To drop out of hen weekend?

[emmam25]

An old school friend is getting married and when she first asked about her hen weekend I agreed to go, paid £50 deposit. Since then I have had a baby and my OH has lost his job. This week I had an email about the hmmm weekend saying it would cost another £300 which I simply cannot afford, paying our bills has to come first. So I have had to say I cannot go. I did this the same day as the email arrived saying the cost of the weekend. The bride-to-be has sent a very snotty email saying that I should have said sooner as everyone else now has to cover the cost of my place on the weekend. But I only dropped out because it is so much more than I had anticipated and the full cost was only mentioned now, previously there had only been talk about "keeping costs down" and I'd expected half what it's costing. Am I being unreasonable considering the total cost has only just been revealed?

Thinking more about it, the fact no costs have been mentioned up until now is not on.
I would offer the bride £50 maybe £75 towards their kitty and say you are really sorry you cannot afford to go but want to make some contribution.

1076 stag/hen dos!!!!!????

quick given how awful the bride is being I'd just pull out and not offer out. The bride is bridezillaing here.

not out, anything!

Vivipru,are you a professional hen doer?! :o

Find out the name of the hotel and whatever else she has booked and ring them personally and cancel yourself off. The bride probably just hasn't sat and worked it all out properly yet.

Doesnot I don't think the bride has acted awfully. She has just said the op should have informed her earlier.

heheh well I was exaggerating a leetle bit, but last week we were trying to work out how many weddings we'd been involved in and we actually couldn't put a figure to it. so now I just pluck a silly figure out of the sky.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID NEVER THE EFFING BRIDE [Vangry]

I think she has quick. A proper friend would understand that it's a ridiculous amount of money, that she wasn't up front about - the OP said yes without knowing it would be £350 in the first place.

Then bridey didn't bother to even try and understand why the OP has to drop out - unexpected baby, job loss. A true friend would care not be a huge cow. TBH, I think bridey's out of order asking folk to pay £350 for the hen, plus going to the wedding, plus a gift for them...

THREE HUNDRED QUID??? fuck me, that's ludicrous. Who has that kind of money lying around. YANBU.

Maybe organise your hen do Vivi? That could be a big old hint!

FFS £300 extra EACH, are you paying for the wedding?

As others have said, that's a bonkers amount of money.

The brides reaction is knee jerk, and she'll probably calm down. If not, hey ho you won't need to lose weight for a new dress at the wedding

I agree the bride should have informed everyone much sooner of the costs. Even if everyone could easily afford £350 it's just common decency to give people plenty of notice.

Thought about it Icelolly!

I agree with Fig

The bride is out of order expecting her hens (not just our OP) to cough up that sort of cash with no prior indication of what the costs would be, and then get the massive arse when her friend explains what a shitty time she's having, and saying she should have 'said sooner' which is frankly, idiotic.

Anyway, OP, what's the nature of this gilt-edged hen do? Where are they going? What do you get for your £350?

Being v nosey can we ask what the hen do consists of? UK pamper weekend, Spanish piss up?

Do you know, I'm going to stick my neck out here & say I don't think it's a huge amount of money for a weekend away IF it includes all meals, accomodation and travel.

That said, if you can't afford it, you can't asked it and she should understand.

great minds, Newmummy

I would normally say that it's wrong to cancel for things like hen nights which are a big deal to the person it is for and a nightmare to organise. But as you never knew it was going to cost that much, I dont think yabu. I'd guess that you won't be the only one being surprised by a price that big being dropped on you, especially if the bride is inviting people that she isn't in regular close contact with.

Brides and their BM's have to take some responsibility when things like this happen, and I have very little respect for people who expect their friends to spend that much money on a night or weekend of their choosing. Especially when friends feel obligated to go because of it being a hen night. And friends probably want to go to support the bride, but get priced out by grabby bridezillas. I think your friend probably cares more about saying she had her hen night in x fancy location than she does about being able to spend the time with her friends.

I'd also like to know if any indication was given at deposit stage as to the nature of the weekend.

It puts a different spin on things, OP if at deposit stage mention had been made of possible foreign travel etc. I think I'd probably expect to have to spank around the £300 mark if I knew we'd be all off to the Med...

It sounds to me as though you've left it quite late to tell them you can't go.

I do sympathise with you, but I think it's very unfair on other people in the party if they have to pay more. I wouldn't be happy if I was asked to pay extra to make up for someone who had changed their mind (for whatever reason).

I really would try and cancel myself direct with the companies and then find out from the horses mouth whether any money will be lost.

One thing though, you got pregnant after you had paid the deposit did you not think then that you might not be up for going with the expense of the baby or that you might not want to leave for what sounds like a full on weekend? Maybe that was the time to cancel. Or maybe you thought you would be well up for a party?

It must be abroad, for that price? Marbella? Ibiza? Morrocco?

I'd love to know where this do is taking place. £300 is mega-bucks!

How can she have left it late, redwine if she declined the very day she was told what the costs would be?

If I were another hen I'd be pissed off too, but not at emmam, at the organiser for dropping the £300 bomb on us at a stage when it was not possible to decline!

If a friend of mine had just had an unplanned baby and her husband had lost his job while she was on maternity leave, the last thing I'd feel comfortable doing would be chasing her up for £300 for one weekend away! I'd probably be quietly asking the others if there was any way of making it more affordable for her, if anything.

YANBU OP.

Firstly, what kind of friend has a go at a new mother whose husband has lost his job?
Secondly, as other sensible posters have said, you can usually contact a hotel direct and cancel before you get there.

Thirdly, don't listen to that "you should have said" bollocks. The bride/organsier "should have said" you'd be looking at £350 plus spends for a weekend away.

Fourthly, can Brides please get their heads round the bloody fact that people with kids don't and can't put a wedding and its associated costs BEFORE putting food in their children's mouths?

If the dropping out is causing extra cost then it hasn't been very well organised. Has the trip been insured? Have you got travel insurance with a bank account or anything? Did nobody imagine in their wildest dreams that anyone might not be able to make it a year hence? What if you'd been in hospital with your leg in traction- would they still have a go at you then for not putting a friend's wedding above and beyond the rest of your life?

Badly organised panicky guilt tripping if you ask me.