To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

[Tinaland]

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

:)

I used to live a couple of minutes walk from a shop. I ran out of milk when I was on my own with dd1 asleep. I did without and cursed myself for not being more organised, same when I was craving chocolate with PMT. I just couldn't leave her alone like that.

I have learnt on Mnet and in RL to not even talk about alcohol consumption and certainly not mention I don't drink as it makes me a social pariah.

Although I prefer Mnet as when mentioned on here, people don't go "oh, I always thought you were interesting"

Rindercella - And people routinely drive their children along A roads / dual carriageways (the most dangerous roads in our country, I think?) for non-essential purposes. To go and buy wine, even, or visit friends, or those other little things that people do for non-essential pleasure. Push your baby across a busy junction in a buggy to buy cigarettes? Take your baby in pushchair along a pavement on a windy county road along which cars speed and may mount the pavement to go to the shop for bread milk, or god forbid a bottle of Lambrini? Perfectly normal behaviour.

The 'risk mitigation' that the OPs DH did no doubt included clocking that the toddler was a) asleep in a cot which b) he cannot get out of. I doubt he would have nipped to the shop had the toddler being toddling around in the kitchen, while he went of for his non-essential pleasure be it cider, mars bar or fanta.

This situation seems to have become a magnet for everyone's projected issues. SS will take the child away? Amidst loads of posters claiming that they would break up the family and the bond between a child and it's father as the best outcome of this situation. Is any of that REALLY in the best interests of the child?

Of course SS will not take a child who is fit, well, happy, clothed, fed, not bruised or bashed because it was left asleep in a cot for 5 mons. Not a child of any description.

Larry - if my DH had 5 pints over the course of an evening he wouldn't be "hammered" - alcohol affects people in different ways depending on size of person, amount of food eaten, how long a period of time it was drunk over surely? It's all so speculative this thread!

Not saying that I'd be too pleased to get home and find out he'd drunk that much mind - just saying we don't know all the facts do is hard to make generalisations.

It is a lot to drink while in by yourself in sole charge of a little one.

For me personally that is more of a potential concern than the popping out part of it.

Yes it is hard to say one way or another - but that's the way round I would see it and it's interesting that most others see it the other way around.

Haven't read the whole thread so this has probably all been said, but in my opinion - totally unacceptable. The chances of 'something bad' happening in 5 minutes are slim. But who cares about slim??

Things that can happen in 5 minutes:

Toddler attempts (for first time) to get out of cot, falls
Toddler has coughing/choking episode
Toddler wakes and cries for a parent

Dad gets knocked over. Nobody knows Toddler is home alone
Fire breaks out
Intruder breaks in
Dad gets mugged
Dad slips and falls and is delayed getting home

All VERY unlikely but that's not the point is it. We have all had that moment where we think 'bugger, I need milk' but you just don't. You go without. For me, I think the fact it was cider does make it worse, just because I think of all the times I have gone without milk/tea/bread etc rather than do a 3 minute round trip to shop and leave DCs. Mine are 4 and 6 now and I still wouldn't do it even though they are so engrossed in tv/food/toys/drawing/fast asleep they probably wouldn't even notice they'd probably be fine.

I think the fact that he is sorry means you can put it down to a learning curve but something never to be repeated.

Yes, it's all been said.
But you haven' read any of the responses or alternative viewpoints.

I agree it would be a right faff to get your toddler out of bed to go to the shop for cider (or milk, or bread) which is why I would wait until the next day to get said items. It isn't an emergency so no need to leave a child whatsoever.
And we don't personally use the car for non-essential journeys either. DH uses it for work and we use it for non-walkable distances. Me and the kids regularly walk 2hrs into town and back along quiet roads because it's cheap and we enjoy the exercise well I do and the kids get bribed. And I do at our neighbour who takes the car for a 1 minute walk to the shop. By the time they have got in and out of the car they would be quicker walking!
Comparing the risk of leaving a toddler to the risk of leaving the house/crossing the road/taking a shit is silly as these are things people have to do.

