My 67 year old dad, his 36 year old missus and their 7 month old baby are all irritating the hell out of me....

[Only1inthevillage]

Well, the baby not so much of course, but I am now permanently irritated / exhasperated / bored in queal measure by their situation. Obviously, my feelings of discomfort by the fact that my dad has hooked up with someone younger than myself (following a two year affair whilst in a long term relationship), and she who consequently moved in to his new home in a nano second, stopped studying for her postgraduate degree, got pregnant "accidentally" and has proved to be an uncommunicative, dour presence amongst our fractured family - I am aware that this is the root of my irritation. But purleeeese - the baby is seven months old and they still can't leave the house for any longer than a couple of hours because she is breastfed and the only way she can be breastfed is by both mother and child lying down on a bed because the flow of her milk is exceptionally fast and can only be controlled by being horizontal.......and none of them can go out after 6:30 pm because it is her bedtime and sorry, my dad must cancel the arrangement (for the second time) to take his mother out for her birthday because the baby has a blocked nose and, no, he cannot spend any quality time with his grandson anymore unless I bring him to him and his grandson will have to 'work around the baby'.............I can go on and on and on. Believe me, I've stayed patient but is this all a bit bonkers or am I just regressing back to the moody, sullen teenager I probably was a long time ago?!

She is Eastern European?

Yes Mrs J although I am not sure what the issue is with that! Can someone explain to me please?

I think our situation only works because there is a lot of give and take on both sides. My dad and Step mum have done their very best to make us included in the family and she and my half siblings mean much to me that I wouldn't care about inheritance. That's not to say that sometimes I feel a little bit put out that my dad can't be involved in my children's lives as much as I'd like and he feels that too. I think at the moment OP's dad is in a difficult position but he and his wife have to recognise he needs to handle this situation carefully.

Bogeyface - It's even more of a cliche.

Oh....visa?

A friend of DHs married a Thai woman some years ago, atleast 10 years ago, and got all the jokes about lady boys, mail order brides etc. One particularly cruel aquaintance threatened to send a bag of ping pong balls as a wedding gift (but he is a twat). But he moved over there as she didnt want to leave her home, and spend 9 months a year there, coming home for 2 6 week trips a year to see his family. She has been here once, said it was cold and the food was crap, and never came back! I have never met her and only met the husband once, but I am assured that they are blissfully happy. But they are about the same age :o

Bogeyface Where did they meet?

thailand, he was working over there (or visiting someone who was working there, they have complex labour laws, thats all I know!)

Well I had such a bad back after having DD the only way I could BF was to be propped up with 101 cushions/pillows. When my back got better after a couple of months I could lie down to feed her - what a relief.

A 7 month old baby? Do give them a rest. What do you actually need from your dad anyway? Attention? What do your kids need from him? Nothing you can't give them.

In a year or two it may have changed entirely. Or it might not. All I know is, your bad feelings will be what stands in the way of you all getting together again one day.

What on earth is your problem OP - do you think you own your Dad? FGS let them get on with it, just as they let you get on with your life. Grow up.

I think your young children are always going to come before your grandchildren or adult children. I think it's a bit sad when grandparents decide to have more babies as they aren't really around to be grandparents because they aren't relinquishing the parenting role but women do this as well (but not as frequently) as men.

Op- I can see why you are miffed.
Nobody would openly be delighted at their 67 year old dad having another child, surely. Personally I think it will lead the child to be bullied. My dd says a child with a dad of 60 (the child is a teenager) has the piss taken out of him at school regularly. I think it is unfair but seriously 67 and having a child -no wonder you are irritated.
As to cancelling seeing his elderly mother twice, I think that is bad.
What is wrong with your stepmother staying in and looking after her baby alone, whilst your dad visits his mother?
Good God, I think she is taking the piss tbh.
Having said this not much you can do really, except tell your dad that you disapproved of him treating his mother in that way and that your son keeps asking when he can see his grandad.

I understand your jealousy, your father is clearly an absolute prick. Honestly, creeping on a woman more than half his age never mind getting her preggers, classy man :/ And it must be hard for you to deal with the thoughts of this new sis BUT...its not her fault...can't you be pleased about the idea of a baby sis?? i know I would be even now??

Give it time, stay on friendly terms, you go visit there with your sons, invite them to your home, she can retire to your bedroom to nurse the baby when she is hungry.

I'd be pretty unhappy too. Not that I see my parents a huge amount now I've moved to another continent :)

I don't have a problem with the idea of an older person having a new girlfriend/boyfriend, in fact I think it's great, but I would be very very uncomfortable if either of my parents dated someone younger than me. It's not that gap per sey, but the encroachment on my space I think.

I'm also not at all sure that having a baby in your late 60's is terribly fair on that child, unless you are in very good health and come from a long lived family. My parents are in their late 70s and starting to have some serious health issues quite a few of their friends also are not in the best way, and some have already died not sure that is ideal for a ten year old.

YABU. Agree 100% with grolier.

How about being happy for your dad, respectful of his choices, and supportive of his relationship with his SON. And if you can't manage that, then just try not to be awful about it, at least.

I'm not gonna dig behind the scenes at what I think sounds like the real issue (like a few people here have) but I reckon ya dad sees a different picture and might be all frazzled up in the head. If he's a good bloke try having a word and sort something out for the sake of his grandson if nothing else. Deep down you know how much work young babies are and it's gotta be tough to get less attention as you grow older, less cute and wobbly and more mouthy and gangly so how about you set up a phone call more often? Even better if you can skype each other up.

If you wanna avoid that idea being chucked out the window, set this up direct with ya dad's woman. Gonna be harder for her to say no that way isn't it?

Jealous?

"Life does not stop when one reaches a certain age. What's the matter with you?"

Nothing the matter with me thank you. Not suggesting that life should stop either. But I've seen too many men hook up with someone new and then act like their previous family doesn't exist to think that it's never problematic. Older men marrying much younger women seem to be particularly bad at this.

Why do you not refer to the baby as your little sister?

I would suggest that those who are telling the OP she is being U has absolutely no experience whatsoever of her situation.

It's quite a unique and complex situation.

But then this is AIBU, not somewhere where everyone tries to understand I suppose.