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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The OFFICIAL AIBU buddy bench/naughty bench thread NO 7

995 replies

ElmoFan · 08/01/2012 16:44

Come hither all those who haven't found their place on mumsnet, have scrapped in Aibu or crossed words in chat. The buddy bench shalt not judge.

The buddy bench will hand out wine and cakes, it will join you on your scoffathons getting pissed

All those who sit on the bench, will have their sins erased and be given a warm welcome and cheerful chat from CheerfulYank, gomummy, tiredmum, teaandcake, valiumredhead and far, far too many more to mention.

Welcome to the buddy bench, we look forward to meeting you all

Oh and don't forget, last one to leave polishes bench and locks up!

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 19/01/2012 17:59

Plain selfish, not to mention incredibly harmful if it was the adult dose Shock

gomummygo · 19/01/2012 19:59

Shock Angry Cheerful that is bloody horrendous!!!!! How did she ever find out? Poor child. Benedryl is strong stuff to begin with!

Hope the little girl has no long term damage. :(

CheerfulYank · 19/01/2012 20:31

Her DD was telling her about her day and just casually mentioned that "and then I took my medicine..." and my friend was like "What?" and her daughter (who is a smart little cookie and notices everything) said "I put a little pink pill on my tongue and swallow it."

So my friend texted the daycare lady and she said "oh, um, it was just a vitamin." Which she shouldn't be giving w/o permission anyway! So my friend asked her DD and she said "no, it's not a vitamin. Can't eat it, have to swallow." She showed her pictures of pills online and her DD said that the Benadryl was it.

So the next day my friend went in and demanded to see them. The daycare lady had put vitamins in a Bendryl container to pretend like that was what she was giving, saying "oh I just keep them in this bottle..." and my friend's DD said "No, those aren't what I swallowed." And the daycare lady was apparently really shaky and nervous. My friend was like, "I AM NOT LEAVING MY DAUGHTER WITH YOU" and left.

She got the woman to admit it over text and then went to the police and the county license place, etc. Angry

She is so upset; she's had her DD there since she was a baby and she feels like she should have know. :( And she's really young (DD born when she was still as teen) and kind of punk-y, lots of tattoos, etc, so she feels judged a lot already I think. I am just fuming on her behalf!

Teaandcakeplease · 19/01/2012 22:03

Good God that lady should never ever be allowed to look after children again Shock Angry

I feel for your friend as I find judginess hard but she sounds like a wonderful mum. I wouldn't have known unless my kid told me either. I just hope the little girl has no long term damage Sad And that your friend doesn't feel guilty. You wouldn't have known, you trust these people with your kid but you cannot see all that goes on.

Original poster
ElmoFan · 20/01/2012 13:14

OMG cheerful :( I've heard and seen some horrible things that go on in some pre-school places , but that is just down right dangerous Angry . Your poor friend must be so worried and upset . Really hope the minder gets what she deserves xx

Yeahhh It's the weekend Smile
Anyone got any nice plans this weekend ?

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 20/01/2012 14:43

Apparently she begged my friend not to tell, saying "I'm so ashamed and it wasn't everyday, my business is all I have..." well, you should have thought of that! Angry

My plans are to clean. :) One of the kids that used to work at the cinema with me before she went off to college is home on winter break, and we are blitzing every room in the downstairs. It feels amazing! :o

Teaandcakeplease · 20/01/2012 17:19

She'll do it again, if she manages to get away with it this time. Any person who behaves like that in private, with someone elses children, who presumes they'll get away with it and no one will know etc is not fit to work with kids iyswim? She has serious issues.

gomummygo · 20/01/2012 18:06

Agree with Tea, she has to be stopped. The poor mum, that means she's had her DD with this woman for years? How awful to have trusted someone with your child for so long and find that out. :( I hope they throw the book at her. Angry

Our plan is to stay warm. It is cold now, like winter. It was -50 at DB's yesterday!!! That is wickedly, dangerously cold. Not quite that bad here, but winter is finally upon us for sure. We had to be plowed THREE TIMES in the last 27 hours. (V. costly)

So, I'm finishing up my painting and then putting the room back together! Will be SO glad when it's done, this red has taken four coats to be really covered, and that's with primer!

valiumredhead · 20/01/2012 18:33

Hello - I'm back!

Wow that's bad giving medicine without permission! Shock

My ds has Benadryl every day in the summer months for hay fever - the reason we use it is because it DOESN'T make you drowsy unlike other allergy meds - unless it's different in the US? So the woman was out of order on so many levels and still got it wrong! Glad the child will be ok.

valiumredhead · 20/01/2012 18:33

Will she be reported? How did she find out?

Teaandcakeplease · 20/01/2012 19:25

It reminded me of piriton. As that can make you drowsy. The disturbing thing is she was giving the girl an adult dose Sad

devonshiredumpling · 20/01/2012 22:21

hi new on this thread but have a box of wine and a tin of celebrations is it ok if i pull up another bench

Tiredmumno1 · 20/01/2012 22:26

Shock another bench, more cleaning for Gomummy aka Monica Grin

Hi Devon, welcome to the bench, and you come armed with goodies Smile

gomummygo · 20/01/2012 22:42

Grin Tiredmum! Always good for me to have something new to clean obsessively LOL!

