My 67 year old dad, his 36 year old missus and their 7 month old baby are all irritating the hell out of me....

[Only1inthevillage]

Well, the baby not so much of course, but I am now permanently irritated / exhasperated / bored in queal measure by their situation. Obviously, my feelings of discomfort by the fact that my dad has hooked up with someone younger than myself (following a two year affair whilst in a long term relationship), and she who consequently moved in to his new home in a nano second, stopped studying for her postgraduate degree, got pregnant "accidentally" and has proved to be an uncommunicative, dour presence amongst our fractured family - I am aware that this is the root of my irritation. But purleeeese - the baby is seven months old and they still can't leave the house for any longer than a couple of hours because she is breastfed and the only way she can be breastfed is by both mother and child lying down on a bed because the flow of her milk is exceptionally fast and can only be controlled by being horizontal.......and none of them can go out after 6:30 pm because it is her bedtime and sorry, my dad must cancel the arrangement (for the second time) to take his mother out for her birthday because the baby has a blocked nose and, no, he cannot spend any quality time with his grandson anymore unless I bring him to him and his grandson will have to 'work around the baby'.............I can go on and on and on. Believe me, I've stayed patient but is this all a bit bonkers or am I just regressing back to the moody, sullen teenager I probably was a long time ago?!

If your Dad can't see that he's being led around by the nose, that's really his problem. The world is full of foolish old men

YANBU .
My 77 year old Dad and his wife ( who is 5 years older than me ) moved house just before Christmas and didn't tell us .

Gosh, you have a sister who is 7 months old. How utterly bizarre that must be.

I agree with Cogito, nothing you can do really.

Oh, and YANBU at all.

Well it's up to him isn't it. It's not like he hasn't been around a baby before, he must know it's bollocks!

Does your 7 month old baby sister have a name?

You could have used a new addition in the family to possibly mend the 'fracture'.

What is it that's actually annoying you? To me you just sound jealous?

Actually, when I was B/F a 7 month old I found it really hard to leave the house too and was pretty knackered and grumpy and so was my DH. My own father has a small child and although I don't have much attention or do my DCs from him, that's ok because I'm grown up now and I know he still loves us! I think maybe cut them a bit of slack and think of nice things you chaps could do to help..even if it's sending cheery pics or a 'thinking of you' note, and if you can't bring yourself to do this, then find something else to do for now!! It's a chance to make friends and make everyones life a bit more pleasant? Evil stepmother or not, she still is finding out how hard it is to have a small child.

Sounds like a strange form of sibling rivalry. Do you envy your new baby sister?

Or is this a strange form of daughter stepmum breastfeeding competition rivalry??

You're probably NBU, but I'm afraid the only way I could feed properly was on my side like a sow.

My children lost their grandad the day his daughters were born.

It breaks my heart everyday.

My dad's wife is 5 years older than me and they have been together for half of my life and all of my adult life.

We had no reason to think that his wife becoming pregnant would be anything but a good thing - we have a tiny family with no aunts and uncles or cousins. But it hasn't happened that way.

Blondie sometimes it's not as easy as that. In our case, we were all one big happy family until my siblings arrived and my dad's wife immediately started to distance them from us. There are no photos of my, my brother, or our families in their house. We have tried and tried and and tried some more to build a bond between our children and my dad's but we are kept very much at arms length.

OP, even if you are "just jealous" I think that would be entirely understandable.

Sounds like the mum is having it tough with feeding - I feel her pain as couldn't feed DS in public and formula made him sick.

I think YABU - why don't you say something?

CogitoErgoSometimes

Life does not stop when one reaches a certain age. What's the matter with you? Did you think your parents only had sex made love to have children and, once they had the required number, they stopped?

There's no reason why OP's dad can't still see her or her children though.

DH and I aren't joined at the hip and sometimes he used to go out when I was BFing!

All fair points folkgirl regardless of age differences, I don't understand how anyone can turn their backs on existing family.

Folkgirl, i didn't ever mention that it would be easy, the op has had this problem since her dad and his partner 'hooked up' so it does not seem anyway similar to your circumstances.

