Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
JugglingWithSnowballs · 10/01/2012 17:58

I think you explain how strongly you feel about it and tell him it's not on and not to do it again. Can explain that DS might learn to climb out of his cot even if he never has yet. But I would forgive him for it. I think a lot of forgiveness is needed in life - and he didn't intentionally do something harmful and no harm was done. He just could have thought things through more and taken more account of how you would feel about it.
How you both move on from this is what really matters now ( including DH learning not to do it again )

VeryStressedMum · 10/01/2012 17:59

To buy CIDER!!!!!!!!!????????? Is he an alcoholic who cannot be without a drink that he has to leave his small child in the house in order to go and get some?

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 17:59

I am assuming, as Larry, that with the amounts he had to drink, he was mortified that he had allowed himself to be so drunk in sole charge of his child, that he had to go out for more alcohol. Something is not right her.

JugglingWithSnowballs · 10/01/2012 18:04

Interesting you didn't say " My husband left our 18 mth old ..."
But my
Perhaps he needs to take more responsibility for DS in general ( whether or not he is DSs natural Father )

larrygrylls · 10/01/2012 18:05

I just don't find that a normal amount to drink while on a quiet night in with one's child. I would think that anyone who behaved like that had an alcohol problem which needed urgently addressing.

If he genuinely was only gone 5 mins, well, I would not do it but would be hesitant to blame anyone who did. How can 2-3 mins (as one poster above has suggested) be fine but 5 mins be absolutely awful?

MardyBra · 10/01/2012 18:09

Haven't read the whole thread. I presume the OP is getting a flaming for using "hubby" in the thread title...

SardineQueen · 10/01/2012 18:10

She hasn't said that he went out to buy more, in the posts that I can see.

I imagined he went out to get the booze in the first place.

Popping to the shop doesn't bother me so much. He did have a fair amount to drink though which is less impressive to my mind.

ISpyPlumPie · 10/01/2012 18:25

Well, I'd be pretty angry too. Just don't think it's worth risking leaving a toddler home alone for any length of time however remote the risks might seem. Having said that, I certainally wouldn't end my marriage over it especially if he was sorry and you were confident it wouldn't happen again.

The thing that would potentially set alarm bells ringing is if he went out because he felt he needed alcohol. I take the point that many parents have a couple of drinks when in charge of children, but imho there's a big difference between drinking something you've already got in and feeling so strongly that you've got to have a drink there and then you'd rather leave your child alone than wait for you DP to get home or just wait for another night altogether.

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 18:26

I cannot believe there are people questioning whether or not this is a big deal. You Do Not Leave A Toddler Alone To Buy Cider. What is so fucking hard about that to understand?

I don't mean to play a trump card here, but I am a single parent to 2 v small children - 4 years and 21 months old. My husband is dead, therefore I am truly a single parent. I live in a small village with a shop about a 2/3 minute walk away. There is nothing that would compel me to go to that shop while my 2 girls are sleeping. As it is not a responsible thing to do. I have to take the bins out (thankfully not to the end of the lane anymore), but I plan it so that either the girls are out with me or that they come with me (both try and pull the bins themselves). Nappies, capol, whatever, both children would come with me if I absolutely had to go out for urgent supplies.

There must be at least a weekly national news story of a whole family being wiped out in a fire. Just about everything carries a risk: driving your car is probably one of the. But you mitigate those risks. I wouldn't leave very young children alone in the bath - how the fuck would I feel if they died while I went to answer a fecking PPI call? Or if they died when I went to buy cider at the local shop? I would have to kill myself, which in turn would kill my mother.

OP, your DH was wrong. From what I have read, he has taken this and admitted his mistake. So it wouldn't seem that it should be a deal breaker in your marriage: just a lesson learned for him.