Valium I didn't know they were different - the Benedryl we have here does make you drowsy.

I think piriton has the same active ingredient, Tea, but not positive.

Hello and welcome Devon! :)

CheerfulYank · 20/01/2012 23:10

Yes, regular Benedryl makes you drowsy here. They have a different kind (Benedryl Advanced or something) that doesn't, I think it has uppers to counteract the drowsiness.

Hi Devon! Come on in :)

gomummygo · 20/01/2012 23:26

I had that before Cheerful, they call it non-drowsy but really it's the same thing with added stimulants - just made me shaky!

You'll have to let us know what comes of that situation, I really hope there is some form of legal repercussion for drugging someone else's child like that. :(

CheerfulYank · 20/01/2012 23:37

I'll let you know. Her business is shut down now and she won't be able to have any more kids under her care, at least.

gomummygo · 20/01/2012 23:39

I have a request for the bench. Kindergarten (reception) here is full time (7+ hrs a day, 5 days a week, + a couple of hours on the bus each day) at age four.

I know starting that young is often done elsewhere in the world but has just been implemented here recently (they used to start full time at five, with optional alternate days or half-days at four).

They do not have what you call nursery here, so this is the first introduction into the system for children, unless they are in daycare, iykwim.

Please tell me your pros/cons for a four year old in full time school vs. at home (in v. stimulating environment with lots of activities and educational opportunities)?

It is impossible to have a conversation about it with anyone here as opinions are so polarised!

CheerfulYank · 21/01/2012 00:37

I personally feel that four is too young, but I am also not sending DS til he is 6, so what do I know. :o He's gone to preschool since he was 3. At first he went only on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a couple of hours. This year he's gone half days Monday through Friday. I could send him next year, but we've decided to go for another year of half-day preschool.

His birthday is in the summer and everyone has started holding their children until the next year if they have later b-days, so he would be by far the youngest.

Again, I think it's too young, but that's probably just because I'm not used to it! :)

gomummygo · 21/01/2012 01:32

I think it's too young too, that's exactly why I asked. :)

We just received the registration stuff for DS, he would be JUST four at their entrance. To me he is still SO young, too young to be sent off for nine hours at a time on his own, five days a week. But I KNOW I am biased, both because he is my baby, and because I really wanted to homeschool. Partially because it's just recently been implemented I'm sure, it shocks me to see these little tiny people waiting for the buses in the morning in the freezing cold when I realize they're the age DS will be by the fall. He's so little!

DH doesn't want him to go. I don't want him to go. But I know elsewhere it's the norm....there must be reasons for that?

Is 6 the norm for f/t in the US? 5 is the norm for f/t here. Think it might be even older in Spain or France?

CheerfulYank · 21/01/2012 01:51

It's five here, but more and more parents in our school district (and others, I think) are choosing to keep their late-birthday 5 year olds back. In the grade I'm working in this year, there is such an unbelievable difference between the kids who turned nine over the summer and the kids who turned 8. The 9 yr olds seem so much more capable and able to handle the tasks in front of them.

I say go for home-schooling if that's what you want! :)

gomummygo · 21/01/2012 03:39

Thanks for the encouragement! :) A number of things are affecting our ability to homeschool right now, but I'm really hoping it will work out by then. Problem is, registration time is now, and I look at DS and think he is just so young to be sent off all day every day like that! But, I know that I come with a lot of different biases that are influencing my ability to see this all clearly.

That's really interesting, that there is still such a difference by 8/9 years old! I was thinking of the immediate situation, (DS would be just four when they start if he went), but had sort of assumed that it all evened out in a couple of years.

I've discovered that it's impossible to have a reasonable conversation about it with anyone so far irl. Or I've just happened to encounter people with really bad attitudes. I don't know.

I just feel like I have too many personal biases on this one. Confused

CheerfulYank · 21/01/2012 04:33

Do you have to register him?

Teaandcakeplease · 21/01/2012 08:24

In the England the children begin school full time now, the September after they turn age 4. As you know GoMummy. DD is at school from 8.50am to 3.30pm Mon to Fri and she isn't age 5 until July. She is very tired when I pick her up, but she does enjoy it. But I really wouldn't like her to catch a bus for an hour each way on top of a long day at school Sad I also felt she was so young to start full time. The children who turned 5 in Sept, Oct and Nov seem streets ahead of her developmentally right now. If you do have a choice then I wouldn't enrol him yet. But maybe that's just me? Trust your gut lovely.

Original poster
ElmoFan · 21/01/2012 13:53

When dd started school she was 4yrs & 8months old , her hours are 8.45am - 1.30pm and she is still very tired at home time. Next sept she will stay until 2.30pm.
Shock at 7+ hours at school at such a young age plus the travelling , that seems way too long a day for a 4yr old child :(
Do you have an option of home-schooling him for a few years then enrolling him into a school when he is 6/7yrs ?

We do not have any choice over here , there's no home schooling system in place .

Welcome Devon Smile

OP posts: