering and then to finally drop his morning feed i got up slightly before him so he didnt have the opportunity to get into bed with me and nurse like he ususally would. i have no idea how long he would have continued to nurse, but he does remember it now age 9yrs, and for a long time he would put his hand down my top as it was a comfort to him. ds3 weaned at age 3 not his choice but i was ill so had to stop feedign him and ds4 who was only a baby, it wasnt working out.

i just think its a non issue, i would be suprised to see a child ask but it would nt freak me out and i see no need for all the comments about hanging of/sucking tits etc and the idea of it just being for the mum? cos you would know having nursed an older child yourself? i can assure you there were a hundred times i would rather of not nursed an older child ie 2-3yrs but my children made it clear that they needed it.

is IS unusual for a child to nurse that long but they will naturally stop very soon as their milk teeth fall out, thats biology. and i dont think extended bfeeding leads to children being infantalised at all, it certainly didnt with mine they were very secure, independent toddlers, pre schoolers, but occasionally they came back to 'touch base' they have always been very outgoing confident children and still are, i dont think nursing them made them less so.

and there is plenty of evidence that shows that bmilk still has plenty of benefits for the child and also in terms of the mothers health, the longer you bfeed for the more it reduces your chances of developing various cancers. also bfeeding inhibits your menstrual cycle, even when periods start again they are generally not as heavy and that lower blood loss is better for a woman, much less likely to be aneamic for example.

if you dont like it or understand it fine, but that doesnt give you the right to judge other mothers and to basically slate their parenting and say its all abou tthem and they are damaging their children, has anyone actually given any links/evidence/validation to the fact that it damages children? no but there are links and information showing hte benefits.

threefeethighandrising · 15/01/2012 15:29

My DS calls breastfeeding mama.

It was his first word, he made it up himself, and it's just what it's called in this house.

He's capable of calling it breastfeeding now, but I've never felt the need to "correct" him, as we rarely talk about it outside the house (just as it doesn't come up).

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/01/2012 15:31

Actually I think that is highly likely that my self-respecting 6 yr old will ask to try bf when the baby comes because in my household bfing is normalised.

birdsofshoreandsea · 15/01/2012 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TruthSweet · 15/01/2012 15:35

Because it's their name for it, it's their thing not mine. They know it's called Breastfeeding/Breastmilk as I am a breastfeeding peer supporter and am doing the BFC training too, they have been coming with me to bfing groups for years and do know the correct names.

They (DD1 & DD2) use breastfeeding as in 'Are we going to the Children's centre so you can help the Mummies with breastfeeding?' but would say in ref. to themselves 'Can I have Mama Bah please?' (this is just DD2's way of asking, DD1 just called it Bah) or in the case of DD3 it's just 'Bah p'eese' or 'Uh Bah p'eese' which means other side (she has some speech delays poss. related to TT).

TBH most people would be more creeped out by a 4y in a park asking 'Can I have my breastmilk now Mummy?' than they would by one asking for 'Can I have Mama Bah please?.

Mama Bah/Bah/Nunnies/Buh-bubs/Nums/what have you aren't specific enough for someone overhearing to get the meaning and I have no intention of my children being told by someone that they are pandering to mummy's insecurities or whatever psychobabble that they think.

birdsofshoreandsea · 15/01/2012 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4madboys · 15/01/2012 15:43

starlight my older boys didnt ask to bfeed but when i expressed they would go and fetch a cup to have some milk and sometimes they even went and fetched the breast pump as they wanted some! i just let them have some, dont see the issue, if they had wanted to try and nurse that would have been fine to :)

and my boys called it 'milka' fairly harmless name for it, i knew what they meant, dont care what others think of the name for it.

exoticfruits · 15/01/2012 15:46

DD1 bf until 3.6y.

It isn't about bfeeding 3 yr olds! I bfed for ages. This about bfeeding 6 or 7yr olds-completely different. The DC in my link was more than double this 3.6yrs. In the film she is 7yrs 10months old which makes her a junior school child and has no comparison with a 4yr old.

