My 67 year old dad, his 36 year old missus and their 7 month old baby are all irritating the hell out of me....

[Only1inthevillage]

Well, the baby not so much of course, but I am now permanently irritated / exhasperated / bored in queal measure by their situation. Obviously, my feelings of discomfort by the fact that my dad has hooked up with someone younger than myself (following a two year affair whilst in a long term relationship), and she who consequently moved in to his new home in a nano second, stopped studying for her postgraduate degree, got pregnant "accidentally" and has proved to be an uncommunicative, dour presence amongst our fractured family - I am aware that this is the root of my irritation. But purleeeese - the baby is seven months old and they still can't leave the house for any longer than a couple of hours because she is breastfed and the only way she can be breastfed is by both mother and child lying down on a bed because the flow of her milk is exceptionally fast and can only be controlled by being horizontal.......and none of them can go out after 6:30 pm because it is her bedtime and sorry, my dad must cancel the arrangement (for the second time) to take his mother out for her birthday because the baby has a blocked nose and, no, he cannot spend any quality time with his grandson anymore unless I bring him to him and his grandson will have to 'work around the baby'.............I can go on and on and on. Believe me, I've stayed patient but is this all a bit bonkers or am I just regressing back to the moody, sullen teenager I probably was a long time ago?!

If it was the other way around which it mostly is on here everyone would be saying that things change and the first years with a young baby are tiring and difficult and the grandparents should be understanding of that. And it is your baby do it your way.

Well this is the same but with the ages of the different parties reversed. So the advise is the same.

I think a 55-year-old woman and a 67-year-old man a pretty much in the same age bracket. I don't know a single person who would bat an eyelid if a 55 and 67 year old couple got together. Twelve years at that age is diddly squat.

MrsJAlfredP

Um, you're being ironic, right? Because otherwise, I can't fathom your post, at all.

In your own terms, she's an "elderly primigravida", so I think it's ironic you'd attribute her decision to postpone her post-grad studies to lack of insight and staying power! If I was a 36 year old childless woman with a 67 year old partner, you bet I'd be prioritising my family life over job or studying!

Fertility is time-sensitive. In 2 or 3 or 10 years' time, the university will still be there.

Frankly at 55 (not that I am in the market for a new partner) I consider myself fit, active, and up for pretty much anything. I doubt I will feel the same in 12 years. I think this is as mismatched as a 16 year old and a 28 year old. People at different life stages.

How about a 67 year old woman and a 55 year old man, Wamster?

She might only have taken maternity leave, ffs. Or have deferred for a year.

OneHandFlapping, same thing as far as I'm concerned.
There's only two ages for me: those under 30 and those over it.

"Boo hoo my daddy's got a new baby" . Were you an only child up until this point?

How old does the man have to get (and you) before you stop acting like a petulant teenager?

Yeah the bf stuff sounds like crap but maybe the woman has other reasons, connected with having a baby, for not wanting to go out of the house. I wonder what they might be?

Have you considered being a bit more supportive of their 'unusual' family or are you just happy to take the piss out of your Dad and your new sister?

So what actually, if you and your dc have to plan your time around the new baby, that is pretty normal, you know.

OP, and many posters on here, you are being unbelievable. 67 isn't actually old, many many many people of this age are at the peak of their career, abilities and influence. It doesn't even look old in this day and age.

OP you come across as pathetic and self-pitying. As someone rightly pointed out, this is your DF's SON who is taking priority. I am sure he is fond of his GS (your DS) but the bond just isn't the same. It can't be. And has it occurred to you that he might love his DW, and perhaps feels that his first marriage didn't go that well (you blame the OW, but you may not know all the truth and history) and so he wants to really be supportive and involved this time around.

How this mother chooses to nurture her baby is none of your business. Do you live with them? Why should their lifestyle choices irritate you? Don't you have a life of your own to run? If they want to stay home, enjoy their baby, and support themselves financially in whatever way suits them best, why is that any of your business?

It's not bizarre that you have an infant half-sibling. Many people have various configurations of family. You are an adult with your own life. Let your DF live and enjoy his own life, with a DW who (beyond any knowledge of your own) he may actually love and be happy with and with a baby DC, who like any parent he is entitled to love and prioritise.

Geez. It's not all about you you know.

DF's DAUGHTER sorry

OP, I think I would find that situation very hard indeed. It sounds as if you have tried really hard. You have my sympathies.

Shit, my father has just left my mother for a woman four years older than my sister....

shit the bed.

OP I completely see where you're coming from.

I don't really see what your issue is.

One would have thought this woman would have more of her own life at age 37 and wouldn't want to give everything up to move in with grandad. Did she have a home of her own? Why is she doing post grad stuff at 37?

Maybe they are in love. There's nothing distasteful about it unless a person is a real prude who thinks that people that should marry people exactly the same age as them -or just a couple of years older or younger.
Anyway, so what she is 36 and him 67. Big deal. BOTH adults. It's not as if he is some predatory male taking advantage of a teenage girl. Which would be-I admit- very creepy.
There's an old phrase: 'When a woman passes 30, it makes no difference how old her lover is'. I agree. Once you're 30, men cease to be an emotional mystery and you are finally grown up.

Only on Mumsnet could it be considered normal to have a new born half sibling in your late 30s/early 40s. OP's son is older than his aunt.

Not only on mumsnet at all. I'm not saying it is ideal, but it's hardly worth getting freaked out over, is it? I mean I am disgusted when a man of 30 takes advantage of a girl of, say, 15, but, then again, a woman in her 30's or older is a grown up so I say live and let live.

since when did having a baby mean closeting oneself in the house without being able to go out? Maybe in the first few weeks while you are establishing bf, getting over the trauma of giving birth etc, but at seven months? come on. No wonder employers etc have such a dim view of mothers if this is the attitude - that having a baby is somehow a life-limiting experience and the world should just be understanding of that.

And erm, post grad studies? at 38? so a professional student then?

I wouldn't be at all happy if my dad shacked up with a woman that was younger than me and then went on to have a baby with her. Nothing wrong with being upset about that - he should grow up.

maybe it's the woman taking advantage.

I mean let's look at it another way. At 36 she has little going for her, she's still studying so clearly hasn't made much of her life it would seem (speculating but ykwim). She meets a much older bloke who is financially secure, and thinks "ah, I could get me some of that. I mean let's face it if I get pregnant straight away then he is financially bound to me even if the relationship doesn't work out. So she "accidentally" gets pregnant and bingo. home, financial security, no need to keep slogging at that degree that it's taken her twenty years to achieve...

it's not beyond the realms of possibility...

I don't think it's unreasonable to be aggrieved if you're being excluded from your parent's life. The reasons that are given to the OP are just a sham, really. YANBU OP it would piss me off too.

Did I step into some paralleluniverse here? 36 is hardly the younhest ever student to apply for a phd or similar, but. It isn't that outlandish, is it?

The way I see it, you should be grateful that your elderly dad has a younger woman. That way, she'll be looking after him as he gets into his twilight years, and you'll be free to look after your dcs.

Jesus, you need to stop relying on your parent. You're a grown up now. Concentrate on your kids, and let your adult dad live his life with his adult wife, and look after his infant the way he looked after you when you still needed your nappy changed you don't any more get over it

I'm actually glad to be excluded from my parents' lives, and they don't even have your dad's excuse. They bore the very arse off me with their 'guess who's dead' routine

'Guess who's dead' routine. .