I think for many men in that age bracket, they did not spend this quality time with their babies (just the generation they lived in) and op dad is getting the opportunity to do it with the op baby sister now.

My DCs don't feel they miss out from not seeing much of their grandad, lots else going on in life. Would be lovely if we were all closer but there you go, can't have everything and lots of other people are close so can't complain.
He's there if I really need him but I'm happy to get on with life, glad that he is giving time to my little half sister and give him a big hug when I see him (once or twice a year now rather than every week before). Life is far too short too waste feeling bitter and tbh it makes you feel rotten and gives you spots!

YABabitU

Do you think she should stop breastfeeding or something? If she needs to feed the baby lying down then surely it is understandable that she wants to do it at home

And it's understandable that your dad's own baby gets more attention than his grandson. Presumably your DS has a father of his own?

Oh there is no fool like and old fool. I look forward to being 60-something with a 30-something gigolo!

I don't think you are coming across very well... You do sound jealous, but I can't put my finger on exactly what it is about your post I don't agree with, but YABU. Maybe it's your tone.

You dad has got a new wife and a new baby. You could dwell on her being 'an affair' or you could look forward. I think you are concentrating on not liking this woman very much, and blaming her for your dad not being involved enough with you.

But whatever you think about it, they have a little baby, and they are putting it first. It's PFB all over again for your dad.

Why can't you bring your son to your dad? He's 67 with a baby in the house. He's probably fucking knackered.

You don't approve of his life choice to be with this woman so you are picking everything apart.

Yes, I know I may sound 'bitter' or 'jealous' and I'm big enough to admit that it hurts to see how easily what was once a happy family unit has blown apart...! I also know that's how life goes sometimes and I am generally pretty 'zen' about it all. What hurts is my DS missing out on quality time with his granddad but I can see in hindsight that most of the quality time spent before all this malarky was instigated by his previous partner so it was probably always going to be that way anyway. But I must stop feeling this irritated by it all as Wishi quite rightly points out 'It gives you spots'.....!

@ wahwah

Onlyfool, they do sound rather precious (clearly the baby doesn't really need feeding every two hours at 7 months, ffs, unless something is very wrong) and I can see how upsetting it must be that you and your kids have been cut off from your Dad.

By the way - Nagoo - honestly, I have tried very hard tp start a happy relationship with his new partner. Honestly! I think a lot gets lots in translation - she's from Eastern Europe and either has a very dry sense of humour or none at all (keeping open mind on that one), and deals in monosyllibic answers (can't recall her ever asking a single question of me or anyone else for that matter). And I do go to his house as much as I can (single parent / full time job / DH's dad recently buggered off to New Zealand - makes it all a bit difficult). Oh, anyway, I'm boring myself now. I just needed a rant - off to buy spot cream.

OP also said "he cannot spend any quality time with his grandson anymore" which implies that he did prior to the baby being born. Whatever her feelings towards her dad, his wife and their baby her dad shouldn't have turned his back on OP and her son.

I don't know. It is something very close to my heart so perhaps I'm 'hearing' something in the OP's tone that other people aren't/isn't there! Or interpretting what sounds as stroppy teenager gripes as overwhelming sadness!

It's one thing if a parent/grandparent hasn't ever been particularly involved/close but when you can identify the point at which it changed and you've listened to a 7 year old describing themselves as "invisible" "like a ghost" and say "I haven't really got a grandad anymore, have I?" It's hard to remain magnanimous or be the bigger person.

wahwahwah

Why are some of you so rude about older people? You have no experience of what our lives are like and what we can still achieve (and I don't just mean babies). We have been there and done that. Have you been here and done this? No. So keep your prejudiced opinions about us to yourselves if you can't be polite about it.

FokGirl - my post has probably come across as a bit angry but you're right to recognise that it is a sadness that I feel. I miss the family connection we had before. My DS's father is no longer around, I'm in a new town with no friends and I guess I'm a bit lonely and feel deeply sad for my DS who not only has lost his dad but also his grandad, almost simultaneously. Maybe I need to separate these feelings from everything else and try not to regret what has happened. I know it's not positive.