Her mother let her be filmed in something that got over 3 million viewers on Channel 4. Why did she do that to support her own strong views? I expect it will be on the internet for evermore. If you google the name it comes up. I mentioned it early on, someone asked for a link, I didn't have it but it took under 3 seconds to find. I wouldn't do this to my child.

And no one on here has been bfeeding a child of almost 8yrs-despite getting all annoyed-they generally stopped well short of that-or the DC did.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/01/2012 15:47

My dd calls it 'Mummy Milk' and if she ever sees naked breasts she calls them 'mummy milkas'

4madboys · 15/01/2012 15:49

actually there is a mn earlier in the thread who bfed her dd until 9yrs, its some pages back, and i cant remember the posters name but she does post about it.

i have no idea why someone would film something like that, i wouldnt do that either, as i am sure most mothers wouldnt, filming an older child bfeeding is a different issue to an older child bfeeding generally in the privacy of their own home.

exoticfruits · 15/01/2012 15:57

If you want to do it (and the DC wants to) then I think by that age they know it is something done in the privacy of your own home and you don't ask to do it when there are visitors or you are out and about. You do not invite film crews in. If you want to promote bfeeding for older DCs you write about it, keeping your own DCs firmly out of it and somewhere that their peer group will not see it.
The mother most definitely loved bfeeding and I daresay her DD picked up on it and kept going. At the beginning of this month her FB profile was a picture of her bfeeding at least 11yrs ago.Her DCs are now teenagers-why would you picture yourself bfeeding as a profile picture? Confused
I am pleased that I bfed and glad that my DCs got a good start, I am just as pleased that I gave them home cooked, nutritionally balanced meals, read them bedtime stories etc etc etc but it is 'water under the bridge' now. I think they would roll their eyes a bit if I was still posting bfeeding pictures on the internet.

entropygirl · 15/01/2012 15:57

okay okay, no need to bite my head off!

Earlier in the thread we were talking about progression of development regarding bottle feeding. Ie you wouldn't keep giving a 6/7yo a bottle, you would expect them to have long ago moved to a cup.

There is no equivalent in BF.

So it seems to me that the only sign of progression in BF is the communication. A newborn, suckles and gaps at you, my 7mo currently makes lip smacking noises. By, what, 1.5/2 I would expect a homemade word for it (like the ones you are describing). But once the DC has an actual vocabulary I would expect them to ask for it by name.

I would not have a problem with a 6/7 yo asking for a breast feed if thats what they want. Asking for it by a baby name does indeed smell a little of not progressing developmentally and retaining infantile behaviour.

exoticfruits · 15/01/2012 16:00

I would expect a nearly 8yr old to be able to go into the kitchen and make me a cup of tea.

entropygirl · 15/01/2012 16:02

mummy milk I can deal with! Its accurate and I'm pretty sure that indicates a step onwards from what ever she called it at first.

entropygirl · 15/01/2012 16:04

It just doesnt seem to right to be so adamant in claiming that there is no aspect of the mother deliberately retaining baby like behaviour and then say you have no intention of asking them to use the proper term instead of their baby word for it.

exoticfruits · 15/01/2012 16:06

It also doesn't seem so bad to me if you also do age appropriate things and teach them to use a kettle safely to make a hot drink. I suspect that they don't.

TruthSweet · 15/01/2012 16:09

''All over the country,this term, you will have notices in reception classroom doors saying 'we are trying to give the DCs some independence' -please let them come in on their own'. This is because many parents will still be hanging up their coats for them and insisting on cluttering up the classroom at the start of the day.
The biggest bugbear of modern parenting is doing things for their DCs that they could do themselves. I don't see how babying a 7yr old is in the interests of the 7yr old, unless they missed out when younger and need to regress.''

How many bfing 7y/o do you think there are in the UK right now? 5? 10? if that. How many women are bfing at 7y/o now when only 25% of mothers were giving any bm at 6m in 2005?

birdsofshoreandsea · 15/01/2012 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.