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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 10/01/2012 21:10

Sorry, not good at letting complete arsewipes go unchallenged... Should learn, but don't Blush

AnyFucker · 10/01/2012 21:12

och not worth worrying about Smile

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/01/2012 21:22

Sidge sums it up pefectly...

Prioritising the purchase of alcohol over the safety of a child makes someone an absolute twat IMO.

And I love all the hard nuts swaggering in and showing off how long they've left their babies alone and for what pointless reason, like we should all bow down in admiration instead of just thinking they're a little bit stupid.

Malificence · 10/01/2012 21:27

I used to go to the Naafi shop, 2 mins up the road from our house, while DD was asleep in her cot, I figured it was much safer than leaving her in her pram outside ( as they didn't allow prams in the shop) not quite the same as buying cider at night to get pissed but still. This was on a military base in germany 21 years ago. I would run up, get milk etc. run back
I'm pretty sure it's not that uncommon to leave a baby unattended for a couple of minutes and bad things can happen when you are in the house too, anyone recall the case of the woman who died in the bath then her baby and toddler starved to death ?

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 21:32

Hey AF I been busy deleting my dating profiles. Will check mail.

NewYearEverything · 10/01/2012 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeydragon · 10/01/2012 23:01

yes, when I found it I rather appreciated the date in regards to this thread

dandelionss · 10/01/2012 23:03

Honeydragon- because (1) they are older children who are more mobile and more able to get into trouble (2) more likely to be frightened (3) the shop was a 7 minute walk each way ie minimum of 20 mins gone not just 54 mins.

Birdsgottafly · 10/01/2012 23:05

The OP has everyright (as would any parent) to be furious, If anything had of happened the child would be removed out of the parents care under "being at risk of phsyical harm". Both would need to have parenting assessments done, the OP's partner to assess the extent that his drinking impact on his parenting ability and the OP to acertain that she is cabable of adequetely safeguarding the child. This would take a minimum of three months, whilst having to make do with supervised contact Unless another family member is able to take the child, he would be in foster care, all for the sake of buying cider.

Doesn't really matter what posters think, it is against the law to leave such a young child home alone.

HowlingBitch · 10/01/2012 23:09

Where has Auntie gone BTW?

OP what he did was wrong full stop. Tell him it must never happen again unless completely necessary (as in the link above).

Birdsgottafly · 10/01/2012 23:12

It is never necessary to leave a child so young at home alone. The OP would have had money on her to get a taxi home, if there is an emergancy then she should be contactable and return home. It is a matter of being organised before you go on a night out and getting your priorities right.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 10/01/2012 23:15

Substitute - milk for cider. Walk to the shops is 2 minutes. 5 minutes round trip.

Substitute - mowed the lawn, checked the baby every 15 minutes.

Is everyone still up in arms? Or is it the Cider that is being judged??

We have a shop 2 doors down - I would leave a sleeping child while I went to get something - I am much quicker doing that than I am bringing in a load of washing and I'm actually nearer the house too Grin but I bet only a few nutty MNers no one would be having a cornonary over that.

Whether he was drunk or not when the OP got home is another thread entirely.

Birdsgottafly · 10/01/2012 23:19

But it is up to you if you want to risk losing residency of your child. When you leave someone else in charge, even the other parent, there is a matter of trust.

All you listed are household tasks, buying cider late at night isn't.

HowlingBitch · 10/01/2012 23:25

Shock Chipping! You don't bring your five year old in a sling with you while you collect your washing?!

Honeydragon · 10/01/2012 23:26

Yes but when you know they are restless do you check they are ok and are in squawking distance more or less?

Interesting you said would not had Chipping Smile

I left dd (2) asleep in her bed to watch ds walk to the end of the road this morning, I noticed next door but one had left her Avon book out so nipped up and collected it. I was out the house for 5 minutes, but the font door was open and I could here inside. So logically I would have been able to shut the door lock it and get to the shop like the ops dh, but their is no way I could do that IYSWIM?

Honeydragon · 10/01/2012 23:27

front, hear ..sorry

solidgoldbrass · 10/01/2012 23:36

I do think most people are over-reacting to the fact that it was cider he wanted. And that doesn't necessarily mean 'raging alcoholic' - it just meant he fancied some cider like he might have fancied a Mars Bar or a can of Fanta or soemthing - a non-essential item. And he thought that it was safe enough to leave a sleeping child in order to pop to the shop. Not everyone would agree - clearly not everyone agrees that it's safe to leave a sleeping child for a quick nip to the shop. But lots of people do it and it doesn't immediately rain hammers on the child's cot, and doing so means that you have decided it's a reasonable risk, not that you are a deranged selfish monster who hates your own children.

Birdsgottafly · 10/01/2012 23:43

I was just explaining what would happen, if an accident had occured, or a neighbour made a phone call to the police or SS. It's personal choice, but people do need to know what the outcome could be.

Only the OP can judge, knowing where she lives, but she does have the right to demand that the child isn't left, whilst that young.

MollieO · 10/01/2012 23:50

Not read the entire thread but if it is 2/3 minutes walk each way that's 6 mins plus time in shop. Minimum 10 minutes out and then drinks enough to be well over the limit. No problem with having drink whilst at home with the children but personally I wouldn't drink so much that I couldn't drive if I was home alone with a young child.

There are lots of things I'd like to pop to the shops to get in the evening but can't unless I wake ds and take him with me.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 10/01/2012 23:54

It's much riskier to cross the road with your child than it is to leave them in bed for a few minutes. Some people need to get this in perspective. It's not perfect parenting but it's not neglect either. Just a judgment call which we all make all the time.

cory · 10/01/2012 23:56

I am always posting on these threads to say children should be left alone and gain independence and all the rest of it.

But that is talking about 9-10 year olds, not toddlers; for an older child you balance the risk against the value of a learning experience. Hard to see what an 18mo could learn from this, but the drawbacks are clear: if the child wakes they might well get upset and/or into trouble and SS would take a dim view of the setup.

Besides, how difficult is it to pop a sleepy toddler in a buggy?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 10/01/2012 23:58

Honeydragon - I don't know why you find that so interesting?Hmm However, as you seem to feel it's important that I explain myself... I have not had a toddler in a cot since I've lived in this house, near a shop, but if I did I would pop down to the shop if I wanted something. Wringing your hands and saying 'but their (sic) is no way I could do that' is mad when the difference between what you did and what the Op's DH did is leave the door open... and of course buy 'cider' and not collect an Avon catalogue.

Howling - No, remiss of me isn't it Grin

SGB - well said.

Birdsgottafly · 11/01/2012 00:02

Ghoul- it is neglect in the eyes of the law and SS.

Birdsgottafly · 11/01/2012 00:08

To those that leave their toddlers alone, if one of your neighbours call the police, you child will be removed under a Police Protection Order or Emergancy Protection Order, no if or buts. That is alot to put a child through, just to 'pop the shops' for a non essential item.

Read my ealier post, you would be looking at around three months minimum to get them back.