You do know that this is against the law and social services would be involved for something like this?? five minutes is along time , anything could happen .
This is totaly irisposible and should not be tolerated at all . a child should not be left Home alone for 1 minute let alone five .

belle yes a social worker has already been on to say if this was reported SW and police would come and take child/ren away and they would lose custody

So you don't need to worry on that score

I don't know what social services stance is on removing children when their carer is gone for one minute though, unfortunnately.

An old neighbour of ours left their 2 year old unattended in the garden whilst they were in the house. The toddler took himself across a very busy road and on to a path going over a river, at which point another neighbour spotted him, assumed one of his parents were not far behind him, a few moments later realised no parent was with him, then lost sight of the 2 year old, he ran back to the 2 year old's house to find the parents there, 999 call and half an hour later, they find the 2 year old in the local supermarket sitting next to the tills!!! Well for another neighbour it was the final straw and he phoned Social Services. The boy wasn't taken off the family but they did eventually put a lock on their garden gate, their front door etc. Small children are very very unpredictable, why on earth would anyone want to take unnecessary risks with their children? Ok you don't need to have them within your site at all times, but you need to stay nearby and be able to respond to their needs. A 5 minute walk away is going to be out of sight and out of hearing of the OP's child. All for some cider.

"if this was reported SW and police would come and take child/ren away and they would lose custody"
oh come on - SW would investigate and see if one off/ other issues/ other evidence of neglect etc. they not going to suddenly get a care order in court for one such incident.

if baby found alone and it was literally five minutes then by the time they broke in and began to cart baby off to emergency foster care the dad would have been back anyway.

they might rap knuckles and put family on watch for few months. they might investigate and interview mum dad school etc.

but one incident wont trigger parents losing "custody" (which doesnt exist legally anyway its residence and care orders etc )

Any controlled criers on this thread?

Child doesn't know whether you a sitting outside the door or popping to the shop.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Yourchildshealthandsafety/Yourchildssafetyinthehome/DG_070594
quote
There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ?in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health? (Children and Young Person?s Act).
end quote

interpretation of likely - it was highly unlikely (risk assessment)

was the child - sleeping in a cot - likely to suffer uneccesarily or get an injury?
answer - highly unlikely

was the child likely to suffer injury if fatehr gets highly drunk and then goes and beats him up because he has a history of doing this? well yeh maybe - but no history recorded here (and in that case motehr would be held liable for leaving baby in his care)

prosecution does not necessarily equate to losing residency

Belle - have you got firm proof that SS would really investigate something like this - from experience (within my own family and through voluntary work) where SS are really needed they are very slow to do anything.

Seeker - yes, I have in the past ignored by child's cries for some time whilst dong CC (much more than 5 mins to get a bottle of cider)- no doubt SS would have take him away if they knew .

If you're sat downstairs watching TV for 45 minutes and you don't hear anything, what do you do? Do you worry? NO...Exactly. Even though anything "could" be going on upstairs.
Not really acceptable I agree, but 5 min to me isn't really a problem.

If I'm sat downstairs watching TV, I leave the door open so I can hear a child fall, cough excessively, and I would certainly hear a smoke alarm etc.

Wouldn't be able to hear any of that if I am at the local shop standing in the queue waiting to be served.

The social worker on the thread was quite unambiguous about how SS would treat the OP if they found out.

I found it hard to believe myself, but there it is.

Seeker I don't used controlled crying with ds BUT the baby would find out there was someone there if there was a fire, or if they climbed out of their cot and hit their head/wandered down into the kitchen to play with knives/the cooker, or if they were sick and choked.
A baby who can't climb out of their cot is only that until they do it. And it can be without warning. I had no idea ds could hoof it over a safety gate until I saw him do it. He has never climbed out of his cot because he sleeps in a Grobag which he hasn't learned how to undo (yet!) but I work on the basis that he could climb out if he put his mind to it.
And I doubt ss would be removing a child from a family for them leaving a baby on a one off. But the wouldn't be impressed and you would be told not to do it again. I'm not sure anyone would rather wait for ss involvement than just take that decision for themselves though.

neutrinoghost If I'm sat downstairs for 45 mins and don't hear anything I don't worry. If I hear a crash, retching, crying, footsteps or a smoke alarm I would though. None of which you would hear at the shop.

Two words: Madeleine McCann. I would be fuming.