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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 10/01/2012 20:17

Sorry if already been asked but what are the legalities of leaving a baby like this?

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 10/01/2012 20:22

Coud get done for wilful neglect

adinaabfab · 10/01/2012 20:22

YANBU about H leaving baby alone. however YABU to refer to H caring for his child as babysitting. Hmm

mumblecrumble · 10/01/2012 20:24

She did put it in inverted commars.

adinaabfab · 10/01/2012 20:24

Nought wrong with having a can while in charge of a sleeping baby. what do single parents do?

mumblecrumble · 10/01/2012 20:25

And, as I reckon you're average babysitter would not leave a bbaby alone while popping out to buy booze she is hardly offendng him...

mumblecrumble · 10/01/2012 20:25

What I don;t get is why he didn;t just take the little one with him?

adinaabfab · 10/01/2012 20:25

Nope "doesn't" make it any better, no suree

PenguinArmy · 10/01/2012 20:27

I referred to myself as 'babysitting' when I was the working parent when DH went out, a short hand way of saying I have plans to stay in as partner is otherwise engaged. realises this has been said many times before

goes back to enjoying beer

PocPoc · 10/01/2012 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndieSkies · 10/01/2012 20:33

I did this when there was a corner shop exactly opposite our very narrow street. Less than 5 mins to dash in, pay an back home, house in view the whole time.
Some people could be further away putting emptying kichen peelings into the compost at the end of the garden.
I think leaving a sleeping child in a cot they cannot climb out of for less than 5 mins is a lot less risky than driving them around on dual carriageways, or pushing them across the road in a buggy. And no-one thinks twice about that.

Give him a break.

IndieSkies · 10/01/2012 20:35

But I would not go to a shop 3 minutes walk away.

Proudnscary · 10/01/2012 20:37

My dh did this once - dashed out to get a bottle of wine - when the kids were about 3 and 5. I was so shocked when he told me. He was devastated and ashamed.

I don't think it's right or defensible.

But for my dh it genuinely was a one off.

I didn't even think about booting him out or saying anything more than 'Fucking hell don't ever do that again, will you?' because he was so remorseful. He's never done it again five years on.

Proudnscary · 10/01/2012 20:37

(They were asleep, I was out)

TheOldestCat · 10/01/2012 20:39

Have read the thread thinking how dreadful, but realise I've done similar myself.

I got back from a week away without DH at 11pm with a slumbering DD (4) and DS (18 months) in the car. Thinking DH was home I stopped the car outside our front door and successfully got both children into beds without waking them up. Ithen realised he wasn't yet back from the pub. The car was on double yellows so I jumped in and parked round the corner before racing back to the house.

They were alone for perhaps three minutes but it felt really wrong when I considered it afterwards.

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 20:40

Indie, it is doubtless far less risky than driving. However, when driving your children most people tend to try and mitigate the risk - use child seats and seat belts, try not to drive at 100 miles an hour in a 30 mph zone, look both ways when at a T junction. And more than anything else, you do actually need to drive to get to many places - to school, to clubs, to visit friends and family - thereby socialising your child so that s/he grows up to be a rounded person. Going to a shop to buy cider (or anything else for that matter) is not essential. There is no need for that risk. I repeat, it is an irresponsible and unnecessary thing to do.

Rindercella · 10/01/2012 20:42

(sorry, cross posted with your last post Indie)

KatieMiddleton · 10/01/2012 20:50

Sorry he drank 2 x 750ml bottles of cider and a beer on his own while in sole charge of a baby and you're worried he left the house for 5 minutes??! Shock

WT actual F.

sensesworkingovertime · 10/01/2012 20:53

To be honest furious does not come to mind first, more like shocked and afraid. He's obviously got no idea and just because a baby can't do something one minute they can suddenly do it the next i.e. get out of cot. Not to mention being sick and inhaling it? What if they'd had a coughing fit and needed a drink?

Also, what risks did youDH run to get to shop> Was there a road to cross, if so he might never had made it back to house, 5 mins away or not. He could have been attacked on the way to or from shop. Presumeably it was some kind off offy or late-shop, not always the safest place to be at that time of night. I think he needs to have a good long think about just what he did and you both need to talk this one out before he thinks he can do something equally as stupid again.

Hecubasdaughter · 10/01/2012 20:55

Why do people keep saying you could be in the toilet? It's not the same at all. Going to the toilet is a necessity and unavoidable, everyone has to go at some point.

Going out to buy cider is not a necessity, nice to have perhaps but not a necessity, certainly not something you would suddenly need without warning. Either preplan or do without.. If you are having a drink while in sole charge of a child you shouldn't allow yourself get tipsy.

sensesworkingovertime · 10/01/2012 20:58

This is not a valid argument! People have to drive and cross road to get from A to B, but you don't have to leave your baby unattended at night to go to a shop for cider!!!!!!!!!!

AnyFucker · 10/01/2012 20:59

Hecuba I think people are citing toilet visit/leaning over garden fence scenario etc as being the same as leaving your child out of earshot and the house out of eyeshot as an attempt to rationalise the fact they see nothing wrong with it (and have possibly done it themselves)

It's a human reaction, and pretty successful, judging by some of the reactions on this thread

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 10/01/2012 21:05

Hmm Silver seems... erm... Lovely? Was your sole purpose of joining this thread to insult AF and Fabby?

Anyway, I'm not comfortable with the leaving toddler home alone or drinking whilst in sole care of a child. (FWIW, last time I checked, it's illegal to be drunk whilst being solely responsible for a child) I'm not sure I'm so willing to say "leave him", but I definitely think you need to set some ground rules where he's concerned. His behaviour isn't acceptable.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2012 21:08

it's ok, Frothy

I have myself an admirer from the school of haterrrzz it seems

perhaps it's the same one that sends me abusive pm's

who cares knows ?

whoever it is needs to get a massage or summat

AnyFucker · 10/01/2012 21:09

fabby, I pm'ed you (do you ever acknowledge your pm's woman ?), but sorry you got dragged in too