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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

817 replies

Toomanycuppas · 13/01/2012 02:50

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

OP posts:
HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 20:24

Currently watching extraordinary breast feeding, If anyone has seen it they will remember the blonde mother with the twin boy and girl? That little boy has an identical cry to DS when he was that age.

It's making me rather twitchy.

HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 20:24

(I mean hearing that cry again, Not the whole program)

Whatmeworry · 13/01/2012 20:49

I think I would gag if someone popped out a tit and fed a 7 y/o while I was talking to them.

Sorry, but there it is.

TruthSweet · 13/01/2012 21:05

But she didn't say said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that" to the 6yo and not 'pop out a tit for a 7yo' (vile language!).

Though mine have known when I will and won't nurse them from about 18m or so. Not even sure this really happen BTW.

WoTmania · 13/01/2012 21:46

I have my doubts too truthsweet. especially as the OP hasn't come back since the first post Confused

TruthSweet · 13/01/2012 21:56

Are we really sure that the 'no, it's not an appropriate time for that' even meant no, bfing in public??

My 2y knows not to lift my top to bf, my 5y might do it to be silly (shove her head up it to pretend to there's a talking baby in my tummy or some such twaddle that only seems to come from a 5y's mind) but I can't imagine a 6y not using the nursing manners her mother has obviously taught her (don't we all teach manners - nursing, table, company, what have you manners? depending on your family circs??).

Or is it one of those bizarre reverse AIBU - were they the mother of a 6y who did that and wondered if they should have nursed not put their child off for the sake of some cat's bums? Might explain the no return - they didn't want to get the stick for it being them not their 'friend'.

dementedma · 13/01/2012 22:05

haven't read all of this but if it's true, personally I would find it weird and quite disturbing to have a 6 year old child still sucking on a breast.

WoTmania · 13/01/2012 22:12

Okay last post before bed

you don't suddenly wake up with nursing whatever-age-old-child. It's a gradual progression, and some mothers choose to allow their DC to make that progression and to wean when the child is ready.

exoticfruits · 13/01/2012 22:18

I think that by the time the child is 7yrs, and quite capable of going into the kitchen and cooking a simple meal, that the mother might have pushed the child into 'being ready' to wean off. (at least half the child's lifetime before)

TruthSweet · 13/01/2012 22:20

WoTmania -sorry I go chasing random primary aged children down and bf them Hmm

No I don't - joke!

I have bf my children (sometimes with gaps of a week or so for hospitalisation/strikes) almost every day of their lifes, so you don't notice the gradual change as they grow up.

It's a bit like saying 'I woke up one day and decided that my 6m was too old for nappies and trained him to use the toilet'. Premature weaning means you train children (or they train themselves) to use other methods of comfort/forms of nutrition all the time not just when they can't nurse.

Nothing wrong with it per se and I respect mothers who have come to the end of the line (for them) with bfing gently weaning their child, can't the same go for self weaning mothers?

startail · 14/01/2012 01:30

Dd2 didn't really need teaching nursing manners. She is by far and away the most socially astute member of the family. She wouldn't have dreamed of trying to feed in public.

startail · 14/01/2012 01:43

As truthsweet says DCs grow up gradually, why should I say yes you can BF today, but say no tomorrow.
DD2 BF as long as she did because she wanted to. Not because I wanted her to.
I didn't teach her to know exactly how many days she could miss and start again, I didn't teach her how to feed without biting. (I put her down if she did, but she worked out how not to). Just as she worked out how to feed with adult teeth.
She learnt to co sleep when tiny, go back to her cot when older and not to want feeding at night unless she was ill when she was big.
She is a very clever child, she enjoyed feeding so she worked out how to give mum no reason not to let her carry on.

Mya2403 · 14/01/2012 01:53

It is inappropriate to breastfeed after about 2.5 years.

startail · 14/01/2012 01:58

Oh and I'm confused as to why BF should be connected to being able to cook or another ability.
A BF toddler doesn't stay a baby and not learn to walk.
BFing a 7 year old doesn't stop them learning to read and passing their Sats.
BFing my 9 year old didn't stop her being a fashion conscious, stroppy preteen.
Continuing BF was totally irrelevant to DDs day to day life except that she enjoyed doing it enough to work at it.

bobbledunk · 14/01/2012 02:01

If there was still milk being produced and the mother genuinely believed in it's magical properties, then why not express and allow the child to drink it from a cup?

There is no reason for a seven year old to be sucking on mommy's boob, it is quite perverted really. Pity the poor children stuck with those memories, especially boy's. Can you imagine a young man getting lucky, off comes the bra and then thoughts of his mother?

