The OFFICIAL AIBU buddy bench/naughty bench thread NO 7

[ElmoFan]

Come hither all those who haven't found their place on mumsnet, have scrapped in Aibu or crossed words in chat. The buddy bench shalt not judge.

The buddy bench will hand out wine and cakes, it will join you on your scoffathons getting pissed

All those who sit on the bench, will have their sins erased and be given a warm welcome and cheerful chat from CheerfulYank, gomummy, tiredmum, teaandcake, valiumredhead and far, far too many more to mention.

Welcome to the buddy bench, we look forward to meeting you all

Oh and don't forget, last one to leave polishes bench and locks up!

I felt guilty when DD started her 2 mornings a week but I knew she needed it and she loved it. I started her at 2 and a half and paid for those 2 mornings until the 15 hr funding began. Same with DS.

I know all the staff there now, after already having one child go through the same pre school, it's lovely, the staff are fab and DS loves it too. Nothing to feel guilty about for me really. Far more stimulation and fun for him there, than with me and he is learning to play with other children and how to not bite or hit other children when he doesn't get what he wants or someone snatches/ doesn't share etc. He's come on a long way since he began 2 mornings last September. His first day he walked straight in and didn't even look back at me. But he'd seen his sister go in everyday for a long time before she went to nursery. And he'd always wanted to go in with her.

SO we're back to -10 here, oh joy. What a slap in the face that is after such ridiculously beautiful weather for a couple of days. Everyone is worried, it has harmed crops already.

On the lighter side however, I had to dig out some summer clothes for poor DS who was sweltering last week. He had shorts and sleeveless shirts on for two days. The he saw me packing them back into the summer clothes storage and said with a forlorn look on his face "Mummy, is summer over now? It was terribly small. You did not even take me to the beach one time!" LOL.

It's gomummy btw, LOL! I was in the mood to namechange, haven't thought of anything good yet, but had to write to whine about our weather!

GoMummy change your name back

Well DP after meeting me on Weds is now backing off again and thinking of calling it off completely, until the court case is over in 4 months or whenever. So feeling especially shite tonight. He is lush and it's right person, wrong time etc. It sucks.

I probably will, Tea. I'm just not that creative...in fact, gomummygo came from DS saying it to me a million times, so I don't even get credit for that one!

Sorry to hear about DP. I bet he probably thinks the same - right person, wrong time - and doesn't want to screw it up with all he has on, maybe hoping things with the two of you will have a better chance once he has got current pressures sorted? What a rollercoaster for you though. ?

Hmm suppose the acronym would be bf actually? I feel shite and you're probably bored of hearing about it I do have hideous pmt tonight. Due on tomorrow and I wailed down the phone at him

Oh Tea I've been thinking of you but didn't want to ask in case i upset you iykwim :( sorry your having such a hard time lately X

Ahhh hopefully this cold spell passes soon Gomummy xx

I'll be ok. I don't want to speak to him tonight though

Not bored of hearing about it at all Tea, we're here to be supportive. I am the same as Elmo, been wondering but didn't want to ask in case it caused upset. :(

Getting colder, Elmo, -10 today but -18 with windchill and will be colder tonight. It is bad, the strange heat made things start to grow and now they are all being killed. So many crops already damaged. Hardly any maple sap, we won't have many apples or other fruits that started to bud, that horrible heat thing was bad in so many ways. Mother nature is getting scary.

Well after the previous Sunday he rang me both Monday and Tuesday night just to talk and it was nice. Weds he decided he wanted to see me. I wanted to be cool and be friends and then he kissed me etc And then Thurs he returned to no contact nonsense again. Brief chat on Friday night about my neighbour, more like a business phone call. Then nothing again. Sunday night he texted me, I replied and then I decided to call him for a chat. I also wanted to find out what was what and what he needed from me at this difficult time. But it descended into him thinking we should stop seeing each other. Maybe he thinks this is better for me. It's not what I want. I want to support him through this difficult time, not to be shelved for some indefinite period until the court case is over. I mean, how long is a piece of string? It could be months until it goes to court and it may take time once at court to be resolved. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can we not be good friends, call each other, hang out from time to time. Gah! I'm typing fast and it's not coherent. I didn't put my point across well last night with pmt and panicking when I realised he was basically ending it with me. It had a different feel to the previous Sunday, it felt like he just wants to stop entirely and not see me at all until this is over. I cried and he said after a while of not getting anywhere with a discussion with me, that we should talk tonight and I don't want to. Why rehash it all again? I spent most of last night awake and sobbing everytime I thought about it all and today I've just about managed to keep myself together but every now and again the tears flow again. For what is a matter of 5 weeks or something, I feel very very strongly for him and made the mistake of telling him so last night. I want the ground to swallow me whole.

Ask me anytime, it's cathartic to type it out ladies.

Don't feel badly for telling him the truth. He can deal with it or not, but at least you are being honest about how you feel.

Your question is not unreasonable - why does it have to be all or nothing? Is that what you want? You're right that the court case could be endless. He seems to have quite a lot on. For whatever reason, it seems clear that he's not going to be as responsive or attentive as you'd prefer. Is that ok with you?

Please remember that you are the one who gets to choose here, lovely. You are strong even if you may not feel like it, you are the one in control of what you do and of what you decide that you want, he does not get to decide what's best for you.

Hate to think of you hurting so much so early on.