For all others proclaiming that there is nothing wrong with leaving a toddler while popping out to buy some booze, I suggest you take a very good long hard look at yourselves and ask why you think this is the case. It is not a good thing to do and is incredibly bad and irresponsible parenting.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 10/01/2012 18:29

When DD was 18mths, DH and I were invited to a posh no-kids birthday do during the day. A relative of mine babysat for me. She went to get something from her car while DD was sleeping in her cot. Unfortunately the front door shut behind her and she was locked outside with DD inside. My relative's handbag with her mobile, and, hence, my mobile number were all inside the house. My relative panicked and didn't know what to do. After a while, she listened through the letterbox and could hear DD crying fairly forcefully, which swiftly turned to hysterically Sad. In the end, next door's son forced open a slightly ajar window and squeezed through to open the front door. DD had got her arm caught in the bars of her cot, which is prob why she screamed so much. All's well that end's well, but not a good day in the Barksdale household.

himynameisfred · 10/01/2012 18:34

popping out for literally 5 minutes across the road to a shop while a baby is securely in its cot, sleeping, I actually don't see the problem.

Is it because it was for cider and nothing important?

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 18:37

Popping out for 'literally' 5 minutes across the road to a shop while a baby is securely in its cot, sleeping is actually a problem. Not for alcohol, not for anything. As a parent you have to assess and then mitigate risks. To do otherwise makes you a very, very poor parent. Imo.

himynameisfred · 10/01/2012 18:38

I did this, when I was completely on my own and had to run across the road to get electric from the shop as the meter had ran out and the house was black wityh no lights or anything, I couldn't have arranged to get my tot all out of bed and dressed and in a pram in the dark anyway.
I was gone 5 minutes, scary obviously.

Yeah it's probably not good unless it's necessary :/ hmm

himynameisfred · 10/01/2012 18:39

what if the shop is the same distance as the end of the garden for some posh people, are they also neglectful to go out of 30 metre distance range?

Bogeyface · 10/01/2012 18:44

Yes Himynameis, when I go to the bottom of our garden, I take the baby monitor for exactly this reason. I dont know what is going on the house whilst I am sortng the bins out do I?

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 18:45

Why would 'posh people' being going to the end of their 2/3 minute walk garden while their toddler was asleep. Fwiw, a 2/3 minute walk is a heck of a lot longer than a 30 meter distance. Fuck me, Usain Bolt can run 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. Okay, perhaps he's a tad faster than most people....but I know what a 2/3 minute walk is as it's the distance from my house to my local shop. Wouldn't do it. Not for booze, not for food, not for electricity. The children would come with me.

belgo · 10/01/2012 18:46

I know people who take the baby monitor into the garden with them.

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 18:49

Is he a pisshead tramp, cos he sounds like it.

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 18:50

And actually, getting a toddler up, into something warm and carrying him for 5 minutes is going to potentially do less harm than leaving him alone for 5 minutes.

Of course (pride comes before a downfall, so I am very hesitant to sound smug), being prepared is always the best precaution: make sure you have enough in your meter so you don't lose light; enough food; enough nappies; spare calpol; enough booze....That probably explains my need to multi-buy everything, which probably needs a new thread entirely Smile

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 18:50

Why are you with someone who HAS to drink, there is a difference, these woman who have to have a glass of wine have a problem when it becomes a necessity to a pleasant evening.

Want is one thing, having is when there is a problem, he clearly has one.

SardineQueen · 10/01/2012 18:51

Rindercella to do the gardening while the baby naps in the daytime. To take scraps to the compost heap. That kind of thing.

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 18:52

sardinequeen, that is what baby monitors are for, surely?

SardineQueen · 10/01/2012 18:53

I imagine lots of people go to the compost heap or do a spot of gardening without a baby monitor. Lots of people don't even have baby monitors.

SardineQueen · 10/01/2012 18:54

Anyway you asked why they would go down the garden as if it was a strange thing to do. They are some of the reasons.

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 18:55

And not many people have a garden a 2-3 minute walk from their house. If they do, they probably do not need to worry as the nanny will be on hand. Seriously, my mother's house is in about an acre. None of that garden is 2-3 minutes away from the house. Now, the rest of her property might be, but I would not venture that far leaving my toddler sleeping alone. Call me responsible