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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest Advice-Problem re our house

106 replies

twincrazy · 11/01/2012 13:31

We moved will be 2yrs this July into a house that was abit out of reach mortgage wise, but we needed a 4th bedroom, and DH wanted to push himself mortgage wise. We live in a nice area, and the house is lovely.

BUT...the problem is this

When we looked around, we knew it all needed doing up, and we moved in with about 60k, the lounge was a massive overhaul and was done in the summer taking out about 20k roughly.

Our bedroom has been gutted back to plaster and so has the our little girl next to us.

My husband is very very good at DIY and can do everything apart from plumbing

But he only gets one day off a week and is doing the house up in this time, it has even got to the stage since October that he has been rewiring the house

The bottom line is I HATE living like this - I want it done now, but everytime I bring it up..it causes a row.

I have been told the money is drying up - I have no idea how much we have left and DH will not get any help in.

The boys rooms are just horrid - and it all it will take is filling in holes, new flooring,skirting boards, and painting. All the landings are the same...

Anyway Im not sure what the answer is but its really stressing me out now.

Just thought Id sound it off

OP posts:
blondie80 · 11/01/2012 13:35

think yourself lucky, my dh is absolutely useless at DIY. Envy

noddyholder · 11/01/2012 13:36

How big is the house? I have renovated houses top to bottom for a lot less than 60k using tradesmen. If you arent extending you should be able to get people in.

FredFredGeorge · 11/01/2012 13:36

If all it takes is filling holes and painting and skirting boards. DIY - or do you get no days off a week?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/01/2012 13:38

YANBU to hate it but think of how lovely the house will be once its finished.

When DH and I bought our bungalow it was horrendous - DH is a builder and so we bought a right old ramshakle - we lived on one room for 5 months, had no heating, no hot water etc etc....granted we didnt have kids at that stage so it was easier in that respect......but now, we have a lovely house and I am so glad we (well he, lol) did it.

The answer is just be patient, help DH where you can, grit your teeth and wait.

I do sympathise though, I wouldnt want to go through all that mess/dust/crap again!

UterusUterusGhali · 11/01/2012 13:38

Could you make a start? The boys room shouldn't be too hard for a novice.

How come you don't know how much is left? Do you not have access to the bank account?

ViviPru · 11/01/2012 13:38

YANBU to sounds off, I've lived in domestic building sites and its wearing.

Many people are living like this. MANY. I know that probably doesn't help, but its just the way things are right now. Just remind yourself, if you weren't living like this, you'd be living in cramped conditions in a house that may be finished off, but too small.

Do you have any time to do anything yourself? Straightforward jobs like the filling and painting in the boys rooms and landings perhaps? Working on it yourself will help with the way you are feeling as it will help you feel you are moving towards something.

cantspel · 11/01/2012 13:38

I would be daft to do any other rooms until the rewire is done as floors will need to come up and walls chipped out.

Could you not do some of the labouring for your husband to free him up to do more complicated stuff?

DeWe · 11/01/2012 13:39

If all's done in your and your dd's room why don't you paint it with undercoat. It will be plain white, but better than plaster perhaps.

You could probably fill in the holes without dh. (or even the dc can do it if they're old/sensible enough). Get some pollyfiller (powered is cheaper than ready done) and push it in with a palet knife-or a lolly stick works as well.

eurochick · 11/01/2012 13:40

A 60k budget should be loads. If it is drying up, where has it gone? Bathrooms and kitchens cost a lot but it doesn't sound like you have done those-? Can you do work inbetween your husband's one day a week? Some stuff is "skilled" but a lot of DIY isn't really. It just needs a bit of care. Could you do stripping/sanding/painting etc?

sunshineandbooks · 11/01/2012 13:42

It sounds very much as though this is your DH;s project and you've just been swept along with it. I'm not surprised you're not that enthused, and living in a partial building site is really wearing if it goes on long term. You have my sympathy.

I'm afraid I don't have any magic solutions. However, I'd definitely recommend more communication between you and your DH on this. Why don't you know how much money is left? It's your house too! Why won't he have anyone in to help. With some discussion you might be able to make what's money is left stretch a little further or overcome his objections to outside help, but he can't just take 100% of the control over this when it affects the rest of the family. It's a family home not a personal project.

I don't know what your commitments are in terms of work/family, but what about going on a course and learning how to do some DIY yourself? A lot of the less technical stuff is surprisingly easy to do, even for a novice, and might make you feel like this project is yours as well as your DH's.