Yes I get to choose, you're right. But I want him

Well I was at a meeting until 10pm. Which he knew about. I tried calling him after, being an adult and talking it all through. But surprise surprise his phone was off, so I left a message. So much for his promise of talking tonight. But I am at the bottom of his priorities: friends, work, church, life etc all come before me. I was just someone he dated Off to bed hoping I sleep better tonight. I need to gather any shred of dignity I have left tomorrow and move on with my life I think. No choice really.

Here you are! I've been so caught up with DoucheBoss and...well, something else that I can talk about another time, and kept in touch with you through FB, so I haven't been here. Oh I've MISSED the Bench!

Oh Tea. I am sorry. It is such a shit feeling, isn't it? :( I don't have much to add, but we're always here. Talk all you need to.

Welcome back Cheerful! :) How are things with DB?

Oh Tea. :( You so deserve to be at the top of someone's priority list.

Thanks ladies. Well I lost weight when I began dating due to nerves and lack of appetite and now I am comfort eating through being so down about it all. I am ballooning in weight this last 2 weeks

He's not a big texter anyway. Perhaps I'll hear from him later in the week. He's not going to have much luck dating, unless he works on his communication skills next time. Most women would not put up with his behaviour in the last 2 weeks would they?

This morning I was cross, as it felt like a pretty shitty thing to do, when you know the other person was in turmoil about it all and to then do the whole wall of silence again, is just bad manners really and thoughtless. He could have just said "can we talk tomorrow instead?" by text. But he just doesn't think/ communicate like I do. He's a typical bloke and can only focus on one thing at a time, and compartmentalises everything else.

I know he was very busy for the last few days helping a friend decorate a house and I suspect the evenings are filled with talking and relaxing when the paint brushes are put down. The only reason I think he texted me on Sunday, was simply as he was alone at the time and thought of me briefly.

He just doesn't feel as strongly about me, as I do about him.

He has a lot on his mind with the next few months, as well as being away for almost all of April with work. I'm not contacting him again. It takes two to have a friendship, he knows where I am. I feel like he has all the power and I have been supplicant to his attention. It truly feels shite.

I keep thinking about how happy I was literally 2 weeks ago and how things have changed with his sudden withdrawal of contact. I am flogging a dead horse ladies. I am gradually realising it is over whether I want it to be or not. I don't even think he'll make an effort to be friends with me tbh. Feel so utterly defeated tonight. Like wading through treacle. So so down and fed up. I really care about him but he's shitting on me from a great height. Whether he realises it or not. He's not the friend I thought he was. A quick text doesn't take much effort, does it? Reminds me of ExH who also ignored texts towards the end and previous boyfriends who rather than have the balls to say it's over, would just ignore phone calls and texts. This dating business has ruined my self esteem even more actually. I do not want to date again any time soon. And worst of all is the fact that as soon as I got too intimate with him, the contact dropped from that point on. Unexpected to say the least. Blokes hey? Once they've seen you nekkid they don't half make less effort don't they? What was I thinking... I've lost all my dignity and self respect chasing him and trying to be a good friend and he took advantage of my good nature. I feel used actually and discarded tonight

I bet he'd be horrified if he realised how I feel. He is clueless. I'm so so unhappy.

I hadn't been behaving like myself in the last 2 weeks, I was very aware of what he was going through and trying to be a good friend. So I would think about every text carefully before sending, if I didn't hear a reply I would leave it at least 24 hours. I wouldn't call him unless I was sure he was free etc. I became someone who just wasn't me actually in my effort to do the right thing. But he also was becoming someone I was unfamiliar with, as his whole behaviour changed too. So much second guessing and worrying.

My self esteem is rock bottom.

Fwiw, I think you are doing the right thing not to contact him again. He is causing you far too much upset. :( Who knows, once he gets his own life sorted, things may be different, but for now, it sounds as though moving on is for the best.

DOUCHE BOSS! Arrrgggghhhh!

Sorry you're having a rough time, Tea. I think you're making a good decision.

What's going on Cheerful?

I ended up texting him before bed to ask if he got my voicemail. I know I know I shouldn't have. No response. I'd get a better response from a brick wall.

Fed up of dreaming about him too. The scenarios range from the awful ways he tells me what he thinks of me to nice ones. But mostly him making it plain he never wants to see me again.

Yep I am not dating again. Being alone is far easier and less emotional

Not going well I take it, Cheerful? :( Are you ok?

Can't help with the dreams Tea, but once you've stopped contacting him I bet they will end....so therefore I think the only solution is for you to send me your phone in the post and I shall hold it hostage until you come visit to get it. :)

Coming to Canada to see you and hide from the world would be perfect. Shame the flights would cripple me. None of the old jokes about meeting a pilot now think we can all agree that's a non starter

Hello :)

Tea is that the pilot? Sorry you're having a crap time x

It's hot here - properly hot not just Spring. I have washing out!

Hi Valium it is lovely weather we are having, enjoy it why it lasts hope you are well

Tea I hope you are ok, sending positive thoughts

And cheerful poor you are you still getting crap

Hiya Gomummy n Elmo ?

Ooh yes, definitely , thanks Tiredmum! Hope you are both well?

Valium, we had snow overnight and it is -10 now! I had one day of laundry on the line, it was a thing of beauty. I fear I will not see it again for a couple of months.

No Tea, I think we'll just have to have that lottery win and I shall charter a private jet. Wonder what a transatlantic cruise costs? I think my canoe will be insufficient...

Cheerful what's happening with DB?