It's sick and disturbingly needy in the extreme. Why on earth are some women so obsessed with infantilising their children and trapping them in dependency?

startail · 14/01/2012 02:05

I guess it's inappropriate for me to walk on walls or build things from Lego.
Inappropriate in most contexts is a non word!

startail · 14/01/2012 02:14

Boobledick, for I'm sure you are maleGrin
Breasts, unlike you, can multi task. They are quite capable of being objects of sexual pleasure and sources of food and comfort to a child.
Women are perfectly capable separating these to roles.

bobbledunk · 14/01/2012 02:40

I'm female actuallySmile, have a baby too.

There is a big difference between feeding a baby the normal way and having an almost teen sucking your tits for 'comfort'Hmm, which is bizarre to most people, regardless of gender .

mantlepiece · 14/01/2012 03:15

I breastfed all my children and being honest yes it is good for the child but it is also so much easier and cheaper than bottle feeding.

I also think that even though it is heavily promoted now as "the best thing to do" it is still considered "odd" by a large section of modern society.
Women will say "I breastfed" when in reality it was for a matter of weeks. Usually with top ups from birth thrown in.
I think it should be up to the mother to decide what is best for her and her family, but the current climate leaves mothers saying one thing and believing another.
A great number of mothers let alone people feel disgusted at the thought of breastfeeding...sorry to say, and often pay lip service to the practice as they feel they should. There are still the same old things said... not enough milk, baby cant latch, etc. It is an emotive subject and women feel they cannot be truthful and just say I don't want to do that.
I feel this background gives rise to the horror of older children breastfeeding, because there are not many women who understand the practice.

I am surprised there has been no mention of the fact that there are quite a number of school age children who still use bottles and dummies. I certainly know of quite a few in my immediate circle, so sucking for comfort or other needs is certainly being met in other ways than breastfeeding.
I think the view that it is ok to breastfeed till the age of 4 is probably seen as good is because that is school age and nothing to do with the emotional needs of the child. If our children started school at 6 that would probably sway the view.
Motherhood is a journey and a very individual experience and all the better for that, I think we should celebrate the difference instead of beating each other up.

WoTmania · 14/01/2012 08:03

6 years old is an 'almost teen' now Hmm. things have changed since I was young.

Truth - maybe that's why I get the funny looks at DS1's school?

Bobbledunk - I suspect they don't rememebr BF because it's such a normal everyday thing for them int he same way they don't rememebr what they had for breakfast, or what the weather was like, or every cuddle you ever gave them. My only memories from pre5/6 are distressing ones or unusual events.

'There is no reason for a seven year old to be sucking on mommy's boob, it is quite perverted really' - read the links about research into natural ages of weaning.

exoticfruits · 14/01/2012 08:05

I would take the same view of a school age child having bottles and dummies-they are too old. The bottle can go as soon as they can use a cup.
I don't think that breast feeding is seen as odd-those who don't want to do it at least know that it is beneficial and they should try to do it at least to start with. My film clip isn't going to promote breastfeeding-it is going to show it as odd.
The mother feeding the 7 yr old is very needy and it suits her to have a dependent child. A secure, happy child would have given it up long before.
To have both girls drawing breasts and giving them names and the older one saying that breast milk was the best thing in the world must come from the mother. Most 7 and 9yr olds couldn't care less about how they were fed as babies, beyond feeling they had a good start in life, they have moved on.

I think the view that it is ok to breastfeed till the age of 4 is probably seen as good is because that is school age and nothing to do with the emotional needs of the child. If our children started school at 6 that would probably sway the view.

If the mother thinks that a 6yr old needs breast milk to fill her emotional needs she is going to have problems later on. She should long ago have thought of ways as a mother to fill those emotional needs.

WoTmania · 14/01/2012 08:09

mantlepiece - nice, well thought out post :) and I agree thta probably if school started slightly later (and IMO if we weren't bombarded with such sexualised messages abpout our bodies and in particular breasts) then it wouldn't bother people.

I'm still waiting for all this research that indicates I'm harming my children.

WoTmania · 14/01/2012 08:12

I coudn't see anything wrong with the film clip.

'If the mother thinks that a 6yr old needs breast milk to fill her emotional needs she is going to have problems later on. She should long ago have thought of ways as a mother to fill those emotional needs.' It's not the only way, obviously, but it is a way. Why not use it? Please, research and studies proving that these children/people are going to be emotional damaged somehow.

exoticfruits · 14/01/2012 08:14

I breastfed all my children, exclusively. I did it anywhere and everywhere and never had any adverse comments.
People who are doing the whole thing a disservice are those who are breast feeding 7yr olds and treating it as normal and in the emotional interests of the child.

WoTmania · 14/01/2012 08:15

or the 9 yo old (who had stopped 4 years ago) could be saying because she's being asked about it? Maybe? It's hardly going to be nice and balanced - they were out to cause controversy and to shock.