Hope things improve.

natation · 11/01/2012 13:46

Who is "managing" the project? Surely with 60k you should be allocating amounts to each part of the house and keeping as much to budget as possible, if you don't want to attempt any of the practical stuff yourself.

Why don't you pay someone else to do the work? Increase mortgage?

Bottom line is never spend if you can't afford it.

Original poster
twincrazy · 11/01/2012 13:46

I am totally useless at painting - but it has crossed my mind.

I have suggested calling in some cheap labour to do the boys rooms - but he said thats the easy part and also their floorboards need pulling up so he can do the wiring in the kitchen.

No access to the bank account-but knowing him he will want to save as much as possible for rainy day. And he will do as much as he can himself.

The kitchen is the last of the rooms.

Whats upsetting me the mosts is that I dont have a say, and I just want a nice clean house, nothing materlistic.

The months are dragging into seasons and I just feel like I should be able to have a say too

OP posts:
Kitchentiles · 11/01/2012 13:49

How did you manage to spend £20k on the lounge? That's a third of your budget on one simple room (by simple, I mean not a kitchen or bathroom).

Can you sit down with the budget and see if you can pay someone to get the big stuff done and do the simpler stuff yourselves?

Kitchentiles · 11/01/2012 13:50

The only way to stop being useless at painting is to do more of it. Get stuck in!

coraltoes · 11/01/2012 13:54

I have just restored a double living room in a listed building for far less than 20k. My flooring was solid parquet at £8k and the paint job cost £1k how in gods name did your cost so much?! I think your husband is using the money elsewhere, otherwise how could a DIY job cost that fucking much?!

Grow a pair, look at the accounts and just book the painter/decorator yourself.

PenguinArmy · 11/01/2012 14:03

I'd feel uneasy about being shut out of either finances or decisions, let alone both.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 11/01/2012 14:04

Leave the bastard.

Original poster
twincrazy · 11/01/2012 14:04

The lounge was the down by builders - my husband did the painting and flooring.

The reason why it was so much was because we knocked the ceiling down to make way for a pitched roof with velux windows.

We did shop about and this was the best price and they did a good job.

We have the shower room downstairs back to brick waiting for this cabling job do be finished do make way for electricity into this room, and lights for outside too.

I think his reasoning behind me not knowing is that I dont go and spend it all and also I think he wants to whack some back onto the mortgage

But my opinion is this is totally draining me - I look after the kids 7 days a week - and although I only work part time I find it all abit much.

OP posts:
natation · 11/01/2012 14:09

Why on earth do you not have access to a bank account with your money in it?

Nixea · 11/01/2012 14:10

I second those saying that the first thing I'd want is for him to be upfront about the finances involved. All this guessing and vagueries would leave me feeling very uneasy. If he still refuses then I'd say the house was the least of the problems, sorry.

coraltoes · 11/01/2012 14:10

And this is why I hire and architect and professionals. Oh and also why we have a joint account.

soaccidentprone · 11/01/2012 14:13

Couldn't you both take a couple of weeks off work. Your dh could do the difficult stuff while you clean up after him, pass him tools etc. Have you got any friends who could also help you out for a couple of days?

My dad was like this too - but he used to spend most evenings from 6 till 8 doing stuff as well. But he only ever did one room at a time.

Good luck.

Lueji · 11/01/2012 14:19

No access to the bank account and your OH won't tell you how much is in there?!

I would insist that one room is done at a time.

My ex also liked starting jobs, preferably knocking things down one after the other, but terrible at finishing them. I had to put my foot down at some jobs before others were finished.

If I were you I would get my hands in. Painting is not that difficult and neither is filling holes.
You should make a schedule with your OH and keep to it.

OTheHugeManatee · 11/01/2012 14:20

YANBU to be fed up, and to vent, and I'd definitely feel a bit concerned about your DH being so close about the exact situation re funds. It does sound a bit like he doesn't trust you not to just fritter money away.

But it does sound as though your DH is working incredibly hard if he's putting in a 6-day week at work and spending the 7th on house renovations. If he's not getting any time off at all he might be behaving a bit unreasonably because he's just worn out - eg having a bad reaction when you suggest getting workmen in because he feels like you don't trust him to do a good job.

OTheHugeManatee · 11/01/2012 14:21

Also agree with the other posters who say get stuck in and help. Loads of DIY type stuff (eg filling, painting etc) is really not difficult, just takes patience and perseverance.