To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

[Tinaland]

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

I was thinking of placing sleeping toddler in buggy, Posy, or even carrying sleeping toddler in my arms (used to do rather a lot of that kind of thing as we travelled a lot in dd's toddler days and always on public transport)- I don't remember it being that difficult

and the bits about putting shoes on and finding keys would be the same with or without toddler, would they not?

I'd go if it was a door or two down, or across the street. But that's it.

Chipping .... It wasn't a criticism, it read as if you were saying you would but had not .... Hence I wondered whether you had thought about it and not.

At know point was I demanding you explain yourself

And Chipping that's exactly the point I was making, the logic says to me it's the same, but I know I physically couldn't shut the door and go to the shop if I had one. But thank you for making my own point back at me with the helpful addition of pointing out my spelling mistakes

And I am not "handwringing" thank you.

Social services will take your kids from you if you pop out for 5 minutes?

Yeah perhaps if the children and caucasian, abled bodied cuties, aged 1 and under, looking very adoptable.
See if they'd act the same otherwise, with a non adoptable child.

I've seen social services in and out of peoples lives all my childhood, they don't give a flying fuck about 'protecting' children who're past their sell by date or unadoptable in some way.

I've seem people keep their kids over much worse, FAR FAR worse.
After them hitting their children on camera and with witnesses in several cases.

They rarely take kids, unless there's a reasonable adoptable opportunity from what I've seen.

SS will take your kids, for leaving them for 5 minutes providing they are not mixed race or of ethnic minority, have any mental or physical disability, or if the parents and of middle upper class therefor have access to good legal help, in which cases they won't bother coming near

Oh my goodness.

Some of the responses here are completely ridiculous.

For those so worried about a baby falling out of its cot - why are your babies in cots in the first place if they're at an age where they're able to fall out? Buy them a bed! That's worse parenting than going to the shop - and the chances of a serious head injury much higher than your child dying in a house fire in 5 minutes.

Anyway, in terms of the OP, my initial reaction was one of concern. But, upon reflection I think it was more because he went to get cider and was drinking considerable amounts while in charge of a small child than the 5 minutes the child was left.

But that comes from me that regularly leaves my toddler asleep in a flat while I go and take the bins out which probably takes a good few minutes. From risk assessing though, it's far more dangerous to be carting heavy bags and balancing him down 2 flights of stairs than leaving him alone.

Sorry that was not meant to be offensive. There was just so much to take in.

To fred. ^

For me there would be a number of issues I wouldn't be able to resolve easily if this were my DH:

1. Leaving toddler alone at home whilst venturing out.
2. Leaving toddler at home whilst venturing out to buy alcohol.
3. Consuming the equivalent of 5 pints of alcohol whilst in sole charge of toddler.
4. being 'tipsy' whilst in charge of toddler.

I don't think I could trust DH to be in that situation again for a very long time, but he's your DH & only you can determine whether his actions are acceptable (suspect not if you've posted here). If it was my DH I would look at him in a new (& not very flattering) light.

IMO if you're too drunk to be in charge of a vehicle, you're too drunk to be in charge of a child but then I am rather boring when it comes to excessive drinking & looking after children, for me & dh 5 pints is excessive but accept for others it may be the 'norm'.

HowlingBitch

It's just reality from the numurous things I've seen (seen, not hoped to be the case).

Honeydragon - had you said the same thing without the passive/agressive smiley or actually said 'did you think about it and change your mind' or something, I might have taken it the way you say you intended it... the PA smiley puts a rather different skew on it from the readers POV.

& nah, you don't have to try harder with your spelingz - I don't give a rats ass, I just don't want the pedants' on my ass for something that's not my doing

There are shades of grey in this, and everyone has slightly different lines drawn which they will go so far and no further. I don't think this necessarily makes it wrong, just something that you personally wouldn't risk.

We have shops a few minutes walk away, and my DH works away from home a lot. I wouldn't dream of leaving my 2 DDs in bed while I popped to the shops. I have a takeaway restaurant right opposite, and I could possibly consider popping across the road to pick up a takeaway (I never have and probably never will because I seldom do takeaways and because they are white).

I do know someone who, by her own admission, regularly took her 3 year old to preschool (about 5 minutes walk, crossing a few quite busy roads) while her 1 year old was asleep in bed by himself. Now, I found myself getting a bit judgey about that one.

Yeah, I forgot that the smiley is used for purposes of evil in AIBU, mind you that's a whole other thread in itself .

I may ask if we can have two, one for PA users and the original for people like me who are trying to emphasise that they are not trying to pick apart a post but think the poster had actually made a good valid point that they want to elaborate on

YANBU

Does DP have a drink problem?

Rephrase it to him as "for that 5 minuites cider was more important than your child"

5 minutes doesn't bother me, buying quite a bit of booze does.

Him- state the time period that you are talking about. The CP system changed dramatically after the 2004 Children's Act. From what i have seen and done as a CP SW, it isn't about adoptability. You would lose residency in a case like this. Admitingly SW's were told to back off and allow for 'cultural differences', but that is no longer the case.

For those saying it is no big deal, well any illegal act is no big deal, until you are caught. I just don't see why you would put ypur child at risk over a non essential item, not that i think that there is ever a need to leave a child under two alone. When i say, at risk, i mean at risk of removal, until the investiagation is complete.

Just to add you cannot quote child protection from the past, there are constant changes in policy. There will probably be another one since we have just had a murder similar to V Climbie, over Christmas, that will involve children traveling into the UK without their parents.

Guidelines from each LA can vary. The point is that the OP has everyright to be angry. As i said take what chances you want with your own children, but the OP could have come home to find her child removed and the polie wanting to question her.

Every night I leave my young children alone in the dark by theirselves for hours at a time. I'm not drunk and awake, I'm completely out for the count.

For I be sleeping.

Birds that is toss surely. I used to go out and mow the lawn while my baby was asleep. According to you this means that if anyone had called SS they would immediately have come and removed my child?

You should not propagate shit-scary nonsense like that on a parenting website you know. You do it all the time/

So if someone nips out for any reason for a couple of mins SS will come and take their children, no ifs no buts.

That is drivel. You should not be saying these things on here. Seriously. It is stuff like your pronouncements that make people dither about ringing SS where there are serious problems.

Still amazed by the number of people who are vitriolic about being out of contact with a toddler for 5 mins versus those that are concerned about the amount of alcohol consumed.

"Tipsy"?! You would be fairly hammered after that amount and certainly not capable of looking after a toddler. And that would be for hours, not just 5 mins. I think the reactions on this thread starkly outline how tolerant most MNers are about drinking really quite a lot in front of children versus other risks.

And, as for risk assessment, of course there is no need to pop out at all for alcohol (or anything else bar saving someone else's life) but, on the other hand, nor is there any need to take your family for a drive into the countryside or to a children's zoo. I would wager, on a risk assessment basis, that the two latter activities would be riskier.

I agree with you larry.

Probably for the first and last time!